Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Fuck! It's Cold!

I actually tried other words and phrases for the title...

"It's Friggin Cold!", which... meh.

"HOLY COLD BATMAN" completely overused by the Author if you ask me

"HOLY MOTHER ITS COLD"... not bad not bad

but I mean. "FUCK! It's Cold!" its...its perfection, sorry.

also, "FUCK! It's Cold Bitches!" also works but slightly over the top, no?


I have to say that I was probably one of the few who was not complaining when it was like, I dunno SIXTY FIVE DEGREES IN JANUARY. God, that was indeed blissful I must say. And Christmas? at 50 something degrees? WHATS WRONG WITH THAT? Seems perfectly normal to me.

But now. The whiners have won, and it is FUCK.ING. COLD. OUTSIDE! Man. I even have to wear a goddamn coat.

That right there is the worst part. I hate coats. I hate driving while wearing a coat. However, a coat does keep me warm so... there's that.

Lately, I have been having this weird body temperature control issue where IM COLD ALL THE DAMN TIME. Like teeth chattering cold.

Monday, when I came home from work. I sat down in my coat, gloves and scarf ... AND WAS COLD. I sat like that for a good while. Mind you, I was INSIDE the house...ya know... where the heater is on!

Right now, I have my space heater ON my desk FACING ME. It could possibly melt my right side of my face and probably my shoulder. But I? right now? IM COLD STILL. Yet? My ear might melt off. Seriously, I touched my ear and my earrings burnt my hand.

Oh. Speaking of hands. I am developing a bowling callouse on my left thumb.

How sexy am I now? *prance*

I saw this on another blog (haha! a mommyblog too!) and I am totally buying one right now.

So back to me being cold. (cuz really, it is such an interesting topic) I have been going through this routine with my space heater at work. Where I'm all hovering around it, chattering my teeth until I go... hey! I should try some coffee or somethin'! Then I brave the cold hallways and acquire hot chocolate (because I change my mind. I'm allowed.) and then I sit back down and cup both hands around the steaming cup of chocolatey goodness and blow on it and take sips and burn the crap out of my tongue. But! It's ok! It is for a greater cause than my ability to taste! Once I am done, I start doing a bit of work and then I realize...


Then 10 minutes later.

MOTHERF(#*)$)#@(*$)@ NOW ITS COLD.

.... All. Day. Long.

and no, I am not anemic.

I've discussed this with a few people and they sorta look at me like I have no eyebrows and then go "well, maybe you are getting sick?!?"

which! aha! people! don't you know! I AM NOT GETTING SICK THIS WINTER! NO WAY! NO HOW! NUH UH NOT ME! NO SIR!

NO REALLY! I made a pact with myself even! And! The last time I called in sick was September. SEPTEMBER! I cannot break this streak of mine. I will not allow it.

Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta go get my coffee hot chocolate and get this party started.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Proof that I am on the wrong friggin coast...

So a friend mentioned that Rage Against the Machine was gonna reunite for some concert, and I was all "pffffffft. I'll believe when I see it."

and lo!
Rage Against the Machine will reunite for Cochella
[cue the angels singing]

(I'm also a day late on this but hey. I was snowed in! heh)

But. Guess where that is? Califrickinfornia!

man. *pout*

well there's bound to be some CD's cut from it and BELIEVE YOU ME they will end up in my hot little hands.

I hope anyway.

oh!oh! there will be a DVD!


though, hey! I dont see RATM in the "performers include" list. wtf?!

wow, check that lineup. Hey uhhh... anyone wanna go to Cali?


I'm only half kidding.

P.S. I do so enjoy incomplete sentences.


So, yesterday, ya know when it was all like OMG ICEY!!! EEEK!... You remember?

