Wednesday, December 31, 2008

New Year's Quiz

Because I am in love with Sundry, she asked for people to do a quiz, and by God I'm gonna do it.

Also, hey look! a reason for a post!

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Got laid off, interviewed for jobs...

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Ha. No. I'm thinking new year's resolutions are just there to show what a horrible follow througher (what?) I am...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, K & J had sweet little Dylan

4. Did anyone close to you die?
BF's grandmother :(

5. What countries did you visit?
Does Northern Virginia count as a whole other country? I think it does.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A JOB. heh. Well, and determination and motivation to quit and become a real no-shit non-smoker. That would rule. Also, thin. Being thin would be so great.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
[dramaqueen]Dec. 11th. The day I got laid off[/dramaqeen]

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I lost 25 lbs!

9. What was your biggest failure?
I started smoking again

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Ugly bad cold that turned into Bronchitis/Walking Pneumonia. Pre-school germs aint no joke.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I didn't buy it, technically. But BF paying for KegOfSunshine and her girls to come down for my birthday was HANDS DOWN the best. Ever.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
BF--he ceases to amaze me. What a big heart that boy has *swoon*

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My former employer, and before that, my own.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills *sigh*

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
OUR HOUSE! KegOfSunshine's Visit. With my Brother's and BF, pooling our resources together and giving my parents some help financially. You could see the stress melt away from their faces. Such a great feeling.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Weird, I cant think of one. Ask me in a few years.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? uh... I'm feeling pretty good today, but lately have been teetering on the sad face side
b) thinner or fatter? THINNER!!! YAY ME!!!
c) richer or poorer? *cough*

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

20. How did you spend Christmas?
At home with BF and the cats

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Yes, fell in love with BF all over again. AWWWWW

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Uhm, just one? I'd have to say Eli Stone. Which is being canceled. Evil people. OK TWO! Mad Men. Hands down.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I'm sorry to say, yes.

24. What was the best book you read?
I think I read a whole ONE book this idea what the name of it now.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
ROCKBAND! Or was that last year?

26. What did you want and get?
Love and Affection. Yes and Yes.

27. What did you want and not get?
I can't think of anything, so it seems that I am very blessed.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Oh god, I dont even know. Pursuit of Happiness comes to mind, but that was last year no? Oh, who cares...Pursuit of Happiness.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
KegOfSunshine came to visit, as a surprise. And what a surprise it was! 31. Gah, don't remind me...

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Ending the year employed for starters...

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Comfy is IN

32. What kept you sane?

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Mark Ruffalo. LOVE him.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election! I hope all the talk turns into real action.

35. Who did you miss?

36. Who was the best new person you met?
Everyone (ha. im cheating)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Be loyal to yourself. Be dedicated to yourself. Life changes quickly, you can handle it!

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Well shit, first you wanted an entire song, now you want some lyrics too? Hmm...

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.


Boy, dont you worry... youll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.


Happy New Year Kids! Make it a great one! Much Love!

Friday, December 26, 2008

If you get called in to a room with 30 of your co-workers. It's not a good thing.

So, about two weeks ago, I was laid off (Merry Christmas!) by the company I have worked for since I was 19, along with about 30 of my co-workers--with not a penny of severance (Happy New Year!). To say that I am bitter and angry is more than an understatement, however, I will spare you the explicatives.

And while I do play the victim role very well, I have found that I am very angry with myself. I should have left a long time ago. I should have known that loyalty and dedication doesn't mean shit when the money well runs dry. I should have known that loyalty and dedication doesn't mean shit either way, given the things I have seen over the years. I was stupid--I was comfortable, I was WAY too secure in my job, thinking my tenure would save me. I was so very very wrong, and it's broken my heart. The timing alone is just so shitty, both for losing a job and trying to acquire a new one. And I'm, you know, not the most patient girl in the world. So, I'm basically driving myself crazy.

