Before I go all happy clown on a list, I just want to point out that this is the very first year in just under 15 years that I have not had to list quitting smoking as a resolution!
And you know why? Because I kicked that motherf'ers ASS man! *flex* and woot! and *trumpet* and *cartwheel* and *kazoo* and *parade* and *confetti* an.....
So this year, I resolve to:
Read more. And when I say read more, I mean read at all. Beyond the internet/magazine article, I havent read much since I graduated college.
Lose weight. Oh god, I know right? But this whole quitting smoking thing sort of sent me into this whole Im not going to worry about anything else but not smoking and thus shoved mostly everything i could find into my food hole. This appears to have worked because ha! I NO SMOKEY! but damn if my belly isnt hanging over my jeans. it's not a cute look, i assure you. I am at my heaviest ever, and I am sorry to say that is HEAVIER than the LAST TIME I SAID I WAS AT MY HEAVIEST OMFG. So yeah. Lose weight. stat.
Start taking more pride in myself. I've been lazy lately and not really bothering to do my hair or my nails or bothering to look nice. That's the downfall (and trust me, this is the ONLY one) to being able to wear whatever you want to work. If you wanna frump out, you can! I've been riding the frump train for far too long.
And...... that's it. Because If I know me, and I believe I do, in order for me to accomplish any kind of resolutions they need to be small and attainable. Sister gets overwhelmed pretty fast I've noticed.
is that you gain weight--or, I did at least. I am hovering around a number that makes me want to collapse on the floor and die, but hey, at least I'm not smoking right?
sigh. (also, 146 days! Suck it nicotine!)
I cant seem to get in to the swing of any kind of healthy regime either. Which is JUST SUPER. I workout for like a week, maybe a day and then im all "soreeeeeee wahhhhhhhhh" and "tiredddddddddd wah" and well. You get the idea.
I know in my head that if I want to make a change and lose the weight I gained I need to get off my flabby ass and make myself do it and keep pushing myself until I want to do it. And really, what's so hard about that? Well... everything apparently. Basically I'm this fat sack of fail. Cool, huh?
And apparently I am also very whiney and feel awfully sorry for myself too.
Anyway... other than that! Things are really really awesome. Like, really.
Having BF home has been just really fantastic. It's like we live together and stuff! And I'M ENGAGED *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* STILL! Turns out, it wasnt a dream! So, thats also awesome.
I find lately that we do a lot of laughing. Even though we are in a bit of a stressful time ... twitch... we seem to be making it through and I am so very proud of us for that.
I do have some plans for doin' some things that will aid me in my weightloss endeavors, since I can't seem to get it together on my own. Remember when I was doing Medi-weightloss and I lost a bunch of weight? I'm gonna do that again, except with a different organization. I start April 7th. Wish me luck :)
Being a professional smoking quitter for what? 10 years probably? I believe I've got a good handle on what does and doesnt seem to work. Now that I am days away from 100 FOR REAL days of not smoking (No Shit!), I think I can almost* safely say that this time is a-workin.'
Things that do not work:
"It's just not a good time right now" - Newsflash sparky: The perfect time does not exist. At least my definition anyway: a time in which there is not a single stressor, no mess ups and no ... well anything. Because, apparently I used ANYTHING as an excuse. Just got laid off? Let's smoke. Trying to get a job? Keep smoking. Got a job but am stressed about keeping it cuz its a contract to hire job and OMFG WHAT IF I DONT GET HIRED AYEEEE! Smoke. Project Over. Whew! Lets smoke! Hired as full-time employee! Where's mah lighter! Concert next week! Will wanna smoke then! Lets smoke until next week! Woops! Cigarettets still in pack! Smoke 'em if you got 'em! I... well you get the idea.
"I am going to cut down first, THEN I'll quit!" - Who are you kidding dude, you make up for it when you're by yourself. Chimney! I R IT!
"I wanna quit, but I dont wanna quit." - Gee, I cant imagine why THAT shit doesnt work.
"I'll quit because I know everyone around me hates it." - Yeah, see above genius.
"Happy New Year! IMA QUIT!" - Rigggghhhhtt after this cigarette... no wait this one...okokok After this pack! Shit Wait! This pack! Uh huh...
Things that do work:
Im quitting because I want to. Even though this is probably the worst time ever to quit. Like ever, I am going to do it. Because I want to.
There's no second bullet here because as far as I can tell, this is the only thing that works. Life lesson number 230420492028092: Learned.
* I dont wanna officially say it yet til I hit 3 digits, because, given my track record. I uh.. tend to fail.
This year has been fast and furious. Seems like as you age, time starts to move at warp speed. There are moments in time this year that I want to remember, forever. Those times where you can hear yourself breathe and no one is around except you and the person who makes your entire world, your entire world. Don't get me wrong, this year hasn't really been all that action packed, but man o man. I have loved this year. Every last second of it.
