New Year's Quiz

Because I am in love with Sundry, she asked for people to do a quiz, and by God I'm gonna do it.

Also, hey look! a reason for a post!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Got laid off, interviewed for jobs...

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Ha. No. I'm thinking new year's resolutions are just there to show what a horrible follow througher (what?) I am...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, K & J had sweet little Dylan

4. Did anyone close to you die?
BF's grandmother :(

5. What countries did you visit?
Does Northern Virginia count as a whole other country? I think it does.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A JOB. heh. Well, and determination and motivation to quit and become a real no-shit non-smoker. That would rule. Also, thin. Being thin would be so great.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
[dramaqueen]Dec. 11th. The day I got laid off[/dramaqeen]

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I lost 25 lbs!

9. What was your biggest failure?
I started smoking again

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Ugly bad cold that turned into Bronchitis/Walking Pneumonia. Pre-school germs aint no joke.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I didn't buy it, technically. But BF paying for KegOfSunshine and her girls to come down for my birthday was HANDS DOWN the best. Ever.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
BF--he ceases to amaze me. What a big heart that boy has *swoon*


13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My former employer, and before that, my own.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills *sigh*

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
OUR HOUSE! KegOfSunshine's Visit. With my Brother's and BF, pooling our resources together and giving my parents some help financially. You could see the stress melt away from their faces. Such a great feeling.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Weird, I cant think of one. Ask me in a few years.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? uh... I'm feeling pretty good today, but lately have been teetering on the sad face side
b) thinner or fatter? THINNER!!! YAY ME!!!
c) richer or poorer? *cough*

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Laughing

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Yelling

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with BF and the cats

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes, fell in love with BF all over again. AWWWWW

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Uhm, just one? I'd have to say Eli Stone. Which is being canceled. Evil people. OK TWO! Mad Men. Hands down.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I'm sorry to say, yes.

24. What was the best book you read?
I think I read a whole ONE book this year...no idea what the name of it now.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
ROCKBAND! Or was that last year?

26. What did you want and get?
Love and Affection. Yes and Yes.

27. What did you want and not get?
I can't think of anything, so it seems that I am very blessed.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Oh god, I dont even know. Pursuit of Happiness comes to mind, but that was last year no? Oh, who cares...Pursuit of Happiness.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
KegOfSunshine came to visit, as a surprise. And what a surprise it was! 31. Gah, don't remind me...

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ending the year employed for starters...

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfy is IN

32. What kept you sane?
BF

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Mark Ruffalo. LOVE him.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election! I hope all the talk turns into real action.

35. Who did you miss?
Everyone.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Everyone (ha. im cheating)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Be loyal to yourself. Be dedicated to yourself. Life changes quickly, you can handle it!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Well shit, first you wanted an entire song, now you want some lyrics too? Hmm...

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.

(chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Boy, dont you worry... youll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Happy New Year Kids! Make it a great one! Much Love!

If you get called in to a room with 30 of your co-workers. It's not a good thing.

So, about two weeks ago, I was laid off (Merry Christmas!) by the company I have worked for since I was 19, along with about 30 of my co-workers--with not a penny of severance (Happy New Year!). To say that I am bitter and angry is more than an understatement, however, I will spare you the explicatives.

And while I do play the victim role very well, I have found that I am very angry with myself. I should have left a long time ago. I should have known that loyalty and dedication doesn't mean shit when the money well runs dry. I should have known that loyalty and dedication doesn't mean shit either way, given the things I have seen over the years. I was stupid--I was comfortable, I was WAY too secure in my job, thinking my tenure would save me. I was so very very wrong, and it's broken my heart. The timing alone is just so shitty, both for losing a job and trying to acquire a new one. And I'm, you know, not the most patient girl in the world. So, I'm basically driving myself crazy.

I accept that because I was a telecommuter, and the Owner of the company being none-too-keen on telecommuting, I was an easy mark. However, that doesn't make HOW this was done OK in my book. I have learned a very important lesson, and it's early on in my career, so that's probably a good thing.

Some other things I have learned:

1. Keep your external resume up to date, you unbelievable idiot
2. Design your damn portfolio already
3. The concept of Family has no place in the business world. It's meaningless. End of story.
   
4. KEEP YOUR RESUME UP TO DATE GOD DAMNIT.
5. The economy is pure shit, I am not alone.
6. BF is an amazing man.
7. Heartbreak comes in all shapes and sizes
8. That shit about keeping 3 months salary in your account at all times? I shoulda listened.
9. Christmas without friends and family is depressing. But BF can make any shit day seem magical.
10. You can feel so very guilty even when it isnt your fault.
11. Be dedicated to yourself. Be loyal to yourself.
12. I am serious about the resume, gooby!
13. Having your resume done, and a "good enough" portfolio complete 4 days after being laid off is pretty awesome. You are a good soldier.
14. No job is safe. No matter how long you've been there or how loyal and dedicated you are. In the end, it counts for nothing.
15. A job is a paycheck, don't make it personal.
    

We skipped gift-giving this year, for obvious reasons, as well as the crazy travel plan we had in store for ourselves. We're just chillin' at the house with the cats. BF plays XBOX, and I do endless searches for jobs and chat with other ex-employees, some current. Lots and lots of chatting. There's a permanent dent in the couch now where my ass has been planted since we got home from Virginia. I am slowly coming out of my funk, and the hyperventilating has subsided. I havent had a breakdown in like 2 days, so things are looking up. Roll your eyes at me all you want, this shook me to the core.