I accept that because I was a telecommuter, and the Owner of the company being none-too-keen on telecommuting, I was an easy mark. However, that doesn't make HOW this was done OK in my book. I have learned a very important lesson, and it's early on in my career, so that's probably a good thing.

Some other things I have learned:
  1. Keep your external resume up to date, you unbelievable idiot
  2. Design your damn portfolio already
  3. The concept of Family has no place in the business world. It's meaningless. End of story.
  5. The economy is pure shit, I am not alone.
  6. BF is an amazing man.
  7. Heartbreak comes in all shapes and sizes
  8. That shit about keeping 3 months salary in your account at all times? I shoulda listened.
  9. Christmas without friends and family is depressing. But BF can make any shit day seem magical.
  10. You can feel so very guilty even when it isnt your fault.
  11. Be dedicated to yourself. Be loyal to yourself.
  12. I am serious about the resume, gooby!
  13. Having your resume done, and a "good enough" portfolio complete 4 days after being laid off is pretty awesome. You are a good soldier.
  14. No job is safe. No matter how long you've been there or how loyal and dedicated you are. In the end, it counts for nothing.
  15. A job is a paycheck, don't make it personal.
We skipped gift-giving this year, for obvious reasons, as well as the crazy travel plan we had in store for ourselves. We're just chillin' at the house with the cats. BF plays XBOX, and I do endless searches for jobs and chat with other ex-employees, some current. Lots and lots of chatting. There's a permanent dent in the couch now where my ass has been planted since we got home from Virginia. I am slowly coming out of my funk, and the hyperventilating has subsided. I havent had a breakdown in like 2 days, so things are looking up. Roll your eyes at me all you want, this shook me to the core.

I am full-on smoking.

Surprised? Yeah, me neither. I walked out of the building that day and promptly bought a pack of cigarettes, and haven't looked back. I plan on quitting the day I receive a job offer, but you know how well I commit to my declarations.

Looking back, I remember watching the news about the millions of people getting laid off without severance, or somehow unfairly. I remember thinking "thank god I have this job. I'm safe from all that!" Which is pretty ironic. Speaking of ironic, the night before I got laid off I tweeted, AND I QUOTE:
Came home frm work, worked out, now dinner, then guess what? More work! Awesome. :( i guess I should b happy I have a job, huh? And yet...

Dontcha Think? A little tooooo ironic...

It was the same when 9/11 happened. I was in drawing class, and the professor came in and announced there was some kind of bomb or something at the twin towers. I thought nothing of it, since this wasnt the first time. That was, until the Dean came into the room and announced that a plane had hit the pentagon and they are shutting down the school, we should leave immediately. I was scared as I drove home. I was heartbroken for all those people who lost their lives for no reason. The images of people jumping from the buildings is burned in my brain. But it wasn't personal. And then three days later I learned the neighbor of BF's parents was in the pentagon and was missing. It was weeks before his remains were found. There is now a memorial between the two houses, forever reminding us all how fragile life is. If I have learned anything from my personal history, maybe the next time I think it's not affecting me, I should realize that it's about to affect me.

I do have my health, and I do have BF who has been incredibly supportive and positive. I am blessed to have him in my life, as well kegOfSunshine who makes any day seem just a little brighter.

I have lost all trust in the company I once loved and felt this sense of obligation towards. When I hear my future employers speak about how we're "family" I am going to have to resist the urge to run like hell.

Monday, December 01, 2008

The opposite of NaBloPoMo

For the past couple of years, I've been all, "I am joining NaBloPoMo! And I shall post everyday for 30 days, yes, yes I will!" and then I don't because. Well there's no reason.

So this year I decided to do the opposite and NOT post for 30 days. Actually 46 days. Hows THAT for sticking it to the man!

Uh, well, not really. I just didnt blog. For reasons unknown. But, let me tell you I wrote some doozies in my head. Hoooooo boy the funny that comes out of this mind sometimes, I tell ya. I remember none of it now, naturally. It was THAT important.

