Friday, March 31, 2006

Things that go bump! in the night

I smoke. I know I know, it's bad for me and I'm gonna die but let's just put that aside for a sec...

I smoke out on our deck. I put the cigarette butts in used water bottles for a make shift works.

Background: Our house is backed to a small little forest and behind that is a church. We are the second house from the end and there is a tiny grouping of trees between the side of the last house and the main road. From the road to the side of the house on the end there is a trail where people (kids, mostly) cut through to get to where ever they are going. We do not have a fence and we have stairs going from the top deck to the bottom "deck". When my boyfriend got the townhouse inspected, the inspector (gadget...woo! woo!) said that the wood on the deck needs to be replaced and until we do, to not have too many people on the deck at the same time (eeps!).

So, I have a number of fears:

#1 Being Attacked! by Non-Existant Attackers

When I am outside smoking, I think about some crazy critter or some crazy human coming up the stairs and attacking! me. I admit it's stupid, but I apparently have an active imagination. So I keep my back to the door ensuring I will always be able to see my attacker. The light on our deck is not the greatest and the fireplace chimney protrudes out blocking the light from the rest of the deck. So its all creepy dark on the far end of the deck. So I huddle near the light and door. There are days when I look out into the "forest" and I hear rustling or swear I see something looking! at me. It ends up just being the water gauge (or something, I dunno, Its a light green thing and has this bright orange sticker on it that sometimes look like eyes (ooohhh scary). Like I said, active imagination. I also, lean over and peer around the chimney protrusion (its a word) to see if there is anyone there waiting patiently to attack! me. It could happen..

#2 Fall down, go boom

Likewise, I also have this fear of falling! through the deck. Ya know, cuz its so old and we haven't replaced the wood. So I step lightly, and when I hear a creak, my stomach drops just slightly. I have a general fear of falling, but I will leave that for another time.

#3 The Roof! The Roof! The Roof is on FIAH

I also worry about setting the house on fire with my make-shift ashtrays so I am constantly adding water to the bottle. It's dumb and I feel like Im watering a plant almost...only...not.

#4 WHAT THE F... WAS THAT?!?!?!

When my boyfriend travels, I blame every single sound I hear on the cats. Even the ones that the cats couldnt possibly make. Like random pounding on the wall. It makes me feel better. There was one time when the cats were not in the house (at my parents, catsitting--my parents were catsitting, not the cats babysi..well you get it) and I heard a noise and thought to myself "it's the cats" and I rolled over in bed to get more comfy. Then I thought "yo stupid, the cats arent even here." "shhhhh" I told myself.

#5 oooooh, Coocoi!

Somewhat related...When I was a kid, I used to tell myself that if I was covered completely with my blanket the monsters wouldn't get me. This must've stuck (cuz it works, duh!) because I tend to wake up all sweaty to this day. It doesn't matter that I'm melting in my sleep, im protected from the monsters! Or "coocoi", as it was known. Not sure of the spelling, but its pronounced "COO-COO-EEE". (There are times when I pretend I'm more spanish (not mexican, I said spanish demmit!) than I actually am.)

weirdo ;)


  1. You are such a funny girl, why not just smoke out front??? I know it's easier to go out back, but if you can enjoy smoking would be better to just head out the front door? Another suggestion, pick up some stronger light bulbs for the deck, we had to do that for our light out front, now it's REALLY bright, so bright I unsrewed two of the three lights. And as far as you falling through the deck, if you, me and Erin were out there and it didn't break, I think you are good!! :) I love you, great story, you are a good writer.

  2. cuz i feel all ghetto sitting out front, smoking. Plus, in the summertime, they are lots more icky bugs in the front than the back. Creepy spiders *shudder*

    AND, the water bottle ashtray would totally be ghetto on the front porch, no?

  3. a little ghetto, but you know, that's me!!! :)

  4. you wouldn't be just ghetto you'd be full-on amazon warrior

  5. I'm scared of everyhthing when I'm alone too. Well, scared in general that someone's going to break into my house, find me ever so irresistable, steal me, pillage my goods and kill me. I've watched a lot of CSI. :-/

    How come you know about teh Coo Coo monster? I'm confused. I didn't know you were MeHEcan! (:-)) What's your background please.

    Me? I'm the most Spanish chick you'll ever meet in your life. Right Harms?

  6. Oh, Lessee...

    Im Half spanish, half german (actually probably more like 25% spanish, 75% german) with some irish and indian?(my grandma said!).

    I grew up in san antonio,tx, so until high school all of my friends were latino of some kind. They taught me the ways of the coocoi. oh and the donkey lady...but thats another story all together.

  7. Cluss,

    you are the MOST spanish chick in the world, not gringa at all!!! HAAAAAAA!!! And I thought you found out about her herritage the night of my 70's party, but maybe a little bit to much drinky drinky to remember. :)

  8. oh i talked about my heritage that night? odd, i don't remember *blink* Maybe a little bit too much drinky drinky for me too?

    Yeah...not maybe, TOTALLY too much drinky drinky that night. good lord.


  9. No Tisha (you're new name, spelled more phoenetically too), Harms was drunky drunky. If neither you or I remember the convo and this drunken birf'day girl is remembering, out of default that makes us the ones who are right, no?

    Anywho, good to know my Latina sista! ((flashing secret sign))

  10. you are missing an R hehe...tRisha. It's just like harm's tricia!

    I like your rationale on that convo...

    oh yeah *flashes sign back*

    viva la rasa!

    (or something)