I am full-on smoking.

Surprised? Yeah, me neither. I walked out of the building that day and promptly bought a pack of cigarettes, and haven't looked back. I plan on quitting the day I receive a job offer, but you know how well I commit to my declarations.

Looking back, I remember watching the news about the millions of people getting laid off without severance, or somehow unfairly. I remember thinking "thank god I have this job. I'm safe from all that!" Which is pretty ironic. Speaking of ironic, the night before I got laid off I tweeted, AND I QUOTE:

Came home frm work, worked out, now dinner, then guess what? More work! Awesome. :( i guess I should b happy I have a job, huh? And yet...

Dontcha Think? A little tooooo ironic...

It was the same when 9/11 happened. I was in drawing class, and the professor came in and announced there was some kind of bomb or something at the twin towers. I thought nothing of it, since this wasnt the first time. That was, until the Dean came into the room and announced that a plane had hit the pentagon and they are shutting down the school, we should leave immediately. I was scared as I drove home. I was heartbroken for all those people who lost their lives for no reason. The images of people jumping from the buildings is burned in my brain. But it wasn't personal. And then three days later I learned the neighbor of BF's parents was in the pentagon and was missing. It was weeks before his remains were found. There is now a memorial between the two houses, forever reminding us all how fragile life is. If I have learned anything from my personal history, maybe the next time I think it's not affecting me, I should realize that it's about to affect me.

I do have my health, and I do have BF who has been incredibly supportive and positive. I am blessed to have him in my life, as well kegOfSunshine who makes any day seem just a little brighter.

I have lost all trust in the company I once loved and felt this sense of obligation towards. When I hear my future employers speak about how we're "family" I am going to have to resist the urge to run like hell.

The opposite of NaBloPoMo

For the past couple of years, I've been all, "I am joining NaBloPoMo! And I shall post everyday for 30 days, yes, yes I will!" and then I don't because. Well there's no reason.

So this year I decided to do the opposite and NOT post for 30 days. Actually 46 days. Hows THAT for sticking it to the man!

Uh, well, not really. I just didnt blog. For reasons unknown. But, let me tell you I wrote some doozies in my head. Hoooooo boy the funny that comes out of this mind sometimes, I tell ya. I remember none of it now, naturally. It was THAT important.

Anyway, so hi! How are you guys doing? I'm doing okie dokie I suppose. I'm losing weight (!) Kinda slowish, kinda not. Kinda cheating a lot so thats why it's slowish. Kinda not working out as much as I should. As a matter of fact, my jiggly ass is supposed to be in front of the TV sweating with Jillian as I sit here and type. This is sorta, vaguely, kinda not the same as working out. Don't split hairs with me, mister!

I'm kinda uninterested in work. I'm what you might call "burned out." Not that I dont have work to do because TRUST ME I've got a full plate over here. And its not that the work isnt challenging, I just... would much rather stare at the wall then do actual work. I fight this urge of course because I am supposedly this responsible adult and have like BILLS to pay. And I hear you can't draw a salary from staring at the wall. I did, however, take the last two weeks off of December. Those two weeks cannot come fast enough. I'm equally horrified and overjoyed that it is December already. Horrified because I gotta begin the tradition of racking my brain for the perfect gift for everyone--that which I usually fail at. Overjoyed, because T-W-O W-E-E-K-S O-F-F. GOD BLESS VACATION TIME.

Not that those two weeks are gonna be filled with lazy, as much as I would like them to. I've got family and work obligations, and the travel alone is mind boggling: I go to Virginia the 7th for a week for work, I leave the 12th. Come back to VA the 22nd, go to Southern Maryland the evening of the 25th, drive back home the 29th. THEN, I go BACK to Virginia, January 4th for a week. For Work. Can you hear me whining? Cuz I'm whining. LOUDLY.

See kids, this is what happens when you move to a state where neither relatives nor job headquarters resides. North Carolina still rules though so don't go getting any crazy ideas KegOfSunshine. I love you dude, but theres no way in hell im moving back. Nope.

Also, and don't faint now, I am sorta smoking again. I say sorta cuz it hasnt been everyday all day, its more like my moments of weakness are occurring more often than my moments of willpower. If you get my meaning. So *sigh* I bought a box of Nicorette yesterday, and a pack of cigarettes.

WHAT? Girl has to have one last hoorah.

Oh shutup.

And its winter now, which pisses me off. Cold and Ice and Snow and blah. Hate it. The upside is that coats, jackets, jeans and sweaters I could not wear last year, now fit. So there's that.

Well thats all very negative and bratty isnt it?

Ok, so on a positive note: IM LOSING WEIGHT PEOPLE! BF is the best man in the world, ever. EVER. Cats are all healthy and meowy. I got a new car! With NAV so I don't get lost anymore! Hardly ever anyway! I love our house! Im still not unpacked but so what! I bought Rockband 2! I haven't it yet though! And um, I think I actually like quilting!

Oh right, I didnt mention that. Yeah so, while in Colorado, I was in a quilt shop with BF's mom, sister and Aunt. I have been uninterested up to this point because the country quilts are ugly to me and I just don't like the designs. I am not a fan of kitties on my sweaters either, if you know what Im saying. But this store had like cool looking quilts. Cute Quilts even.

