Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I heart carpooling *happy sigh*

okokok so it's only the first day of it but SWEET JESUS I LOVE IT ALREADY!

I Didn't spend forever in barely moving traffic on 95, we saw an accident seconds after it happened and I didnt get all paranoid about getting hit like I normally do, cuz HA I WASNT DRIVING WHEEEEEEEE!

I am a tad neurotic (and those that know me...shoosh! ;P ) about locking my car so im, ya know, sorta worried about whether I locked my car or not--"OH SHIT DID I LOCK MY CAR? WAIT! I did I did! phew. NO WAIT DID I????"-- yeah uh huh sorta worried.

Also, cuz I didnt drive and I didnt have to sit in traffic forever, this translates into me being in an actual happy mood right when I get to work instead of it taking me an hour to get over myself and then get in the good mood, like usual. Who'da thought?

Im also only slightly worried about my car being parked at a place where cd's got stolen out of a car. gasp! My CD's NONONONO! only kidding *cough* here... love you harmsmony *mua*

I hope we can carpool tomorrow too, woot!

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Move along, nothin to see here...

So I stroll on into work about 6:14 which TOTALLY counts as 6:00 (shut-up, YES IT DOES). All in a happy-ish mood (I mean really, how happy can you be at this hour), log on to my computer and the glorious little envelope pops up. Yay! Email! I go check email. An Email from a friend! weee! My eyes travel over to the subject line and my heart sinks a little as I read "She said Yes." So I open the email hoping its a joke of some kind cuz thats what I usually get from him.


He proposed to his girlfriend and She said YES! Yay!

Now, dont get me wrong I am COMPLETELY happy for him. Seriously, love and happiness and all that.

but sonofalsdkfjoewifhoweihoweijhglejkfs WHATS WRONG WITH ME???

Im not gonna bore you with my relationship woes (much) cuz really, if you know me it would only be repetitive. The boyfriend and I have discussed this (ad nauseum if you ask him). So I know what the issues are. So I should be fine. And I am for the most part (I SAID FOR THE MOST PART). Its just when shit pops up like this im like "ugh, there HAS to be something wrong with me"

I immediately blame myself. Why? I dunno, cuz really? I am the most awesomest girl out there (fo sho)!


so I will continue to sit and wait for that day. I honestly am not sure how much longer I can do this though. Im finding myself lately shutting down, shutting out, building walls. Which, yeah no shit, is no good. Maybe I am in denial and already know sub-consciously what the outcome will be and am just protecting myself from all the hurt that is coming? OR maybe im sabotaging the relationship with the one person I am most comfortable with, the one guy who I can totally see growing old with, the one guy who knows all my buttons to push and does--yet even when I am most angry I still love him so much and the one guy who loves me for me (even though I am a raging bitch). no questions asked. and I am ruining it cuz im friggin selfish and trying to comply with this time in my head that I should be married by (yes, 30), or that ya know after 10 years, its time to take that next step already (really, says who? ME DAMNIT ME!). Things can never be perfect and there are never any guarantees, I tell him and WOW maybe I should listen to my own advice. WHO CARES IF IM THE LAST ONE TO GET MARRIED ON THE FRIGGIN PLANET.

me :(

oh and P.S. yes this is a whiney blog because HELLO im a girl! This is what I do best! so stuffit!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

If the TV died, I wouldn't cry. . . AT ALL.

I've been in this weird mood lately...

all kinda depressed and

listenin to mellowish music and

thinking about life! and omg!WhatDoIDo! meh. and

every chance I get the damn TV gets turned off

off pls.

die tv die.

all we do is watch tv. we waste hours lazing in front of the tv doing nothing of course cuz! omg! we gotta make room for the new stuff coming!

Is it possible to burn out on TV, cuz dude, I totally am. I never thought this would happen.



Like, right now, the season finale of Lost is being watched and OMG!I. DONT. CARE. I have laptop in lap, headphones on. I say "huh?!" a lot cuz the boyfriend is in denial of me having said headphones on.

70's show finale on now. Hey btw, should I admit out loud that I just figured out (or OK boyfriend told me, fine. FINE.) that Fes's name stands for...

wait for it...


*faint* I KNOW!

how the hell did i not get that?

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

TINA! Come Get Your Ham!

