Wednesday, January 17, 2007

A Cast of Characters...

So since I am now an old hand at this here bowling league business, I have had plenty of time to sit and observe the wide-array of bowling personalities on our league, and I thought I would share my insights.

Cuz I'm a giver. I give. I GIVE!

The Bowling Pins: (Snappy name, no? The creativity. It boggles the mind, I know.)
  1. The "WHATEVER I DONT CARE" Bowler: I, myself fall into this category. This is the person who acts all "pssssssssh whatever, gutterball, I don't care. IM HERE FOR FUN PEOPLE! FUN! And by the end of the 3rd game they're all "GODDAMNIT (@#U*$(*#@&(!@*&$(@!&$*@!(&!@($*&!@$( THATS IT! IM DONE WITH THIS BOWLING SHIT!!!! #(*@$&#(*$&#@()" ahem. This type of bowler is good on occassion, but generally just sucks out loud at bowling *bow*.

  2. The "launch the ball down the lane" Bowler: This is the guy (normally, it is a dude. However, we do have a few female launchers too) who cups the ball in his forearm, fingers BARELY in the holes, and he sort of runs up the lane and THROWS the ball. Now, it may or may not hit the wood prior to hitting the pins. But, believe you me. He will show those pins who's boss.

  3. The "I TAKE THIS WAY TOO SERIOUSLY" Bowler: This person may or may not own their own ball. They will, however, have one of those braces on their wrist and they don't tend to smile a whole lot. There's no smiling in bowling! are you crazy! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS! This is the person who bowls, doesnt get a strike, turns around to the crowd with a combo pissed off/shocked look on their face. Say a few explicatives, and stomp off the wood. They continue to be pissy all.night.long. When they do get a strike, they're all "FINALLY. GOD." Lovely people to be around.

  4. The "I KNOW WAY MORE THEN A PERSON SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BOWLING" Bowler: These people discuss their "strategy" when it is not their turn to bowl. The watch others bowl intently and they discuss it WITH ANYONE WHO MIGHT HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF MAKING EYE CONTACT ACCIDENTALLY. They discuss the level of oil on the lanes, or lack thereof. They usually own MORE THAN ONE BALL. These balls are for various occassions, including the level of oil previously mentioned. They are lighthearted about bowling in general but are veryveryveryvery hard on themselves when they do not get a strike OR SOMETIMES when they get a strike but its one of those where theres one pin left and it decides to fall at the last minute cuz THATS NOT A REAL STRIKE. They always say "Well, I'll take it!" When they do not make a strike, however, you can see them whispering explicatives to themselves as they walk off the lane and telling themselves how much they suck. They sit down and proceed to mull over what went wrong until the next time. When they can avenge themselves.

  5. The "Pre-celebrator, celebrator" Bowler: This person is so confident in their bowling skills, that as soon as the ball has left their fingertips they immediately start cheering and patting themselves on the back. This works nicely when they get a strike, but there are times, when a strike just was not in the cards. When this happens, they turned around to the group shocked! WHAT THE! DID YOU SEE THAT CRAP!?!!?! This does not, however, stop him from doing this each and every time he bowls.

  6. The "kicker" Bowler: This dude is usually a pretty good bowler. Probably a combination of several of the above, but as an added bonus after hey throws the ball he stands and stares and waits. When the ball hits the pins, this dude does some sort of kick or arm pump simultaneously with the strike. Now this becomes funny because he does it every single time--regardless of whether it is a strike or not. When it is not a strike, he turns around, defeated. This is makes me chuckle a little. I DONT KNOW WHY. Or maybe I'm just evil and jealous of good bowlers.

  7. The "tantrum throwing" bowler:This is the guy or girl who, after the pins have fallen unsatisfactorily either stomps or yells, etc. They also tend to blame the bowling gods, and say things like "WHAT ELSE CAN I DO!?!" They are usually mediocre bowlers.

  8. The "Damn I'm good" Bowler: This bowler is in fact, an excellent bowler. And they know it. They bowl, do the "yes" motion with their arm (elbow bent, hand in fist, fist to side of body--you know what im saying), and then they non-chalantly spin around with a grin on their face and modestly walk back to their seat. Perhaps slapping a few high-fives on his way back. He doesn't need to be dramatic see. cuz he IS INDEED THE AWESOMEST. EVAH.

  9. The "I bowl with my eyes wide-shut" Bowler: I don't know if this can be considered a category because I have only seen one person do this but I am running out of categories and I am almost to 10 pins (#@#()*)!(* ahem. Anyway. This person grabs her ball, walks up to her chosen position. Brings the ball up to her nose. and then closes her eyes and, I'm guessing, "visualizes" the pins and her strike. She proceeds to walk and throw the ball WITH HER EYES STILL CLOSED. This works for her about 3/4 of the time. She also wears a wrist guard. heh.

  10. The "IM THROWING THE BALL SO HARD THAT I LOOK LIKE IM GONNA BITE IT" Bowler: This guy is usually a good bowler. His "approach" leaves something to be desired (I should talk) and slides before he releases the ball. Once he releases the ball his body goes all awry and he catches himself before he falls. flat. on. his ass. I have yet to see one of these bowlers actually fall, but I always wince when I see them bowl. Also? Falling on the lane? One of my secret fears :( So when I slide, my heart drops to my stomach. every.single.time. You'd think I would get used to it by now. But no, I am a weirdo. No shock there, I suppose.

And there you have it! Don't you feel more educated now?


  1. Wow, if I wasn't so freakin lazy I would come watch. I saw many of these people when I took the girls bowling with school on Monday. Very serious and very angry the regulars were to have a bunch of school kids running around for two hours. HAAAA!!!!

  2. You make me want to go bowling!

    Bought your chocolate today. Watch how quickly this turns into an addict/dealer situation.

    It's goooood here....

  3. jen,

    ohhh I am too excited!!! And hey, I'm cool with being the addict or the dealer--however it works out.

    With regards to my end of the bargain, I do have some holes in my collection though :(

    I have Dec. 11, Jan.1, Jan.8, and Jan. 15 and probably the most recent one--guess I should check my mail, huh? And I have a few People mags that I will send along also for filler. It is not a complete collection though. Sorry about that, I apparently did some housecleaning.

    I know, I was shocked at the idea myself.

    It shall be on its way soon ;)