And so, I decided I would give it a whirl. If for nothing more than to have something to talk to BF's Mom about other than the weather, cats, and BF. BF's Mom got very excited about this, and gave me one of her sewing machines to use. I havent used a sewing machine since 8th grade Home Ec, but it's apparently just like riding a bike. Nevermind that I dont know how to ride a bike. Anyway, I signed up for a class here, and I am 85% done with my first quilt! And even though this beginner pattern is very much the type of thing that turned me off about quilts in the first place, DUDE I MADE SOMETHING! And yeah, the fabrics I picked suck ass too. But whatever. I MADE SOMETHING! I planned on making BF's mom a christmas quilt for christmas, but I am not done with this first quilt yet so it will have to be for her birthday. And then I remembered, oh yeah, her birthday is New Year's Eve. So yeah, her present is gonna be a leeetle late. heh.

K, I better go do something before my entire evening disappears on me.

PEACE OUT YA'LL.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
Originally uploaded by Grfxgrl

This here is our new guest. Our very UNINVITED new guest. Grosssssss!

I'm still swatting an invisible things on myself because I'm all heebie jeebied out about this dude.

Is there such a thing as a season for spiders? Also, WTF IS IT!?!?! IS IT POISONOUS?!?!

Say, is that why spiders and their webs are associated with Halloween? Cuz it's the season for 'em? Maybe?

AND! Earlier today, I caught the cats swatting and going all nuts at something. I figured it was a moth or a lady bug.

Not so much, it turns out. It was a centipede (millipede perhaps?) with elentytrillion little legs and the little pinchers at the end of it's body. Which one is poisonous?!

No worries though, cuz I took him outside and looked out later to find him trekking back up to the house. Which is exactly when I promptly went out there and squooshed him to smithereens. Survival of the fittest, bitch!

Ugh, the joys of living out in the boonies, huh.

Alright, Ive gotta run. I've got some important swatting at invisible things to do *shiver*.

An Exercise in Optimism

Friends, September was an all-around shit month. However, taking a lesson from my lovely kegOfSunshine, I am trying to look at things as she would. She's got a sunny disposition in the face of every situation she has encountered since I've met her, and as a result is far happier than the average human. And me, I'd rather be happy than all pissy so we're gonna try things her way this time around.

Even though September is now in the past, and the dark clouds have moved along and the point of writing about this now is...well... moot. Talking to kegOfSunshine this weekend just brought it all home for me. And it's a reason to blog. So get comfy.

Saturday afternoon I am on the phone with kegOfSunshine and she is telling me how her car needs expensive repairs AGAIN and she cant afford it, and how she had to cancel today's plans because of some other stuff she was getting done to the car, etc. etc.

Now, If this was me talking, I'd be more uh hysterical, with tears streaming, all "OMG DUDE WTF AM I GONNA DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I AM DOOOOOOOOOMED. WAHHHHHHHHHH." Cursing the heavens, and other dramatics.

Instead, she seems...quite happy? about it? and says in the next breath, "At least, because of this I didnt take the girls to [the thing she had to cancel] and risk something bad happening while driving!"

I must be wired wrong cuz that silver-lining shit just doesn't enter my head.

I am used to her looking at the glass full in all situations, but it struck me this weekend that maybe I should try the same. Having just gone through a bout of bad luck, I thought it'd be a good exercise to reflect on some of those situations and look at them from a different perspective. Behold:

1. Colorado Vacation was extended due to BF's Grandmother passing in the wee hours of the morning the day we were supposed to fly out. We stayed 5 extra days, which incurred more flight fees, longer hotel stay which meant WAY HIGHER hotel bill, extending car rental, leaving my co-workers in a bit of a lurch cuz I was unavailable for these 5 days helping the family tend to funeral stuff and providing comfort where I could, falling off the goddamn diet I just started because we ran out of our meds.

Silver Lining: At least we were there, and everyone got to say goodbye. We all got to speak with her in some fashion before she let go. AND We were able to spend extended time with family, of whom we hardly ever see.

2. Cousin's kid caught a cold. Two days later BF's sister and I are down and out. 6 days later I am diagnosed with Bronchitis, possibly Walking Pneumonia. Awesome.

Silver Lining: I was able to spend some one on one time with the kids, and got to know them better now that they are no longer babies. I helped build a building! Out of Legos! I havent done that in forever! Legos rock.

3. Car breaks down while I am in Northern Virginia. Mother of Hell

Silver Lining: Friend helps us out, and fixes the car. Car still not running as it did, but it got me home! We'd been toying with the idea of getting a new car and selling this one. This whole debacle (it was a true debacle, but I havent the patience to go through the whole story) sent us over the edge. The weekend I got home, we went out looking and ended up making a purchase. Yay new car!

4. Was off diet for 3 weeks. )(*#$@#)(#$@#$!@#)

Silver Lining: Went in to restart once I was 100% better, was weighed and told I had lost 5 lbs of pure fat! I've been on for a week now and feel awesome, my clothes are already fitting better! First 3 days of the diet is pure hell, but I am on day 7! So no more hell! I get weighed tonight so I am not sure what the official result will be, but I think I've lost 7lbs! In a week! HOT DIGGITY!

So, kegOfSunshine: How's that for optimism?

Bad Grammar, extremely long sentences, and overuse of the comma

So, hi! I turned 31 last week. Which means I am for real in my 30's. I knew it was coming, but man it feels very sudden and uh...weird. I still feel like im 22ish. Though, I do pop randomly when I move around (bones popping), so it's obvious im NOT in fact 22. And I have to wear glasses to sing on RockBand, and I wear an ankle brace on my right ankle mostly lots these days, and I get sleepy at 10pm, and I see a chiropractor weekly. But, you know, whatever. I'll embrace it eventually.

