Thursday, January 22, 2009

On job hunting

Finding a job has to be one of the most tedious, gut-wrenching things a person ever has to do. It is, at least, when you feel under major pressure to find one so that you can pay your bills the next month.

I've gone to 6 interviews, 3 of which were with the same place. Every night before each interview I'd toss and turn, thoughts flying all over the place, praying silently. No matter how little sleep I ended up getting, I always awoke at least an hour before I really needed to, with a million knots in my stomach, throat all small, raging headache. I went to every single interview on an empty stomach. Probably not the best move on my part, but the thought of food never crossed my mind. I always ended up showing up to the interview 30 minutes early. An excruciating 30 minutes where I tried everything to distract myself from....myself:

"What if I'm not good enough"
"What if I'm not what they're looking for"
"What if I'm a total spazz in the interview"
"What if my breathe smells"
[Sticks piece of gum in mouth]
"Dont forget to spit out the gum before you go in"
"Man, I still hate pantyhose"
"Please, I NEED this job."

How does one distract themselves from themself you ask? Sudoku on the iPhone, dude ;).

Lucky for me and those I shook hands with, when I'm nervous, my hands dont get all clammy. They just turn the temperature of a chilled corpse. It's winter, so that can be played off easily. Uh... right?

Once in the interview, I tend to calm down. Mostly. I did notice that for those 3 interviews with the one place that I became very relaxed almost instantly, which I read to be a good sign.

In the middle of every damn interview I realized I still had the damn gum in my mouth. I'd try to nonchalantly move it to the side of my mouth when they weren't looking at me so it wouldn't be seen when I talked, and then I'd realize later on in the interview that I forgot where the hell I was and found myself chomping like a cow on cud. Professional, right? My breath was minty fresh though, so there's that.

After the interviews, my stomach would drop dramatically every time my phone rang. Or when my "YOUVE GOT MAIL" bell would chime. I wanted a job. I NEEDED a job. Each day that passed with no news, I'd grow just a little bit more pessimistic.

There is one place who has yet to call me, three weeks later. What happened to courtesy? Or have I been out of the job hunting for so long, that people just don't do that anymore. It bothers me some that they never contacted me. I keep wondering what exactly they didn't like about me. My skills? Or lack thereof? My portfolio? My suit? My Shoes? My salary requirement? The GUM?!

Happily, that's all over now. I was hired yesterday, THANK YOU GOD! I start Monday. My title is User Interface Developer. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? I am excited about all the things I am going to learn, all the technologies I am going to be exposed to. I cannot wait to build on my current skill-set and learn things I never got the chance to at my old job. I'll be glad to be viewed as a professional, and not the 19 year old kid mostly everyone seemed to still see me as. When you are at a job that long, it's just like how your parents look at you--they just don't see you any older than 12. Yes, I will have to prove myself, but it will be different this time. And yes, ok, being laid off IS/WAS a blessing. I give. Even if every time I heard that I wanted to punch the person in the face (but I love you anyway)--I'm still bitter about it, give me some time.

Today I emailed every recruiter I have spoken to regarding job opportunities, notifying them that I have accepted a position elsewhere, and that they could suck it.

What? I only said that last part to myself. I didnt actually type it. C'mon now.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Grace in Small Things: Day 1 of 365

Because I can't seem to think of anything to write about lately, and when I do it's dripping in bitterness and hate and worry and fear and.....well you get the idea. I was reading through Whoorl's blog to catch up on things I'd missed (cuz, hey I aint got shit-else to do) and noticed she had decided to join this Grace in Small Things challenge. I figured why the hell not. The two of you that are still here are probably bored by now ;)

So anyway, here I go.

  1. The love and support of my close friends, my family and my favorite man in the world, BF. Awwwww.
  2. XBOX. For it's timesuck abilities.
  3. The fact that its Thursday, one day closer to the day that I found out whether I got this job or not. PLEASE GOD PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
  4. BF. I know, I said him already. But SERIOUSLY. I am so very lucky.
  5. Taking comfort in the knowledge that I am not a bad person. I am not a bad employee. THIS ISNT MY FAULT. (and yet, still feeling guilty)
As an update, things are still a little dramatic over here. I'm still worrying, naturally, about whether or not I am going to be able to pay my bills next month. I hate the idea of having to borrow money from BF. Everytime I go out and make any kind of purchase, I feel guilty. Like, if I had driven slower, or carved a hole in the bottom of the car and propelled it Flintstone's style then I wouldnt have had to put gas in the car.