I stayed my ass at home, tyvm *bow*

However, most everybody else at work? Went to work. So I feel slightly like a dumbass but I am not letting it affect me... much *cough*

Earlier this morning, I saw that my boss called me. So I quickly applied my make-up and straightened myself out as if I gotten to work that way (pshaw!) and scurried over to her office. Turns out she just wanted to have mexican with me. BTW? Have I mentioned ever my love and simultaneous snobbery of mexican food? Like it has to be a certain kind of mexican for me to even consider it. But I could probably eat mexican every single stinkin day of my life. And I pretty much did when I was in San Antonio *happy sigh*


oh right! So anyway, we talked a little and I was all "yeah sorry, Im a wussy when it comes to ice" As if I havent been working here for the last decade and she has no idea who I am.

and she was all "yeah hehe, I pretty much expect it from you, [team member], and [other team member]... and that's ok! It is all about what you are comfortable with!"

dude, did she just backhand me?

maybe it was the "yeah, I pretty much expect that from you" bit that made me all "WTF!" and fidgety.

I know she didn't mean it the way I took it, but well I am a girl and I overthink things.

oh so! back to the ice.

So yesterday, BF and I went outside to shovel stuff. (i.e., he shovels and I tilt my head and go "but! what about over here? *points*). What? Okokok. I helped him clean off my car. god.


Ice scares me and it was everywhere! *sniffle*

Anyway. So I made him put down some sand where I would be walking the next morning cuz I knew the stuff that was now water was gonna refreeze--the thing I hate most about winter and virginia is the flippin ice. So I sorta made this big deal about it. I was all stressy last night about slipping and being a general moron.

This morning, I carefully walk to my car and guess what. I didn't slip! not once! I'd like to say it was because of my insistence with the sand. But I am guessing it really wasn't as bad as it was in my head.

Driving on my street however? Let's just say skating is fun! Was fine once I got off our street though. So glad we are paying for people to clear our snow. They do such a fine job. *cough*

I'd say I'm gonna move back to San Antonio, but! IT SNOWS THERE TOO NOW.

friggin el nino.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Confessions of a blank mind

or. Another excuse to make a list!

There's a few thing I have been keeping from you...

I know, I know. I shouldn't do it and it is very hurtful to you but I just couldn't tell you these things. BELIEVE ME this hurts me more than it hurts you.



Oh. Yeah so, I've got some secrets and I am finally willing to share but shshshshsh cuz this is top secret stuff.

  • I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DAMNIT. There. I said it. and SNICKER IF YOU MUST but he is the bees knees dude. the BEES. KNEES. I mean C'MON. How can you possibly resist. Also? Love that song. Doesn't matter what sort of mood I am in, when it comes on... I... I just have to wiggle it.

  • AMERICAN IDOL SLAYS ME. The first season I was all "I'm just gonna watch the auditions cuz pssssssssh that's the only funny part *hair toss*" Second and third seasons, I forgot completely. Fourth season, I remembered again and vowed to only watch the auditions because, god. the rest of it so so lame *rolls eyes* and then Constantine happened and I was sucked in. What? It wasn't my fault! Who can resist that grin! WHO. And season 5. oh my goodness season 5. There was Ace *dreamy sigh*. And like, Chris Daughtry and his shiney little head *swoon*. I mean, look how he grips that microphone *pant*

hang on, I need a moment. ahem.
  • How'd this get to be all about boys anyway?


  • I watch The O.C. and Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls. And I get really really excited when these shows come on. At the end of each show, I'm all "WHAT!?!?!! THATS IT! )(#*)$(@*#)(*@)#($*@" as if I didn't already know that they do that shit on purpose

  • I LOVE award shows. I really could care LESS who won what. I'm all about who is wearing what and who is with WHOM and dude... did you hear about this? poor lil fella :(

  • The other day bf was checking out his mp3's to figure out which ones to put on his shuffle he got from santa. He would play like a couple seconds of a song and I would sing some lyrics from it. I ROCKED THAT GAME. I fancy myself something of a song knower...type...person? Whats the friggin word for that!?. My co-worker, however, would disagree since he knows WAY MORE THAN I DO. But thats really irrelevant *cough*

  • I like making lists. Shocked arentcha.


  • I also think the lead singer of The Deftones, Chino Moreno is smokin hot. And his band rules too.

  • I used to be such a fan of Lost but they've successfully drained all interest from my brain. CAN THEY JUST GET RESCUED ALREADY!?! God. And Why doesnt the big dude lose any weight!?! Tom Cruise did! WTF?! At least try to be accurate.