Next eeek moment: 35.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BF did the most amazing thing this weekend, more on that later. Just know that he rules. Rules way hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Not a declaration, more like fact: I unpacked my willpower yesterday and signed myself up for a Medically supervised weight loss program. Today is day 1, and I haven't cheated thus far. Its 8:30, so I'm pretty positive that I will make it today. AND may I just add that BF is out of town, so I could totally cheat. But there's this pesky food/activity journal I have to fill out that's keeping me honest. I could lie on it, but what would be the point of that. I am paying...paying a lot...for this so, the only person I'd be hurting is my fat self. So why not just do it, and reap the rewards, know what I'm sayin'?

The stats they got from their little weight machine were pretty...uhh horrific:

Height: 5'4" (I FRIGGIN GREW!!! YAY!!)
Weight: Seriously? You know I am to vain to divulge that. I'll tell you when I am no longer weighing 80jillion pounds, k?
BMI: 33.8 *gulp*
Fat %: 50.1% (JFC)
Fat Mass: 98.8 lb
FFM (my bones and whatever): 98.4lbs
TBW (Total Body Water): 72.0lb

Desirable Ranges:
BMI: 18.5 - 24.9
Fat %: 21-33%
Fat Mass: 26.2-48.4lb

So yeah, fatty has some work to do.

BF signed up too, so this will be awesome being able to do it together and I won't find myself lovingly eyeing his plate of whatever I cant eat--or vice versa. And that, my friends, is a GOOD THING cuz we have this tendency to give into each other's whims without a second thought.

The program entails 3 phases. I'm too lazy to type out all that, so just go read if you are interested.

I spent 50 minutes waiting in the waiting room before I was seen yesterday, and that pissed me off. But I'm told thats a rare occurrence and blah blah. Uh huh. Vee shall see missy, vee shall see.

Im allowed 500 calories this week. 500 calories of protein. Now, when they told me that I chuckled, because ARE YOU FRIGGIN INSANE?! But! part of the supplements they give us is a appetite suppressant, and surprisingly enough, I wasn't hungry once today. I actually had to force myself to eat. I was that un-hungry non-hungry not hungry. I'm feeling a little jittery, anxious, something wherein I cannot sit for long periods of time. Which probably just means that its energy and my brain is confused about what exactly energy IS.

Im supposed to drink 128 ounces of water per day.

Let me just tell you how much water that is: A. LOT.

And when you drink that much water, guess what you have to do lots: PEE.

Did you know that 500 calories a day is hard to get in when you arent hungry? One of the injections I get, the side-effect is that you lose the craving for carbs. And when they told me that yesterday, I piffled because obviously they dont know me at all.

Turns out they were right!

So far I have eaten today:
4 oz. Fat Free Cottage Cheese (which is not yummy by itself) = 70 calories
1 Propel Fitness Water, Berry = 20 calories
6 Slices of Deli Turkey Meat = 45 calories
1 stick of string cheese = 80 calories
1 vanilla low carb/high protein shake = 250 calories (I know! what the deal! That's half my daily caloric intake people!)
Total Calories = 465

I STILL HAVE 35 CALORIES TO EAT PEOPLE. So I gotta find some protein worth 35 calories to shove down my throat because, guess what: IM NOT HUNGRY. AT ALL.

Crazy, right?

Anyway, so I go back in on Friday to get more injections and weighed and stuff since im on vacay next week. A secret little--okokok--LARGE part of myself hopes that I will show some progress when I go on Friday, 3 days into this, uh, "lifestyle". Something. Water? Fat? Weight? SOMETHING. BF lost several percentages of Body Fat after doing it FOR ONE DAY.

Did you hear that? That's the start of a ruthless competition.

I'm coming after you, suckah.

Snappy Title

Some updates in list form! Yay!

• Got my hair cut today, and it looks suspiciously like Posh Spice I just realized. Well, Posh Spice with a double-chin. It's way cute, I assure you


• I've lost 7 lbs!


• My hairstylist is pregnant!


• I am not! (Not that there was a concern, I'm just saying...)


• My hairstylist said my hair felt thicker!


• Got FREE ASPRIN at CVS today!


• What? I did.


• Really crazy, overwhelmingly busy at work.


• My dreams lately are about doing work. And I actually solved an issue once, no lie


• Need more handsome stranger dreams, if you know what I am saying--and I think that you do. Ahem


• Got a wii fit! My wii fit age was 43 when I started. Is now 38, 7 days later. How bout them apples?


• General volume of energy is optimal, even though I stopped taking the iron supplements over a month ago. I uhh... sorta decided I was done. I dunno know why. Perhaps it was all the jacking up of my tummy that I was done with. Need to go to get bloodwork done to verify I am all okie dokie.


• Rediscovered Grilled vegetables. Mother of all deliciousness they are tasty! I'm even eating the occassional grilled red pepper! Seriously!


• Still refusing to use proper grammar when blogging


• Mad Men is my new favorite show

How are you guys?

For real, for real?

So, OK I am not going to make another declaration. Because I lack follow-through--I feel like I've said this before--and dont uh.. you know FOLLOW THROUGH on the shit I say I'm gonna do. And really, how many posts can you people read before you start rolling your eyes and saying "sure Trish, sure. Uh huh"

I realize you all already do this. Lets just go with the theory that you dont k?

ANYWAY...So instead, Im gonna say...