Anyway, so hi! How are you guys doing? I'm doing okie dokie I suppose. I'm losing weight (!) Kinda slowish, kinda not. Kinda cheating a lot so thats why it's slowish. Kinda not working out as much as I should. As a matter of fact, my jiggly ass is supposed to be in front of the TV sweating with Jillian as I sit here and type. This is sorta, vaguely, kinda not the same as working out. Don't split hairs with me, mister!

I'm kinda uninterested in work. I'm what you might call "burned out." Not that I dont have work to do because TRUST ME I've got a full plate over here. And its not that the work isnt challenging, I just... would much rather stare at the wall then do actual work. I fight this urge of course because I am supposedly this responsible adult and have like BILLS to pay. And I hear you can't draw a salary from staring at the wall. I did, however, take the last two weeks off of December. Those two weeks cannot come fast enough. I'm equally horrified and overjoyed that it is December already. Horrified because I gotta begin the tradition of racking my brain for the perfect gift for everyone--that which I usually fail at. Overjoyed, because T-W-O W-E-E-K-S O-F-F. GOD BLESS VACATION TIME.

Not that those two weeks are gonna be filled with lazy, as much as I would like them to. I've got family and work obligations, and the travel alone is mind boggling: I go to Virginia the 7th for a week for work, I leave the 12th. Come back to VA the 22nd, go to Southern Maryland the evening of the 25th, drive back home the 29th. THEN, I go BACK to Virginia, January 4th for a week. For Work. Can you hear me whining? Cuz I'm whining. LOUDLY.

See kids, this is what happens when you move to a state where neither relatives nor job headquarters resides. North Carolina still rules though so don't go getting any crazy ideas KegOfSunshine. I love you dude, but theres no way in hell im moving back. Nope.

Also, and don't faint now, I am sorta smoking again. I say sorta cuz it hasnt been everyday all day, its more like my moments of weakness are occurring more often than my moments of willpower. If you get my meaning. So *sigh* I bought a box of Nicorette yesterday, and a pack of cigarettes.

WHAT? Girl has to have one last hoorah.

Oh shutup.

And its winter now, which pisses me off. Cold and Ice and Snow and blah. Hate it. The upside is that coats, jackets, jeans and sweaters I could not wear last year, now fit. So there's that.

Well thats all very negative and bratty isnt it?

Ok, so on a positive note: IM LOSING WEIGHT PEOPLE! BF is the best man in the world, ever. EVER. Cats are all healthy and meowy. I got a new car! With NAV so I don't get lost anymore! Hardly ever anyway! I love our house! Im still not unpacked but so what! I bought Rockband 2! I haven't it yet though! And um, I think I actually like quilting!

Oh right, I didnt mention that. Yeah so, while in Colorado, I was in a quilt shop with BF's mom, sister and Aunt. I have been uninterested up to this point because the country quilts are ugly to me and I just don't like the designs. I am not a fan of kitties on my sweaters either, if you know what Im saying. But this store had like cool looking quilts. Cute Quilts even.

And so, I decided I would give it a whirl. If for nothing more than to have something to talk to BF's Mom about other than the weather, cats, and BF. BF's Mom got very excited about this, and gave me one of her sewing machines to use. I havent used a sewing machine since 8th grade Home Ec, but it's apparently just like riding a bike. Nevermind that I dont know how to ride a bike. Anyway, I signed up for a class here, and I am 85% done with my first quilt! And even though this beginner pattern is very much the type of thing that turned me off about quilts in the first place, DUDE I MADE SOMETHING! And yeah, the fabrics I picked suck ass too. But whatever. I MADE SOMETHING! I planned on making BF's mom a christmas quilt for christmas, but I am not done with this first quilt yet so it will have to be for her birthday. And then I remembered, oh yeah, her birthday is New Year's Eve. So yeah, her present is gonna be a leeetle late. heh.

K, I better go do something before my entire evening disappears on me.