  • Oh yeah, I'm back to not hating T.V. anymore


  • Rage Against the Machine is probably my all time favorite band. But they broke up *sniffle*

  • Now I am on a music tangent

  • Also? The Mars Volta? I'm digging them lots n lots. See how I even out the Timberlake/Pussycat dolls thing?

  • My sophmore year in high school, I became a country music fan. It was due to the fact that I started dating a "kicker" and well...I dunno I'm stupid. I can listen to country now, if forced. But I don't choose it.

  • "Kicker" - a dude/chick who wears boots, big belt buckle and wranglers. And generally just looks like they either just left the rodeo or are going to it.***

  • Oh Speaking of rodeos, my first date with this said "kicker"? At the rodeo in San Antonio for a Reba McIntyre concert. Pretty much shoving that shit down my throat from the start. Also, I might've said I liked country music to get his attention *cough*. but thats really just an ugly rumor. *fidget*

I could keep going but I should maybe do some work now.

*** We have a name for them see cuz...CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, not ALL Texans are cowboys and we don't ride around on friggin horses on our dirt roads.

.... we use our john deere tractor. :P

I am feeling the need to add more cuz! I forgot some stuff! and we can't have that!
  • I read "mommyblogs" eventhough I am not a mommy. They are some funny chicks man. FUN.NY.

  • I love dave matthews band with all my heart. Maybe I am a hippy. so what. (I'm not though. no really.)

  • I should do a top ten band list. oohhh! okokok Ill do that.
[/end retardoness ;) ]

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

A Cast of Characters...

So since I am now an old hand at this here bowling league business, I have had plenty of time to sit and observe the wide-array of bowling personalities on our league, and I thought I would share my insights.

Cuz I'm a giver. I give. I GIVE!

The Bowling Pins: (Snappy name, no? The creativity. It boggles the mind, I know.)
  1. The "WHATEVER I DONT CARE" Bowler: I, myself fall into this category. This is the person who acts all "pssssssssh whatever, gutterball, I don't care. IM HERE FOR FUN PEOPLE! FUN! And by the end of the 3rd game they're all "GODDAMNIT (@#U*$(*#@&(!@*&$(@!&$*@!(&!@($*&!@$( THATS IT! IM DONE WITH THIS BOWLING SHIT!!!! #(*@$&#(*$&#@()" ahem. This type of bowler is good on occassion, but generally just sucks out loud at bowling *bow*.

  2. The "launch the ball down the lane" Bowler: This is the guy (normally, it is a dude. However, we do have a few female launchers too) who cups the ball in his forearm, fingers BARELY in the holes, and he sort of runs up the lane and THROWS the ball. Now, it may or may not hit the wood prior to hitting the pins. But, believe you me. He will show those pins who's boss.

  3. The "I TAKE THIS WAY TOO SERIOUSLY" Bowler: This person may or may not own their own ball. They will, however, have one of those braces on their wrist and they don't tend to smile a whole lot. There's no smiling in bowling! are you crazy! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS! This is the person who bowls, doesnt get a strike, turns around to the crowd with a combo pissed off/shocked look on their face. Say a few explicatives, and stomp off the wood. They continue to be pissy all.night.long. When they do get a strike, they're all "FINALLY. GOD." Lovely people to be around.

  4. The "I KNOW WAY MORE THEN A PERSON SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BOWLING" Bowler: These people discuss their "strategy" when it is not their turn to bowl. The watch others bowl intently and they discuss it WITH ANYONE WHO MIGHT HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF MAKING EYE CONTACT ACCIDENTALLY. They discuss the level of oil on the lanes, or lack thereof. They usually own MORE THAN ONE BALL. These balls are for various occassions, including the level of oil previously mentioned. They are lighthearted about bowling in general but are veryveryveryvery hard on themselves when they do not get a strike OR SOMETIMES when they get a strike but its one of those where theres one pin left and it decides to fall at the last minute cuz THATS NOT A REAL STRIKE. They always say "Well, I'll take it!" When they do not make a strike, however, you can see them whispering explicatives to themselves as they walk off the lane and telling themselves how much they suck. They sit down and proceed to mull over what went wrong until the next time. When they can avenge themselves.