I'm gonna do some shit, OK? And you may or may not see a change in me in the coming weeks and that will be because I may or may not have followed through.

See so either way, I did what I said I was gonna do. Whether its what I meant to do, or what my lazy ass ENDED UP DOING, isnt the point. Cuz I covered my bases see. Im brilliant, I know.

Anyway, whatever. We'll see I guess. I'd just like to say though that I have been quite successful with the not smoking bit. I cant even remember when I quit now, it's been that long. Now, I will admit that I have bummed once or twice from people I know who still smoke, but it's usually on the rare occasion when I have an alcoholic beverage in my hand. And please, before you say anything. Shut-up. I love you though, kisses.

Since when does "occasion" have only one S? That looks so wrong to me.

By the way, may I just say: The number of people I know who still smoke? Decreasing. Fast. Who the hell am I gonna bum from now dammit?!

I mean... GOOD JOB GUYS! REALLY! BRAVO! YAY TO LONGER HEALTHIER LIVES!

Seriously? Dammit is spelled "Dammit" and not "Damnit"??? SINCE WHEN?

The spell checker is blowing my mind, it's obviously time for sleepy. xo

Conversations

On the way back to the hotel last week, after visting J&K and their new bundle of precious, we may or may not have had this conversation (I say may or may not because I am not entirely sure I wasn't dreaming this because W-T-F. OVER.):

Me: Man, I am soooooo not ready for all that! Did you even see me? His neck was all wobbly! I coulda like, broken his neck for pete's sake! I had NO idea what I was doing. OMG, sooooooooooooo not ready. Are you ready? You're not ready, right?

BF: [longer than OK pause]

Me: [Possibly shrieking, I can't be sure] YOU'RE READY FOR KIDS!?!?! ARE YOU SHITTING ME!?!?

BF: Well I...

Me: [Definitely shrieking now I am pretty positive, because WHAT THE F!] SERIOUSLY!!!!????!!!????

BF: I dunno... I just...

Me: [Mild Hyperventilating]

BF: I mean if we DID start, it wouldnt be...

Me: [Yes, definitely shrieking] W..Wa..WAIIITTTT A MINUTE

BF: What?

Me: Aren't you skipping a step here mister?

BF: ...

Me: MARRIAGE HELLO

BF: Oh... yeah. Well sure.

Me: WELL!? SURE!?

BF: Yeah but, you're definitely not ready though huh.

Me: [Brain exploding]

Mr. FunnyPants

I was in NOVA last week for work, and got invited to this team-outing thing at a driving range. I told BF about it on the phone...

Me: ...Yeah, and uhh, I went to a driving range a couple of years ago, I forget why now, and I couldn't hit one frickin' ball to save my life. I remember being very frustrated so this should be a hoot.

BF: Oh man, I wish I could be there to see this.

Me: Uh... why. So you can see me suck it?

BF: Yeah, I just imagine you ... well just not being good at it.

Me: Aw, thanks...

BF: I can just see it. You swinging and missing. Repeatedly.

Me: That's not nice.

BF: Well, I mean you aren't exactly athletic.

Me: ... and you are...? [Overly Defensive. I admit it]

BF: Or! Or! You swing and miss the ball and fall on your ass!

Me: ... yeah so, how was your day.

BF: If there's beer involved you gotta videotape this event.

Me: jackass.

BF: What?!? That shit is gonna be funny!

Then again...

It's hard to sit around all in pain when you've got this energy coursing through your veins. Also known as OXYGEN. Holy crap people, who knew this stuff was so good? At the same time, the pain seems to suck the energy right out of me. So, I haven't been working out as much as I should (I said "ish"!). And I want to. I want to so badly. But as soon as I start jumping around all uncoordinated in front my TV and waving my arms around, something pinches or a shooting pain goes this way or that...

and I say "oh f this" and go sit down.

My heart is in the right place at least, right?

Chiropractor seems to be slowly helping so, you know, the whining will ebb eventually. SWEAR.

In other news, our kitten, Molly, eats string cheese, Doritos, french fries, and whipped cream*. She will have nothing to do with chicken, tuna, or ham. This cat is me, reincarnated. Only I am still here. The other two are far more interested in the chicken, tuna, and ham so it works out.

*In addition to regular cat food, yes. God, what do you people take me for? Then again, we DID feed her string cheese, Doritos, French Fries, and whipped cream (not at the same time though! So there's that!), so I guess I am not the greatest pet owner in all the land. Shut up.

MAH SHOULDER HURTS. WAH.

So remember last year, when I was all, ZOMG CHIROPRACTOR MAN! I LUB YEW TO PIECES! I SHALL ERECT MANY STATUES AND SCULPTURES IN YOUR NAME BECAUSE YOU RULE AND YOU MADE IT ALL BETTER. I LOVE YOU ! Call me, k?

Well I moved to another state, and decided since I was feeling fine, I wouldn't bother finding another down here.

WELL GUESS WHAT.

I BET YOU CAN GUESS!

Yes! Shit is even worse now! I cringe when I turn my head to the left cuz I get a shooting pain on the right side of my neck, which makes driving a hoot. My right shoulder and neck are in a constant state of bunched up nerves, muscles, throbby, achey. I got shooting pains going down my right arm. Muscle spasms in the shoulder area randomly during the day. When I go to bed, my lower back spasms IN A PAINFUL WAY for 5 minutes when I first lie down. It's a big ol bag of OW in that area. When I described my back to kegofsunshine earlier today, I used the phrase "JACKED UP" cuz that seemed to be the only words to summarize it accurately.