Or, that Fajitas for 2 that I bought the other night. Eventhough it got my ass out of the house. That's $12 I don't have now. How was that a good move Tricia? (and uh, P.S. yes I ate Fajitas for 2 by myself. I only ever eat the meat though, so shuttup)

Speaking of eating. I'm not eating. Not very much anyway. And it's not because Im trying to be all dramatic. I'm just........... not hungry. It's a combination of the smoking and the HOLYFUCKWILLIGETTHATJOB?WILLIGETANYJOB? worry. I ate the fajitas for two, but I only had a protein shake earlier in the day. So what's that? Like 600 calories? At least Im not gaining weight I suppose. In fact, I'm losing

Even things that I LOVE seem unappealing. I had pizza rolls for lunch. I ate like 6 rolls. Usually I can put away like 15 or so. Hey, you dont get all rotund like this eating 4 almonds. Know what Im sayin? I feel myself teetering on the cusp of some kind of depression. It's sad to me that a job can define my self-worth. I wake up every morning (11 counts as morning, right?) with a headache and knots in my stomach. I go to bed around 4am so it's not like I'm sleeping too much.

Hi, drama. Sorry!

ANYWHO. So yeah, hope to have good news tomorrow! How are you guys? Tell me a funny story. I need funny.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

50 things...

Hey, don't look at me--I got tagged ;)

1.What color is your tooth brush? White
2. Did you dream last night? No Idea
3. What is your favorite candy bar? Snickers
4. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yup
5. What is the last thing you said aloud? No Audio?
6. What is the best ice cream flavor? Peanut Butter Chocolate. mmmmmmm
7. What is the last thing you had to drink? Dr. Pepper
8. What are you wearing right now? Track Pants and a tshirt
9. What was the last thing you ate? Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, it's what's for dinner!
10. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Nope
11. When was the last time you ran? Like on purpose? No idea
12. Who was the last person to send you a message/comment on your blog? Erin
13. Do you take vitamins daily? Did, but I've sorta been forgetting lately
14. Do you go to church every Sunday? No, but i did for a 2.5 decades
15. Do you have a tan? No, but Im darker than BF ;)
16. Do you like Chinese food over pizza? I like both equally
17. Do you drink soda with a straw? Only when I am in a restaurant
18. What does your last text message say? "I'm thinking breakfast for dinner. Burritos? Can you pick up tortillas and sausage? Maybe bacon too... Oh Milk! Need Milk? Oh, and um shredded hashbrowns heh. Please :) <3
19. Are you someones best friend?
20. What are you doing tomorrow? More of the same probably. Chillin' on the couch, watching TV, messing around on the internet. Doing the 30 day shred. Hopefully.
21. Where is your dad? In our townhouse in Virginia, freezing his ass off! Sorry Daddy! HVAC will be replaced Tuesday! Keep that space heater cranked!!! LOVE YOU!!!
22. Look to your left, what do you see? Couch Pillow, wall, light switch, doorbell bell
23. What color is your favorite pair of shoes? Brown and White
24. Do you use chap stick? Yes
25. Whats your favorite thing to do in your free time? Depends on my mood, but youll usually find me on the couch, laptop on lap, tv on. I'm a real active girl.
26. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Both
27. Do you have a dog? No
28. Last guy you talked on the phone with? My dad
29. Last girl you talked on the phone with? Jess
31. Do you dye your hair? When I have money, yup
32. Can you say the alphabet backwards? Yes but very slowly
33. Do you have a maid service clean your house? yes
34. Are you jealous of anyone? I really wish I could say no, but...Im jealous of those women who have already fought the fight and have reached their weight goals. Im jealous of the girls who go to the gym everyday and it shows. Im jealous of the people with jobs.
35. Do you love anyone? Yes, lots of peoples
36. Do any of your friends have children? Yes
37. Do you use the word Hello daily? yes
38. Do you like cats? No, I love them.
39. Have you ever been to Six Flags? yes
40. How did you get your worst scar? Riding one of those scooters that was like part skateboard, part bike, down a hill. Car was coming behind me. I freaked and jumped off, slid down the hill on my knees. Woot.
41. What is your favorite smell? CLEAN
42. What is the last DVD you watched? An evening with Kevin Smith
43. Have you ever been to Disney World? Yup
44. What is your favorite number? Dont really have one
45. Do you toast your pop tarts? I can eat 'em either way
46. Have you ever waited tables? No
47. Where did you have your first kiss? Movie Theatre? I dont remember actually
48. What should you be doing? Working Out, reading about javascript, doing more job searches...
49. Do you enjoy wasting time blogging? I enjoy reading more than writing I think
50. How many blogs to you contribute to? Contribute with comments or like, write posts for? Comments--maybe 5, Write for--0.

Now let's see... Krys, Tree, Jen from UKMcKays, Jen the redhead ;)... TAG YER IT. For those of you without blogs. Put your answers in the comments. DO IT.