GOSH!! (I...dunno...I thought it was funny)

So, I have started an entry every day since my last posting.

I click on new entry and then


hey so, my blog's name isn't that far off after all huh?

oh and also?

Dear Man driving VW bugbeetle (whatever it is!) this morning,

Sweet sweet fellow, I realize that you got up on time, and you have your morning coffee and all is right with the world, and whenever you get to work is when you get to work. But--and trust me when I say this--this is not the case for everyone.

It really is imperative that you drive faster than this.



Traffic? Meh. I understand the complacency, but...seriously? Reading the newspaper? Is that not a steering wheel in front of you? You are letting all the goobers in because you are not paying attention!

Yes love, we are merging, true. But that really doesn't mean you need to let the ENTIRE lane in.


Oh and? Your hair looks beauuuuutiful, stop primping! You Self-centeredPieceof0w8eut90w84eut0o9wiutfgo0weu9g!


Ticked off Chick behind you

P.S. You car is for girls. It comes with a flower. A. FLOWER.

UPDATE: ok,the car comes with a vase for a flower. semantics. ITS STILL FOR A FLOWER! YOU GIRL!

ok I feel all better now.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Witty Title

Just now, I paused my iTunes so I could sneeze...once I sneezed, I pressed play.

what the ?


Last night, I had a girl moment. And I mean a total girlOnTheBrinkBigFatCrocodileTears moment cuz--oh! speaking of fat--I am. Normally, this is a lingering thought that tugs at my self conscience of which, I do nothing about.


well instead.

this time.

unlike last time.

or that other time.

(how long can i do this one sentence per line crap you ask).

that long.

oh heh. ANYWAY. on with the story-- I went to the gym, at the boyfriends suggestion (god love him). and so I went. Man, I kicked some elliptical ass! Usually, when I hop on to the elliptical, I start out slow and gradually work up to something that equals a sweaty girl cuz GOD! that machine is evil. Ow!

Not this time. oh no. I was p.i.s.s.e.d. off and ellipticalled (totally made that up) with a vengence. Whats more, everytime I felt I was being judged by some moronic (right? cuz you cant possibly have all those muscles and be hot AND have intelligence...that wouldn't be fair) muscle boy who could possibly be, but HIGHLY UNLIKEY (duh), looking my way...I would hit it harder.

Seriously, by the time I was done, my lungs were burning. and as I walked over to the spray and towel to clean my beaten-up machine (as all good gym people do, right! right?), I was seriously worried my legs were gonna give out. I felt all shakey and ...




Today I have the reminants of a severe elliptical beating...toosh and stems slightly achy. But, yeah, I totally won this time.

I'm so happy about it, I just might go back tonight. You can't hide from me, Mr. Elliptical!

oh and! I weighed myself before I left the gym, and turns out? I've only gained 1.5 lbs. since I last went to the gym --which was march. not bad, eh? also, 21 days=3weeks of non-smoker life *flex* take that, nonHavingFaithInMeMoFo's!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Literal Boy Strikes Again!

OK, I don't know if this is all guys or just my guy but...

the dude can never discuss a ever.

Like if I were to say "what if you lived on the moon, what kinda job would you have?" (and no, Im not usually random like that) to which he would respond with "but I dont live on the moon"

"yeah but, say you did"

"well I cant though, cuz I don't"


I bring this up cuz we had one of those moments towards the end of our Phoenix trip. I was really feeling like we were totally disrupting their lives cuz we didnt rent a car. To protect the innocent, I will call them "Goose" and "Carol" (Ya know, Tom Cruise's pal on Top Gun and his wife (meg ryan)...cuz he is a fighter pilot and she's...well she is his wife). So Goose told us not to, that they had two cars and it would be fine. So we didn't.

Well, 1. we (ok, maybe just I) forgot that you cant just take off 5 days from the Air Force at the drop of a hat...cuz it doesnt work like that. And 2.when you get visitors during finals, you still have to study and take your tests, no way around that! We (I) had no idea "Carol" had finals during the time we were there, I would have insisted on a reschedule of our trip.

So the "working it out" ended up being us taking "Carol" to and from school every day. Which wasn't a big deal on our part, but, that had to be so not convenient for her.

So Im trying to explain this to my boyfriend (I have yet to come up with a code name for him)...