(Aw, Drama Queen! How nice of you to visit!)

I've put off going for a couple of reasons:

1. AM. MORON
2. In an internal discussion area at work, some chick posted an article about how some lady got her back aligned by her chiropractor then later that evening? BOOM! stroke. So I got all twitchy about it.


3. $15 copay per visit. Knowing that the Dr. is going to want to see me 2 to 3 times a week for a while, it adds up. And I wanna buy shoes :(


4. What?


5. I lie. I havent bought new shoes in 3 months. so ha.


6. Though... it is summer now...

There are actual reasons in that list. I leave it to you to decipher.

So after several months of ignoring it, a handful of weeks of going "oh shit, it's back. wait shhhh maybe it'll go away," one WHOLE weekend on a heating pad, And dirty looks from BF, I gave in and found me a chiropractor here. I've gone yesterday and today. I don't feel better. I know it will take time. But still. NOT FEELING BETTER OVER HERE.

Oh yeah, plus this: As an added bonus, it was apparently Receptionist's first day on the job, and she told me that with my insurance coverage, I was responsible for a $10 copay PLUS 50% of all services rendered. I drove home from appointment on Monday in shock, after having paid $50. For ONE visit.

YEAH FIFTY BUCKS. I was hyperventilating over $15. I told the receptionist and the Dr. that "I have never paid over $15 for a visit. Never ever. ... ever."

The second "ever" was to show these people that I meant business and I wasn't happy!

But I paid anyway! Cuz I am a total sucker! And maybe my coverage did change!?! Highly unlikely! But surely this girl who has been on the job FOR A DAY knows better than I.

I anger easily when I am in pain, see.

I received a call this morning "so, yeah we found out that your copay is actually $15, no deductible, and unlimited visits. So you have a couple of future visits credited. Very sorry about that."

To which I really wanted to say " BOOOOYAH BIATCH I DONE TOLD YOU!!!"

But I didn't cuz I remembered I am mature.

What? I AM.

Things are lookin' up!

So either the Iron is doing its job, or it's all in my head. Either way: ENERGY. I HAS IT. Sure, it still comes in waves and once the wave crests (umm. thats right, isnt it?), this girl is pooped. And I plop right down on the couch for some good ole fashioned wall-staring.

But man, in between the plopping (ew), I am a productive little girl these days. I'm working out (ish), I'm cleaning, I'm tracking down the tumbleweeds of fur around the house that have just started appearing, along with the increase in hacked up fur balls. Mmmm tasty. By the way, product plug. If you are having trouble with pet fur, try this miracle of miracles, this genius of geniuses: [Vanna White hand movements] THE FURMINATAH. Like AHNALD would say it. BECAUSE IT AMUSES ME. THATS WHY.

GOD.

Anyway. So I'm pretty stoked that I am feeling better.

Oh yeah, Lazy Eye Update: New, less head-tilting name Amblyopia. And by head tilting, I mean when I tell somebody about my lazy eye they tilt their head to their right and stare directly at my left eye quizzically. Whereupon, I have to say "yeah its not a lazy eye in that its looking left and im looking right, it's that its weaker and my brain doesnt really use it." "Oh......???"

And besides, {hair toss},the term "Lazy Eye" is considered by some to be PEJORATIVE.{Nose in the Air} Commoners.

Read the 3rd paragraph of the Amblyopia link, then come back and laugh because DAMN IM FUNNY.

Anyway. So come to find out the youngest of my brothers also has it. And he's nearly legally blind in that particular eye. He's 42. SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO, NO? He was patched as a child but it didnt fix it. I was not patched, but I do remember some pretty kickin' pink Jordache spectacles when I was 6 or 7.

I went to an Ophthalmologist? Opthamologist? OphoEYEmologist? EYE MD to see if I could get a second opinion for the "ha. sucks to be you." diagnosis/treatment I had received previously. This doctor explained it to me, and I now understand. Here's my treatment: HA HA NOTHIN. SUCKER. Surgery would do nothing, because lasik is no better than lens correction and since no lenses can correct it at this point, I'm SOL. *sniff*

Apparently, this can be corrected before the age of 11. Once past this age, your brain figures out that this eye doesn't work so good so the brain trains itself to stop using it, and overworks the non-gimpy eye. Patching the good eye is one way to fix it. This forces the brain the use the gimpy eye. Also, glasses. Once past the age of 11, your brain is old and set in it's ways. Old Dog, new tricks. Know what I'm sayin'. And since I am a wee bit past the age of 11, my brain, she creaks at this point.

Neither treatments worked for my brother or I. So now we're stuck in spectacles for the rest of our lives. Woe.

I wonder what one contact would be like? Would I be lopsided?

In other news, no appearance of cankles in WEEKS. but shhhhhhhhhhhh don't say it too loud.

So, how are you guys?

Psssssst. The comment link? see that down there? Use it, k? xo, me.

Hi.

I've been trying to live out in the real world more and not hide behind my laptop lately. With these random spurts of energy I keep having (YAYYYYYYYYYY IRON I <3 YOU!!), who has time to sit around and stare at the wall?

I'm kidding. I still have plenty of occasions to stare at the wall. Baby steps, people.

Mostly the problem is that I have all these cool (ya know, cool to me) ideas for hysterical, genius (hysterical, genius--to me) postings. And then I get to my laptop and prepare to type and I...

All together now!

DRAW A BLANK!

