I smoke out on our deck. I put the cigarette butts in used water bottles for a make shift ashtray...it works.
Background: Our house is backed to a small little forest and behind that is a church. We are the second house from the end and there is a tiny grouping of trees between the side of the last house and the main road. From the road to the side of the house on the end there is a trail where people (kids, mostly) cut through to get to where ever they are going. We do not have a fence and we have stairs going from the top deck to the bottom "deck". When my boyfriend got the townhouse inspected, the inspector (gadget...woo! woo!) said that the wood on the deck needs to be replaced and until we do, to not have too many people on the deck at the same time (eeps!).
So, I have a number of fears:
#1 Being Attacked! by Non-Existant Attackers
When I am outside smoking, I think about some crazy critter or some crazy human coming up the stairs and attacking! me. I admit it's stupid, but I apparently have an active imagination. So I keep my back to the door ensuring I will always be able to see my attacker. The light on our deck is not the greatest and the fireplace chimney protrudes out blocking the light from the rest of the deck. So its all creepy dark on the far end of the deck. So I huddle near the light and door. There are days when I look out into the "forest" and I hear rustling or swear I see something looking! at me. It ends up just being the water gauge (or something, I dunno, Its a light green thing and has this bright orange sticker on it that sometimes look like eyes (ooohhh scary). Like I said, active imagination. I also, lean over and peer around the chimney protrusion (its a word) to see if there is anyone there waiting patiently to attack! me. It could happen..
#2 Fall down, go boom
Likewise, I also have this fear of falling! through the deck. Ya know, cuz its so old and we haven't replaced the wood. So I step lightly, and when I hear a creak, my stomach drops just slightly. I have a general fear of falling, but I will leave that for another time.
#3 The Roof! The Roof! The Roof is on FIAH
I also worry about setting the house on fire with my make-shift ashtrays so I am constantly adding water to the bottle. It's dumb and I feel like Im watering a plant almost...only...not.
#4 WHAT THE F... WAS THAT?!?!?!
When my boyfriend travels, I blame every single sound I hear on the cats. Even the ones that the cats couldnt possibly make. Like random pounding on the wall. It makes me feel better. There was one time when the cats were not in the house (at my parents, catsitting--my parents were catsitting, not the cats babysi..well you get it) and I heard a noise and thought to myself "it's the cats" and I rolled over in bed to get more comfy. Then I thought "yo stupid, the cats arent even here." "shhhhh" I told myself.
#5 oooooh, Coocoi!
Somewhat related...When I was a kid, I used to tell myself that if I was covered completely with my blanket the monsters wouldn't get me. This must've stuck (cuz it works, duh!) because I tend to wake up all sweaty to this day. It doesn't matter that I'm melting in my sleep, im protected from the monsters! Or "coocoi", as it was known. Not sure of the spelling, but its pronounced "COO-COO-EEE". (There are times when I pretend I'm more spanish (not mexican, I said spanish demmit!) than I actually am.)