Monday, June 25, 2007

Ashamed of My Gender

I started watching that show on Lifetime, "Army Wives". It is a good show but it's making me realize what bitches we are. I mean, obviously, I knew this before but I think in this show it just pisses me off and now I feel the need to like. Fill a post with nonsenseTalk about it.

I dunno why this show in particular, and why not Desperate Housewives or like REAL LIFE or something. Who knows what my brain is doing.


Seriously. Ladies. What the fuck? Why do we do it? Why do we have to be so goddamn awful to each other and judge and whisper and JUDGE. How did we learn to be so nasty? WHO THE HELL TAUGHT US THAT AWFUL UP DOWN "you are so worthless" look that we do. Who?

Hey. I'm no saint. I do it too. And I wanna stop. RIGHT NOW PLZ.

I mean, we have to deal with the same bullshit. Men. Work. ... MEN. Why add to it with our own BS? Meanwhile dudes have a united front with their "bros b4 hoes" or whatever the hell.

Seriously, you ever hear a dude talking about another dude the way we do about each other? Unless he is gay, the answer is no.

Let's do this. Next time you find yourself thinking evil thoughts of another female, STOP and SMILE. Instead of thinking negative things about that person, find something positive about her instead. Be nice for once. Deal? Deal.

Fucking Bitches.

oops.. I mean.. I LOVE your shoes! Where did you get them!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

God knows why I do it...

I mean she/he should right? SOMEBODY should know! For the love of .... god? *blink*

I stayed up late-ish for the third day in a row, and I have no sufficient justification for it.

"Late" for this old bag is 11 because my alarm goes off at 0545 (and call me [whatever would make sense right there], but that's goddamn early), and lately we have been dragging our sorry behinds up the stairs very near this witching hour. Last night I noticed that it gets just a bit later with each passing day of the week. Then we sleep in on Saturday, up late Saturday night, sleep in Sunday, up late Sunday (due to sleeping in. like idiots). Up ass early Monday, bed relatively on time Monday night, ass early tuesday, bit laterish tuesday night--You get the idea. Vicious cycle and stuff. OK well just me on the ass early bit. Unless he has meetings or something, that fool isn't getting up until he is good and ready.

This fact makes my teeth itch with jealousy.

A conversation we repeat often:

Him: "wahhhhhhhh I have to get up early tomorrow! wahhhhh"

Me: "and what time is that?"

Him: "like 8 *pout*"

Me: "you realize I will have already been at work for a half hour by that time."

Him: "yes *pout* still. its earllllllllllyyyyy"

Me: "welcome to my world, jackass."

Now, I realize that me comparing my schedule to his is unfair and who gives a shit when I get up and when I am at work. I do it everyday. GET OVER YOURSELF PRINCESS. And I know that when he has to get up at 8? That's akin to say, me having to get up at like. I dunno. 2am? What just irritates the shit out of me is that we go to bed at the same time, every night. I get up to go to work, on average, 3-4 hours before he does. Alright, maybe it's closer to 2-3. Whatever.

So, when I complain about being tired and I see him rolling his eyes, or not quite having the exact level of sympathy for the princess that she requires at that exact moment. She I (wait, which pronoun am I in again?) get pissed! and point out how he gets more sleep than I and how come I'm not allowed to be tired!

He never said that, you understand, but I can twist and contort anything to make it sound in my favor. Also, he never actually rolls his eyes. I perceive him to be doing so, like you know, on the inside.

I realize I am a bitch. It's best if you just accept it too.

Friday, June 15, 2007

the non-smoking life... day 11

"WAIT. DAY 11 ONLY!!?!?!" you say?

Well see it's like this, 5 June was the last day I had a cigarette anywhere near my lips and even though it was surprisingly awful and gave it back after three drags, it counts according to BF. I'd rather be counting from the last day I had an entire cigarette and made the conscious decision to throw away the pack. But, whatever. Semantics. And since quitting smoking is apparently a hobby of mine for 5 years? quite some time now, I suppose it is more correct this way anyway. *cough*

Chantix is an interesting drug I must say. While effective, you really have to like follow their dosing rules *blink*. When I got my prescription from CVS and brought it home, I was very excited to get this mother started! again! for the 293801294801948084108th time! So, I tore into the bag, tossing the rules and regulations of the drug and plowed into the box, opening the first pack and popping my first pill. I did remember something about having to eat before taking it and how a major side-effect is nausea (on every single page of the brochure, nausea is mentioned, so they must be serious) so I made sure I ate something first.