  5. The "Pre-celebrator, celebrator" Bowler: This person is so confident in their bowling skills, that as soon as the ball has left their fingertips they immediately start cheering and patting themselves on the back. This works nicely when they get a strike, but there are times, when a strike just was not in the cards. When this happens, they turned around to the group shocked! WHAT THE! DID YOU SEE THAT CRAP!?!!?! This does not, however, stop him from doing this each and every time he bowls.

  6. The "kicker" Bowler: This dude is usually a pretty good bowler. Probably a combination of several of the above, but as an added bonus after hey throws the ball he stands and stares and waits. When the ball hits the pins, this dude does some sort of kick or arm pump simultaneously with the strike. Now this becomes funny because he does it every single time--regardless of whether it is a strike or not. When it is not a strike, he turns around, defeated. This is makes me chuckle a little. I DONT KNOW WHY. Or maybe I'm just evil and jealous of good bowlers.

  7. The "tantrum throwing" bowler:This is the guy or girl who, after the pins have fallen unsatisfactorily either stomps or yells, etc. They also tend to blame the bowling gods, and say things like "WHAT ELSE CAN I DO!?!" They are usually mediocre bowlers.

  8. The "Damn I'm good" Bowler: This bowler is in fact, an excellent bowler. And they know it. They bowl, do the "yes" motion with their arm (elbow bent, hand in fist, fist to side of body--you know what im saying), and then they non-chalantly spin around with a grin on their face and modestly walk back to their seat. Perhaps slapping a few high-fives on his way back. He doesn't need to be dramatic see. cuz he IS INDEED THE AWESOMEST. EVAH.

  9. The "I bowl with my eyes wide-shut" Bowler: I don't know if this can be considered a category because I have only seen one person do this but I am running out of categories and I am almost to 10 pins (#@#()*)!(* ahem. Anyway. This person grabs her ball, walks up to her chosen position. Brings the ball up to her nose. and then closes her eyes and, I'm guessing, "visualizes" the pins and her strike. She proceeds to walk and throw the ball WITH HER EYES STILL CLOSED. This works for her about 3/4 of the time. She also wears a wrist guard. heh.

  10. The "IM THROWING THE BALL SO HARD THAT I LOOK LIKE IM GONNA BITE IT" Bowler: This guy is usually a good bowler. His "approach" leaves something to be desired (I should talk) and slides before he releases the ball. Once he releases the ball his body goes all awry and he catches himself before he falls. flat. on. his ass. I have yet to see one of these bowlers actually fall, but I always wince when I see them bowl. Also? Falling on the lane? One of my secret fears :( So when I slide, my heart drops to my stomach. every.single.time. You'd think I would get used to it by now. But no, I am a weirdo. No shock there, I suppose.

And there you have it! Don't you feel more educated now?

Monday, January 15, 2007

oh look! a story about the grocery store!


shush ;)

So I went to the grocery store on Saturday afternoon, I had a list and duh, I bought shit.

Here's the funny part.

So I am in line, piling all my stuff onto the conveyor belt making sure everything is in its proper category:

Refrigerated Items
Boxed Stuff

It's a brilliant system, you should try it.

Anyway! So this couple comes up behind me and the conversation goes something like:

Girl: This is the only open regular lane...we could go over there to the self-checkout?

Dude: Nah, we have a lot of stuff and knowing us something will go screwy and we will have to wait and *sigh* no lets stay here.

[This is where I feel eyes staring at the back of my head] I look up and smile cuz "WHAT THE FUCCCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT PEOPLE."

The dude looks at his cart which is just as full as mine and starts to get twitchy. He cranes his neck to see the progress in the self-checkout lanes.

I continue putting my stuff on the belt (YAH. I BOUGHT LOTS).

He comes scurrying back.

Dude: Let's go over there, its open.

Girl: hooonnnneeey noooooooooooooooooooooo. Look! the light is blinking! We will have to wait forever. Plus! we have produce! How do we ring that up?

