Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Bad Grammar, extremely long sentences, and overuse of the comma

So, hi! I turned 31 last week. Which means I am for real in my 30's. I knew it was coming, but man it feels very sudden and uh...weird. I still feel like im 22ish. Though, I do pop randomly when I move around (bones popping), so it's obvious im NOT in fact 22. And I have to wear glasses to sing on RockBand, and I wear an ankle brace on my right ankle mostly lots these days, and I get sleepy at 10pm, and I see a chiropractor weekly. But, you know, whatever. I'll embrace it eventually.

Next eeek moment: 35.

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BF did the most amazing thing this weekend, more on that later. Just know that he rules. Rules way hard.

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Not a declaration, more like fact: I unpacked my willpower yesterday and signed myself up for a Medically supervised weight loss program. Today is day 1, and I haven't cheated thus far. Its 8:30, so I'm pretty positive that I will make it today. AND may I just add that BF is out of town, so I could totally cheat. But there's this pesky food/activity journal I have to fill out that's keeping me honest. I could lie on it, but what would be the point of that. I am paying...paying a lot...for this so, the only person I'd be hurting is my fat self. So why not just do it, and reap the rewards, know what I'm sayin'?

The stats they got from their little weight machine were pretty...uhh horrific:

Height: 5'4" (I FRIGGIN GREW!!! YAY!!)
Weight: Seriously? You know I am to vain to divulge that. I'll tell you when I am no longer weighing 80jillion pounds, k?
BMI: 33.8 *gulp*
Fat %: 50.1% (JFC)
Fat Mass: 98.8 lb
FFM (my bones and whatever): 98.4lbs
TBW (Total Body Water): 72.0lb

Desirable Ranges:
BMI: 18.5 - 24.9
Fat %: 21-33%
Fat Mass: 26.2-48.4lb

So yeah, fatty has some work to do.

BF signed up too, so this will be awesome being able to do it together and I won't find myself lovingly eyeing his plate of whatever I cant eat--or vice versa. And that, my friends, is a GOOD THING cuz we have this tendency to give into each other's whims without a second thought.

The program entails 3 phases. I'm too lazy to type out all that, so just go read if you are interested.

I spent 50 minutes waiting in the waiting room before I was seen yesterday, and that pissed me off. But I'm told thats a rare occurrence and blah blah. Uh huh. Vee shall see missy, vee shall see.

Im allowed 500 calories this week. 500 calories of protein. Now, when they told me that I chuckled, because ARE YOU FRIGGIN INSANE?! But! part of the supplements they give us is a appetite suppressant, and surprisingly enough, I wasn't hungry once today. I actually had to force myself to eat. I was that un-hungry non-hungry not hungry. I'm feeling a little jittery, anxious, something wherein I cannot sit for long periods of time. Which probably just means that its energy and my brain is confused about what exactly energy IS.

Im supposed to drink 128 ounces of water per day.

Let me just tell you how much water that is: A. LOT.

And when you drink that much water, guess what you have to do lots: PEE.

Did you know that 500 calories a day is hard to get in when you arent hungry? One of the injections I get, the side-effect is that you lose the craving for carbs. And when they told me that yesterday, I piffled because obviously they dont know me at all.

Turns out they were right!

So far I have eaten today:
4 oz. Fat Free Cottage Cheese (which is not yummy by itself) = 70 calories
1 Propel Fitness Water, Berry = 20 calories
6 Slices of Deli Turkey Meat = 45 calories
1 stick of string cheese = 80 calories
1 vanilla low carb/high protein shake = 250 calories (I know! what the deal! That's half my daily caloric intake people!)
Total Calories = 465

I STILL HAVE 35 CALORIES TO EAT PEOPLE. So I gotta find some protein worth 35 calories to shove down my throat because, guess what: IM NOT HUNGRY. AT ALL.

Crazy, right?

Anyway, so I go back in on Friday to get more injections and weighed and stuff since im on vacay next week. A secret little--okokok--LARGE part of myself hopes that I will show some progress when I go on Friday, 3 days into this, uh, "lifestyle". Something. Water? Fat? Weight? SOMETHING. BF lost several percentages of Body Fat after doing it FOR ONE DAY.

Did you hear that? That's the start of a ruthless competition.

I'm coming after you, suckah.

6 comments:

  1. I'm glad you guys are doing this together! It is way too hard when you have yummy dinner sitting at the table next to your no fun one.

    I'm sure you will drop a lot to start. That 500 calorie thing is rough!

    How did they do the body fat calculation? Did they do the pinching thing. My trainer did that to me on Monday . . THAT FREAKIN' HURT!!!!!!! I have lovely bruises all over my body :(

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  2. Nah, they had me stand on this scale thingy barefoot and it determined all that and printed out this little like receipt looking thing.

    It really shoulda said "GOOD GOD GIRL, GOOD THING YOU ARE HERE. FATSO."

    At least, that's what I was hearing when I read the printout ;)

    The scale apparently sends low doses of electricity or uh sound waves through my body via the bottoms of my feet and it determines the fat and all that, uh that way.

    Honestly, I am not positive, she was explaining it to me as I was reading my printout, so I was not paying attention.

    I weighed myself this morning because I'm impatient and I've lost 3 point something pounds! Probably water, but I will take it!

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  3. Whatever you don't buy one of those cheaper scales with the body fat thing on it. Mine is totally off. Mine says my body fat is 41.5% (which over the last year has not really dropped according to the scale, even though I can physically see the muscle changes in my body) and my trainer pinchy calculation is 24.1% . . .I think I want to go with hers :)

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  4. YEAH!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you guys!!!! AND wow what it must feel like to not freakin be hungry all the time!!! I can not wait to start working out again, Sunday here I come!!! With these crazy political conventions my sleep is all sorts of messed up!!! :)

    Love you ladies, hopefully this next summer we will all be smokin hot....do I hear Girls weekend in the next 10 months??? :)

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  5. We are already smokin' hot even with the extra pounds :)

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  6. hmm. What about Visceral? That's really what matters. That's the stuff that kills you. Seems to wrong to throw everything in to one big pile of fat.

    Here's an interesting fact: When they were doing autopsy's on dead boy's coming back from 'nam (18 years old, etc)they found most of them had build up in their arteries. I wonder what is going on in my room mates veins right now.

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