I dunno like... 15-20 minutes later, I felt totally drugged. Like the room was spinning a little, my mouth was dry, I felt my food in my esophagus and the vague sense that I was about to pass out loomed. I chugged water and pee'd a lot that day. I had to cancel going to see Godsmack in concert that night because, call me crazy, but I was thinking maybe passing out at a concert was a bad idea. I could get trampled! I felt so bad for canceling and I'm still totally bummed I missed the concert. Sorry K & J :(

Stupid Chantix.

I really need to come up with some nicknames for you two....hmmm....

Oh hi! Sorry! Anyway, so days passed and my dealings with Chantix improved, sorta. The waves of nausea, passing out feeling, room spinning came and went and by the time I got back from vacation, I thought I had overcome the "getting used to the drug" part.

Not so much. And I've figured out why! Sorta!

Like I said, I never really read the rules and regulations and just basically went off what was printed on the box ("Take After Eating! Drink Water!"), and also the stuff that kegOfSunshine told me. She told me that if I miss a dose, just take it when you remember.

So I thought, "cool, just like birth control pills! This is easy!" I figured if I missed a dose, i'd take it when I remembered and then take my next scheduled dose... like catching up.

I've missed several doses because I am an idiot and can't remember jack. And so I've played my little catch up game, and took 3 doses in one day, after the second dose I always felt like shit for the rest of the day and the 3rd made it worse. So I asked kegOfSunshine if she felt the same things, and like wtf! this drug sucks! And explained to her what I was doing.

she said "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! too close! too close!"

and I was all "huh!?"

so I looked it up, and by George, she was right! I bet she read the rules and regulations. Maybe I should try that next time...

"If you miss a dose, use the medication as soon as you remember. If it is almost time for the next dose, skip the missed dose and wait until your next regularly scheduled dose. Do not use extra medicine to make up the missed dose."

ohhhhhhhhh. well no friggin wonder! Also, I read some shit about like how you shouldn't take this if you have kidney issues. So now, when I get all dry of the mouth and nauseous I think "OH CRAP MY KIDNEY'S ARE FAILING!!!"

hah. such a retard.

a non-smoking retard *curtsey* ;)

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

If only every single day could start out like this...

So I woke up this morning at 0645. Now mind you, 0645 is when I am supposed to be leaving the house. I look at the clock and yawn and stretch, about this time the hamsters awake my brain clicks on ...

"OH SHIT!!!!!"

and I leap out of bed. You'd think as a frequent run-later (whatever, you know what I mean), I would be used to this sort of thing. Not so much. Running around rushing after I just opened my eyes seconds ago is not my ideal way of rising in the morning.

hello, princess.

Anyway, so I somehow sprint out of the house at 0654, and don't even ask me how--I showered, I swear! And off to kegOfSunshine's to commence the carpool.

Now normally, this whole waking up late bs would ruin my entire day. But this is a kegOfSunshine day, and she can make your worst day seem like your best.

I pull up to her house, and she bounces out of the house with her trademark beam of sunshine smile. Which makes me smile. It's entirely impossible not to smile when you see her smile. She gets in the car and off we go. She immediately starts filling me on whatever has gone down since I dropped her off after work the day before--which is always so much! How does that woman fit all this shit into one day? It makes me tired just thinking about it.

A car ride with her contains no less than 22 billion bouts of laughter. Laughter. at 0700 in the morning. who knew?

Anyway, so we get to work and this whole time she has been stressing a little over what she was wearing, and she said in the elevator as I was getting out "Hey! How about you wear my top and I will wear yours!" and I turn around and take a look at what she is wearing and look down at my pants.

We then simultaneously lift our knee to get our pants closer to each others top to assess the matching possibilities... and die laughing.

What? It was funny!

Shit. That was way funnier when it happened. Must be one of those "had to be there" things.

Anyway, love you kegOfSunshine ;)

Friday, June 08, 2007

Don'tchew forgetaboutme

You know that scene in The Breakfast Club where Ally Sheedy draws a picture in black marker on the table and then shakes her hair to get the dandruff out, thus providing "snow" for the drawn scene? Yes you do! Fast forward to like 0:46, you'll see her shaking her head.

Well guess what! I can do that too! Except its from my forehead. No really! I can bow my head slightly and rub my forehead and VOILA! Dead Skin! Snow!