Dude: You just put it on the scale and choose crap on the monitor (he's in IT I bet).
[and then he begins to tell this story about how he went to "Wally World" to get "TORE TILLAS" and he bought 1 of something but it said he bought 2 and he couldnt figure out how to take it back so he flipped the switched for assistance and he waited forever so he went over to another line and checked out and left]

Girl: *blink* What's that got to do with anything?


Dude: Oh. Uh... nothin' Hey cmon let's go over there.

Girl: honnneeeey noooooooooooo cmon lets just stay here.

Dude: Cmon!

I look up and give her one of those "I feel your pain sister" smiles and she gives me one of those "ugggggghhhh men" smiles and sighs and off she went.

So I checkout and put the crap in the car. I'm driving down the parking lot and who do I see coming out of the grocery store?

The dude and the girl.

She kicked him and pointed at me and I just smiled.

I feel your pain sister, I feel ya.

Friday, January 12, 2007


Each and every single day I keep my eyes peeled for something funny to happen...something BLOGWORTHY. So far I've got nothin'. I feel like I should be posting though cuz MY PUBLIC IS WAITING WITH BATED BREATH for a new post!

no really ;)

Which is completely amusing to me cuz I know like *counts on fingers* eight ... er nine! NINE WHOLE PEOPLE WHO READ MY BLOG.

I also know every single person in real life! ohhhhhhhhhhh wait! TWELVE! holy shit dude im a supahstah! DOUBLE DIGITS!

ahem. anyway what was my point.

oh wait I didnt have one. See, this here is like a Seinfeld episode because it is a post about nothing and is funny! OK so only half like a Seinfeld episode (meanie).

I will say that I am digging El Nino, even though its ruining the planet and blah blah blah...its friggin WARM and I LIKES IT. I found myself grumbling under my breath the other day when I had to *gasp* scrape my window one morning.

Hello Trish, its Winter!

I think my problem is that I didn't grow up with snow (south texas...not so much with the white stuff being ya know, in the southern tip of the country and all) and therefore snow scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

I dunno what to do! How do I drive in it! What about walking! and WHAT--god forbid I should ever get stuck somewheres--do I do to get myself like... unstuck! Do I roll the car back and forth or like press down on the gas and bury myself deeper. what! WHAT! WHHHHAAAT! Tell me what to do! I dunno!

Also. Also! ALSO! What about when you get into a spin--im told you are supposed to turn the wheel the opposite way and let off the gas but dont brake. WTF IS THAT ABOUT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THAT? I dunno what my knee-jerk reaction would be to that situation anyway cuz it hasnt happened yet (knock on wood), but I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be THAT.

I am an excellent driver.

Anyway, so my theory is this: had I grown up in snow, this wouldn't be so foreign to me. But I have TRACTION CONTROL so I got nothin' to worry about right? RIGHT?! Right.

Though maybe that theory is a bunch of crap cuz surely SOMEONE in NOVA was brought up in some snowy part of the country. Yet theres a plethora (I did NOT have to look that one up, tyvm!) of accidents on snowy days and serious traffic cuz people are stupid. and also, probably just as scared shitless as I. This is why I try to stay home, or let someone else drive on these days.

You are welcome.

oh...P.S. OH NO! :( Have I mentioned I love Mr. Timberlake? And have since his boyband days. and IM PROUD OF IT! Wait shshshshs use your inside voice! People can hear you! heh.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Dear everyone,

The girl you see in the car? Waving her hands around and yelling at no one with her windows up? Thats not me. No no no, I mean it is me it's just not who I imagine my non-smoker self being.

Yet on the way to drop my poor little kegOfSunshine at home friday mid-morning you could hear me saying:


I need some goddamn yoga or something.


The funny thing is? As sooon as I did that, kegOfSunshine looks over at me in her pain and extreme nausea and busts out with "HAHAHAHAHAAHA"

which made me realize how ridiculous I am being.

After dropping her off, I put the Squizz on and did my best to not pay attention to ALL THE GODDAMN IDIOTS ON THE ROAD.



hey, at least im not smoking though. Count your friggin lucky stars damnit.



P.S. You are right, I should probably opt for a calmer, less angry XM Radio channel. But. I don't wanna. so suck it.

P.P.S. Yes, Ok, signing up for Yoga today.