Who knew how genius that blog title was? Total accident. I couldn't think of anything else. Just like me naming my Guitar Hero Band "Flip Flop" cuz I couldn't think of anything else (I'm starting to see a theme here) and then spotted the FLIP FLOP ON MY FOOT.

Its staggering, how brilliant I am. I know.

In search of new eyes...

So a couple of days ago, I went to get my eyeballs looked at because it's starting to worry me a little *cough* that when I try to look at the time on the microwave when I am standing in the living room, it's a green blur. It didn't used to be a green blur. In fact. I remember actual numbers. Yet, even when I squint, I still can't see it. :(

ORRRRRR say if I am playing rockband. I have to wear my glasses to read the lyrics. That's not very rock 'n roll. :(

ORRRRRRRRr say driving. If I wanna see a road sign before I'm up on it, my glasses better be on my face or I could possibly run right into the end of a street before realizing what's going on. I kid. I kid. But the exit signs are blurry until I'm right on 'em. HEY! Maybe that's why I missed my exit home that one time!

ORrrrrr.. well I could go on. Point is: far away? Tricia no see.

Anyway so at Optometrist appointment and I get past the glaucoma test finally. Here's the thing about that. I can touch my own eyeball. But if I'm trying to put drops in, or if someone else is trying to? Heh. Good luck mister. And it's apparently hard to shoot a puff of air into someone's eye when it's fluttering like a hummingbird. Who knew?

Moving along...

So we're doing the whole "1 better, or 2? 3 better or 4?" and she keeps going "that's so strange!!" And then she says "I think you have a lazy eye!"

She sounds so excited about it, too. And, I dunno, call me crazy. But Lazy Eye is not something I would be getting excited about. My definition of "lazy eye" is when one eye is looking forward and the other is all "dude, check this over here on the left!" Apparently, that's not the only definition of a lazy eye. She says I have the type wherein it cant be corrected with lenses. Then she goes on to tell me that my current prescription is basically a piece of glass in my left, lazy eye, and an actual prescription in the right. And that the reason why my eyesight is getting worse is because my right eye is working overtime trying to help out the gimpy left one.

She didn't say gimpy, I just added it for comedic effect. Did it work?

So if I am understanding this correctly, I could walk around with one spectacle like the Monopoly dude and have the same affect (jesus WHICH IS IT? affect? effect?) as the dual spectacles I presently own?

Sidenote: The only picture I could find of the Monopoly Man with said singular spectacle is here and it doesn't even look like the real dude anyway. Why do I remember this guy having a single spectacle? Maybe it was years ago and I am showing my age?

Anyway, not the point.

So later on, after she dialates my eyes to check for disease in said lazy eye, (Which btw, thanks for that. I'm now a vampire. Noooooooooooo the sun!! It's so bright!!! Im meltingggggg!!!!) I'm waiting for a friend to meet me for dinner to put off the driving home with that blinding day star in my face. So, to kill some time, I call my parents and tell them the news, they reply with AND I QUOTE:

"Oh yeah, you've had that since you were a kid!"

...

1. So why have I not had glasses all my life?
2. WTF. These are things you tell your child people. Seriously.

P.S. No more doctors. My body is crap. I GET IT.

Where Mah Hairz At?!

Those of you who know me, know that I am fairly self-conscious (ahem) of the fact that my hair is thinning in the front of my head. The neuroses is (are?) mostly due to my mom forcibly pounding the front of her head with her forefinger and saying "Trishy! Your bald spot is showing!" Right there in the middle of dinner for my entire family to hear. At which point everyone's eyes focus squarely on my forehead.

I love her so.

And I know, I know. It's lame to blame things on your parents. But seriously? When the Woman is out in public with me and does the stomping on her head with her forefinger thing and talks through her teeth at me, after a while, a girl becomes really self-conscious.

But lately, I've been noticing it like a lot all on my own. The finger stomping is now in another state, so there's no one else to call it out to me. Except the mirrors. Sweet jesus, the mirrors! I see it all.the.time.now. So I talked to my hair stylist and she recommended I go see a dermatologist. I've gone to dermatologists before, and all they do is look at my scalp and go "hmm yeah looks like female something or other sucks to be you-itis" Whatever the word is for female genetic hair loss. I forget.

Here's the thing though. No woman in my family is losing their hair and the female elders of the family still have full heads of hair. Sure, on some its thin, but it's not like you can see their scalp or anything. The men are, however, a completely different story. I've heard it both ways. It comes from your dad's side. It comes from your mom's side. Blah Blah.

Point is: Females. Either Side. Full heads of hair!

So I thought I'd give it another go. So there I was. Sitting in the exam room I was. Thinking about just exactly I wanted to tell her, and oh! dont forget to tell her [whatever]!

BTW, I obsess. (surprise!) I obsess about making sure I tell the doctor everything. I invariably forget something. I've even started writing things down now so that I will remember. Hello, neuroticville, table for 1.

So this time I was writing on my iPhone on my little "notes" app. Think notepad only apple-ified, and thus WAY COOLER. NO! WAY COOLER I SAID! She walks in, and I drop the phone in my purse. And then immediately go blank.

She introduces herself and we shake hands, "So what can I help you with today"

I think for a moment ("durrrr..."), and then reach for my phone, the hamsters awake and I go (ding!) "Oh yeah, my hair is thinning in the front"

Anyway. This story is getting far longer than necessary.

So she made me go get bloodwork after the appointment. Her office called me this morning.