"Let's say the shoe was on the other foot and Goose asked you if he should rent a car, you would totally say "yeah no! dont rent a car! we've got two cars! we can work it out!" yet when it came down to it, it didnt really work out because I ended up having to work and so did you...see what i mean?"

to which he responded:

"No, cuz we have three cars."

*raises eyebrow*

Monday, May 08, 2006

All signs point to GO THE EFF HOME!

So, im still pissed off about nothing. Which is always pleasant. The highlight of my day thus far has to be. . .

It's 1:30, I leave work at 3:00 and I figured it was about time for lunch. For whatever reason, I am not real hungry today, usually im starving by 11:00. Anyway so I go to the kitchen and make myself a sandwich from the stuff I brought in. I refill my water bottle and I go back to my desk. I unscrew the water bottle, open my Crystal Light Raspberry Ice (red, very red) on the go packet and pour it in. screw back on bottletop. Shakey shakey. "OH SHIT" I say outloud as red stuff drips off me and the WHITE WALL behind me. I didnt close the pop-top.


Yeah, me.

So I go to the bathroom, wet some towels, grab some dry ones, wipe off the red stuff that is dripping (yeah, no shit--how the hell??!?!?!) out of my hair onto my neck. pat down the rest of my WHITEfrickin blouse, and hurry back to the wall. This stuff stains! Holy hell, it stains my kitchen counters at home all the time. Walking back to my desk I plot how I will get off what I can and then bring in one of those Mr. Clean Erasers tomorrow morning and fix it all. I sit down and commence cleaning. IT ALL COMES OFF! whew. Trust me if you knew why I would be freaking out, you'd be whew'n too.

So yeah, but the blouse is a goner im sure.

Guh, can I go home now?

btw, you will notice that this is being posted at 2pm. I mean, who doesn't think "oh I totally gotta blog this!" RIGHT AFTER something happens to them?
....No? Just Me?

You people make my ass twitch

bad mood.

bad bad bad.

dont talk to me, I dont care.

shutup shutup shutup.

dont come near me. I will bite your head off for no reason.


Friday, May 05, 2006

Dear Bubba,

Today is your birthday, and for some reason my mind is awash with memories...

That summer, instead of working, you took care of me while Mom and Dad worked. Taking care of me (as I remember it) consisted of watching MTV all day, and then cleaning up in the last half hour before mom and dad were due to come home. I remember the Duran Duran video with the lady with the weird make-up and the white suited fellers. I remember Thriller and the scary dead people, and you telling me it wasnt real it was just make-up. I remember the subsequent nightmares. I remember you making me watch the making of the Thriller video to prove the make-up story and me still having nightmares ;). I remember helping dry the dishes then you telling me to go sit down while you finished putting the dishes away. I never said anything but I distinctly remember seeing you pull the dishes back out after you thought I left and re-drying them cuz, well i was 4 or 5 and not very thorough I guess. I remember you trying to teach me to walk without looking down, though surely, that was way earlier in life? I remember how frustrated I was hehe. But, I got it!

I remember those really hot, humid nights and you telling me to "think cool" and me trying so hard and lied and told you it worked. :P

Later on in life, you tried to teach me how to ride a bike. Remember how I ended up freaking out on a hill when a car came? My mouth met the curb and that was that. I remember waking up from sleeping after the accident and saw you fixing my bike. I remember feeling guilty that I let you down. To this day, I do not know how to ride a bike, and to this day, I still feel guilty.

Later still, you tried to teach me how to drive stick in your pick-up truck. I remember shifting gears, or trying to, and you yelling "STOP STOP STOP" and me completely forgetting where the brake was. I remember you somehow pulling the key out of the ignition as we head straight for a telephone poll, and sitting there still and quiet as you returned your heart and stomach to their rightful locations. Meanwhile, Im like, "hey fun, can we do it again!?!?!"

