Ugh, so frickin L-A-Z-Y.
I've been in a sort of a rut for a while now where I'm unhappy with myself. Life is great really, but my self-image has been stomped on...by me. I've turned into this very lazy girl (now mind you, I wasn't all that active to begin with) who puts off doing the dishes even though she knows the friggin cats jump up on the counter (!) and try to eat whatever is there. I put off working out, I put off quitting smoking. Hell, I even put off the application of my make-up until after I'm at work, and granted Im really the only one here at 6am, but still.
You ever see those women who are always so put together? Yeah, thats so not me, but I do secretly wish it was. Those girls who change their purse everyday to match their outfits. They have shoes in colors other than black and brown AND MATCH THEIR DAGGON OUTFITS! I pretend Im sickened by it, like they have some sort of fault and Im perfect. But really, secretly deep down, I wanna be like that and I know Im the one who looks like she could give two craps about what she looks like.
Occassionally the motivation will hit me and I will try. I dont think I will ever change my purse to match my outfit. But I did buy a pair of red heels. I think I've worn them a handful of times. So hard to match red, apparently. I dont usually do my hair, I just blow dry and go. But I know it looks tons better when I do do (heh, dodo) my hair. Yet I dont.
On the fat girl front, Im trying...really I am. Its not an active trying I suppose cuz I tend to take off an ENTIRE week at a time from working out. This then overflows into my eating and I figure that if I'm not working out, whats the point of eating right, really.
My saving grace has been that I only have good stuff in the house, so therefore, I'm eating right--but only cuz im too lazy to go out and get something bad. So I have lost 5lbs, but I KNOW if I was super serious about this, I could drop this weight so much quicker. My clothes are baggier, I dont quite resemble a woman 8 months pregnant anymore...and yet I still took last week off?
So this week is a new week. I've been eating well, like a good little girl. Today is workout day and Im already thinking of some reason why I cant do it.
I have my moments where I am all gun-ho about it and go everyday and feel all good about myself. Then I let something like my boyfriend not quite having the motivation yet influence me and make me think that I too lack the motivation. There is a big part of me who wants he and I to be a team and do this together, all Biggest Loser style. But he isnt feeling it yet and I know I just need to let him be until he musters up the motivation. I thought perhaps I could motivate him, but trust me I have tried many tactics and none of them work. Plus his work schedule is all screwy and up in the air most of the time, its hard to get a routine going. (Wow, I can even make excuses for him, too! I'm a professional here.) Anyway, so Ive decided just to focus on me and what I need to be doing and maybe me doing well will motivate him...or something. In the meantime, I have to crack that whip and get my large rear into the gym. No excuses!