Guess who's anemic. Anemia, that which could lead to hair loss, fatigue, weight gain (caused by aforementioned fatigue), etc.

CHECK, CHECK, AND FRIGGIN CHECK!

I swear to god, I've had bloodwork done before. Nobody mentioned anemia. Ever.

So I ran out to the store after work to get me some Iron, Vitamin C (better absorption of Iron), and Fiber supplements (cuz taking iron makes your bowels all none worky. oh fun)! Yay pills! Pills to fix me! Wheeee Pills!

And hey! NOW I KNOW WHY IM SO DAMN COLD ALL THE TIME!

I hope this works. I could use more hair on my head, more energy and a little less girth around the mid-section, thats fo sho!

Tips to Prevent PMS

I saw these words in my inbox and thought "yes! finally! *fistpump*" and eagerly clicked the link. I figured I'd read some things I already know, like avoid caffeine, avoid foods high in sodium, exercise, drink water, etc. But I figured surely, since they bothered to take the time to send out an email, they would have a few new kernels of wisdom.

Right? Well, here's their wisdom.

AND I QUOTE:

Because doctors are not exactly sure what causes PMS, there is no way to prevent it. However, you may be able to alleviate some PMS symptoms by leading a healthier lifestyle.

Well knock me down and slap me silly, thats INCREDIBLY USEFUL INFO. THANKS EVER SO MUCH FOR SENDING OUT THAT EMAIL.

In search of new ankles...

I totally bit it on the way to my car from the grocery store. I was pushing the cart along, overflowing with stuff, iPhone in hand. Because, I don't know, I fancy myself as someone important. Who could receive a call at any second! Must be ready!

The goal for the grocery store was to acquire umm, hamburger meat I think, I left with over $100 of stuff (P.S. its creepy how fast that happens).

I slipped on the word "Stop" painted on the concrete in my worn out crocks flip-flops. It had just rained, one of those monsoon rains that downpours for 5 minutes and disappears. And I guess the combination of the wet ground, no doubt mixed with oil, the slickness of the white paint and the fact that my shoes no longer had tread = Tricia fall down, go boom.

Or you know, the fact that I am a complete klutz, could have had something to do with it.

I slipped, twisted my ankle. Grasped my phone and the handle bar of the grocery cart and somehow fell to my knees, never letting go. I heard the familiar pop that I've heard more than enough times that I have lost count.

There was a woman in front of me emptying her cart into the back of her SUV. She gasped, and said "Are you OK?!"

Still kneeling in the middle of the parking lot, still grasping handle bar and phone, I wince "um.. yeah i think so"

and then I proceed to walk to the side of the road ON MY KNEES. STILL PUSHING THE CART. STILL WITH PHONE IN HAND (my precious). I think I did this because I have twisted/sprained my ankle enough to know that I cannot always put weight on it immediately, and walking on my knees was my solution.

Vaguely graceful, no?

I'm OK now, the popping always happens. And with me and my sad little ankles, the popping means nothing. They pop when I take my first steps out of bed every morning. They pop when I take my first steps after sitting for a time. It's a normal thing. It's sore and I'm kinda limpy, but that's more probably due to the fact that I am a big fat baby. Wah.

I really need to get cracking on those strengthening exercises. Somebody remind me tomorrow.

It's high time we had a list

1. Going to San Francisco in a week for a conference and I'm twitchy about it. Being by myself. All by myself. In a city I've never been to makes me twitchy. wah.


2. Taebo Bootcamp Elite, Mission 1: Make Tricia's Body Ooze Pain--Accomplished. *wince*


3. Blackberry knows when its medication, even if you switched to ointment to be rubbed on the inside of the ears. It's equally terrifying. And don't you even dare come near me human. I WILL CUT YOU.


4. Bought a pink laptop bag from ebags that is just darling. Part of the cost was donated to Susan B. Komen Foundation. I am a fantastic human.


5. Spent ummm... A LOT at the grocery store yesterday afternoon. Then, had Chinese for dinner. I R BRAT.


6. Made kick-ass dinner tonight to make up for it. Karma restored.


7. Any chance I can drop 10lbs between now and the time I get on the plane next Monday? NO? WATCH ME.


8. WHAT IN THE SAM HELL DO I PACK TO GO TO THIS PLACE. I keep hearing its windy and chilly, but nice and warm during the day. But seriously, chilly. Chilly for whom? Normal warm-blooded humans, or me? hmmm? ANSWERS PEOPLE. I NEED THEM.


9. So uh, hey. Anyone wanna hang in San Francisco next week with me? It'll be loads of fun!


10. C'mon :(

Thank You Detroit!

So I was a good girl and put my tax refund in my savings account and declared to only use it when absolutely necessary.

And then I caved and used some of it to buy Rockband at Target. Woopsy.

When we were putting it together, I unwrapped the drum sticks and smiled. I had an instant flashback to me laying on my bed coloring and my brother playing drums on the back of my thigh. Or my stomach, or my arm--whatever was available or made the best sound I guess. I could smell the house and I could hear him "ratta tat tat brtrrtrtrtrtrtrtrt"ing. So weird how random objects will take you back in time and that time will be so vivid. I miss hanging out with my brothers.

Vocals and Guitar I pretty much have down but MAN do I feel ridiculous trying to play the drums, arms all flailing about and leg stomping and stammering at all the wrong times. I've never felt so out of rhythm in my entire life.

I love this game with my whole heart! Seriously!

Anyway, gotta run! I've got a drum kit to master.