I remember one night when you were home from college, going for a ride in your white vw bug with a black trunk (ha) and we saw one of those spotlights in the sky. We then drove around for a couple of hours trying to find where the spotlight was coming from, which was so exciting to me. Hanging out with my super-cool college brother, and the fact that you wanted to hang out with me? even cooler. I remember another time when you were home from college and you had the cutest puppy dog. You were training him and the puppy peed on the carpet (as they do sometimes). To my shock and horror, you grabbed the puppy dog and rubbed its nose in the carpet where it peed and then put the puppy down. The puppy was wimpering and I felt so bad for the doggy that I reached out to pet it. You yelled at me to not touch her. *sniffle*

I remember your accident and how completely broken (not literally) you were. A week or so (I guess it was) after it happened you flew up here and walked in the door and I gave you a hug and whispered "I love you" in your ear and you started to cry and so did I (heh wow im crying now). You then went upstairs to Mom and Dad's room where Mom was sitting, you got down on your knees, put your head in her lap and cried. I remember later how helpless I felt looking at you through the glass, and how I could do nothing but cry--even though I was trying so hard to not let you see me upset. I remember the letters we wrote back and forth and how I looked forward to your calls. I remember September 11th, but for a different reason. I remember talking to you several times that day, and I remember how scared you sounded. You are a different person now, but in the best way imaginable.

I remember your wedding, and how incredibly happy you were and still are.

My fondest childhood memories all have you in them. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there for me and I will treasure these memories forever. But we still have more to make, so lets get to it! ;)

Happy Birthday Bubba, I love you!


Little Bit


Happy Cinco de Mayo!!! (yay!yay!yay!YAY!*highpitchedwhistle*)

heh days like this I miss San Antonio.

Up here in politico-land its just another day. In San Antonio, it'd be another story. I hear mariachi's singing in the background, I see those big paper flowers, bright colors everywhere, awesome food, guacamole on my shirt (sonofa if I cant not spill on myself), happy drinking people. ohhh also fiesta week is coming soon!!! or did it pass already? damnit, see I've been gone too long!

CRAP! I did miss it!!!!


alright so anyway, it's also one of my brothers' birthday! How cool is that? Being born on cinco de mayo. I mean really. AND growing up in san antonio where everyone is celebrating your birthday!!! very nice. Course, I highly doubt my mom was all excited about it being cinco de mayo that fateful day.

oh wait, he was born in Germany on an Army base...

well nevermind then!

ah... fiesta week. Note to self: must schedule vacation during this time and go to san antonio NEXT YEAR. hmph.

oh pssssst. btw. today is 2--COUNT EM: UNO, DOS--weeks of non-smoker life. *bow*

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Missed me didntcha?

hmm ok maybe not ;)

I went to Phoenix, AZ for 5 nights for some visiting and hanging out with friends. It was nice. It was hot. It was nice and hot. BUT it was a dry heat see, not humid like here, so it was completely bearable.

Im still smoke-free thankyouverymuch. ok ok OK, I did smoke one while I was drinking...
but but but
it did gross me out!

Plus the fact that I only smoked one is totally impressive cuz normally when I have quit and I am drinking and I decide I must smoke I never Ever stop at one (or ten). This time though was different, this time I chose to sloooooow dowwwwwn the drinking instead so that I didnt get super tipsy/drunk and had full control over myself. oh and to not piss off the boyfriend. and actually now that I think about it, I doubt he knew about the one. woopsy. But you gotta admit, I was stealthy!

and by george it worked!

Anyway, so AZ was interesting. Very weird to see like 7 foot cactus (cactii?) where trees would normally be, I kept thinking of those fake backdrops to plays n stuff. Lots of "rock lawns." Which I would totally love, but only cuz im lazy, not cuz it's pretty (at all).

ohhhhhhhh on the excruciatingly long plane ride over (ok, 4.5 hours aint all that bad but it's the longest i've ever been on!) the lady sittin next to me taught me the ways of the sudoku--and holy hell I love this game!

no, hehe, im totally serious. I even went to walgreens while in AZ and bought not one but TWO sudoku puzzle books. anytime we were just sitting around watching tv or whatever, my nose was in my puzzle book.

I shit you not, I was solving sudoku puzzles in my sleep last night.

no, seriously.

I started with the sudoku puzzles in the airline mag, then I moved on to a Sudoku puzzle my friend found in the newspaper when I was apparently twitchy about it. I never solved that was a 5 star one people! I forgot to bring it home with me.

It's still bothering me that I won't be able to solve it. Perhaps I could have her mail it to me?

You think im kidding, but im so not.

and it's not a good thing that I found web sudoku...