I've learned that what's steadfastly important to you is minor and trivial to the next guy. That what you believe, if proven false can shake you to your core, and that I can, in fact, hold a grudge.
Long-run-on sentences are still my specialty, and I will always make up my own words. Consistency is comforting, what can I say.
I am 73 days in to what appears to be my new, for real for real, smoke-free life. I got a new job after almost 12 years of working for the same place. Being the new kid in school is the same as it ever was, awkward and self-doubting and ... awesome.
And eventhough I am still bitter about the why's and wherefore's of why a new job. It's been good. Really, really good.
I am engaged, and I cannot stop smiling, its been just over a month now and I am still wearing the dopey smile and floating on air.
Our families and felines are well. BF is currently unemployed but I've got high hopes for 2010. Not sure how it could top 2009, but if life has shown me anything, the element of surprise is never ending.
So blah blah I havent written in a while. Let's just fast-forward to now.
Some issues I am have lately (awww yeahhhhhhhhh list time!)
Cannot have lunch with co-workers without trying to reach for my straw with my open maw unsuccessfully. If I'm feeling especially... uhh whatever. I stick my straw up my nose. Who says I'm not professional.
Cannot workout on a regular. I know, old news...moving on..
Cannot WAIT FOR VACATION AT THE END OF AUGUST HOLY EFFIN CHRIST MAN. Whew. I need it. Hurry please!
Cannot not yell it a blog post.
Wait.. cannot not? What the hell?
Still cannot mention work, lest I be dooced. And who needs that?
Though, I guarantee you my work stories are a hoot.
Cannot stand BF's job still. Hate. With the teeth of a thousand uhm... sharks!
yes, Sharks. Thats it.
Cannot deal with the creepy crawlers outside the house. Heebie Jeebies 24/7. No lie
Cannot go to bed before midnight ever. It's a very big problem at 6am when the alarm clock goes off. I realized today that I need to just get my lazy ass up regardless. This was riiiiight about the same time I sorta kinda not really but kinda got in trouble for being late. Woops.
I just talked about work didnt i.
Cannot keep to my own rules. JESUS TRISH.
Cannot ever remember to bring my glasses home from work so I can like, you know, SEE at home.
Cannot ever remember much really.
Cannot believe I bought fabric to make curtains for the ENTIRE FIRST FLOOR. OH MY HELL. Way to baby step into it weirdo.
Cannot keep my sorry ass off of facebook. Geeez. Like I needed more time suck activities.
Cannot believe the crazy car accident my parent got into. Mom fractured her hand and the car is totaled. Dad is ok. No worries though, cuz they got another car. But geez dude. Totally shattered the whole "my parents are invincible" thing I had in my head. Should take about another month to get that repaired though ;)
Cannot believe I got hit. While I was stopped. IN A DRIVE-THRU. More on this and others later.
Cannot believe how much BF and I have rallied together over the last 8 months. It makes me feel very secure in living the rest of my life with him. awwwwwwwww
Cannot wait til he gets on his damn knee already. What!
The day before we moved out of the townhouse in Virginia, I was getting packed. I, of course, wasn't doing it myself because we could afford it and well... LAZY.
At 8 am a crew of 4 Latin dudes walked into the house overjoyed *ahem* about the task ahead of them. After walking them through the house, telling them about my little system "Pink Post-it means dont pack. Everything else goes in a box. Ok? Si?" The leader of the pack asked me a question: "Do you speak spanish?" Which is really code for "can we talk about you behind your back without you knowing?" I answered, "Nope." I mean I picked up on some words listening to my mom and grandma having conversations when I was a kid, but I cannot carry on a conversation by any means. For whatever reason, I never really cared to learn the language. I mean I took FRENCH in high school. IN SAN ANTONIO. Idiot.
Anyway, so throughout the day, I'd hear the word "Puta" and see something of MINE in their hands. Puta, of course, meaning "whore" or "prostitute." Nice, huh? I let it go though, I mean, whatever. Disrespect runs rampant these days anyway. And I DID tell them that I didnt speak english. But really who doesnt know the bad words? Come on.
Later, I was sitting in my freshly packed kitchen on my laptop working. The leader of the pack was in the hallway packing up the half-bath. One of the other dudes comes downstairs says something to the leader of the pack. I heard the word "Puta" again. I could tell from what very little spanish I know and his body language that he was saying "The stupid bitch didnt leave any cups for water."
I pipe up "OH! You're right! I totally forgot to set aside the plastic cups!"
The leader of the pack's face drained of all color. He nervously smiled and chuckled and said "Oh uh... thats ok..." He looked at the other dude in horror.
I ran out to McDonald's and bought some sodas and some empty cups, came back and handed them out with a big smile on my face, no one really looking at me in the eyes.
They took the entire day to pack us up. They loaded up our truck the next day. They packed up and moved my parents into the townhouse the following week. From that moment in the kitchen on, I never heard the word "Puta" again.