Peeling is cute.

I just thought you should know.

Say, wasn't the lead singer of Simple Minds a red head? Or am i just...OH NO WAIT! that was Simply Red. Nevermind, carry on.


On a completely different topic, got this link from All & Sundry, and I swear it gets funnier the more times you watch it.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Jekyll rears her bitchy head

or was it Hyde? Which one was the monster? I forget.

ANYWAY. so yeah. the angry smoke-free driver is back *curtsey* I know! I missed you too!

I realized she/he/it/me/whatever was back this morning. On my way to work. TWO FRIGGIN HOURS LATER THAN I ORIGINALLY PLANNED. But! It's not my fault! We were watching House on the DVR and I was so immersed in the whole Will House ask Foreman to stay?! OMG WILL HE!?! Inquiring minds wanna know! I wanna know! That we watched not one, not two but THREE episodes. The second one ended and i gasped and said "is there another!?!" in this sorta high-pitched whispery weird nerdball voice. And praise be the tv gods, there was. So we watched it! Like Dummy's!

Towards the end of the last show, BF said "this show isn't ending is it? Like canceled?!" and I found my toes tingling and my chest grew tight at the thought because SURELY THEY WONT CANCEL THIS ONE TOO. Goddammit. STOP. CANCELING. MY. FAVORITE. SHOWS. Gilmore Girls, I miss you already *sniff*

But they keep stupid shows like "So you think you can dance?" "So you think you can ice skate" "So you think you can be a rockstar?" "So you think you can put your leg behind your head?" or whatever the hell. The cool thing is that they keep coming up with new ones! What's this bullshit about the inventions? Who the hell cares! GIMME GILMORE GIRLS BACK OR THE O.C. EVEN you wretched heathens.

I feel like I've gone off track here...

ah yes, so driving this morning! All irritated at myself that I'm late only not really--just a half hour late for my regular time but I decided that since there was no carpool I was gonna go in at 0600! Why! I DUNNO!

Anyway so I'm on the parkway, trying not to watch the clock that seems to be on friggin fast forward. And I change lanes. The dude in front of me apparently thought of the same thing a half second after I, and I see his signal on, he is in the intersection starting to head over to my new lane. and I think: "This dude is gonna cut me off!"

So I get all prepared to be angry about it. But he sees that I'm in the lane and that continuing to move over would cut me off, so he goes back in the left lane. Which, in all honesty, was the nicest thing another driver can do, NOT cut you off.

So what do i do?

I get pissed off anyway!


I said "go. go! GOOOOOOOOO! FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MF'errrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" and I'm waving him over and being a general moron.

He gets over, and waves a thank you in the rear view mirror-- yes the five-fingered kind. not the one fingered kind.

Upon seeing him STILL BEING NICE EVENTHOUGH I WAS JUST A COMPLETE RETARD, the events start to replay in my head and I flash to that time I was taking KegOfSunshine home and had the exact same reaction.

I smiled. cuz it's still funny. in that "dear god was that really me?" kind of way.

Then went: "oh shit. she's back."

So don't piss me off bitches. I'll cut you.

Or you know, call you names behind the safety of my car windows.

P.S. ooooOOOOooooOOOO Intrigue!
But uhh.. keep your speakers off cuz while the opening riff to Bulls on Parade makes me very very happy... not so much on a continuous loop. It's actually straight up annoying (shh! who said that?)

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

I'm still alive!

So hey! How ya been!? Have you lost weight? You look *fab*

I just said fab. heh.

An update, for those that care (just pretend you do, it hurts less kthx):
  1. I haven't touched guitar hero (or GH2 if you're nasty--and a big fat nerd *bow*) in over 2 weeks. Medium difficulty pisses me off and I am apparently a big baby on top of being a big fat nerd and will throw a little large tantrum and refuse to touch the game again until it cooperates (read: let's me friggin pass a friggin song). 4 Keys is hard :(

  2. I went to the doctor 2 weeks ago and got a prescription for Chantix. It's a smoking cessation drug--the only one that has no nicotine in it. Aside from the waves of nausea and the sensation that I could possibly pass out, it's going quite well. I bummed a cigarette from KegOfSunshine this morning--not cuz I really wanted one but cuz I knew she had some (it doesn't make sense, I am well aware of that). I smoked like a 1/3 of it and gave it back to her. It was grody. That's some kind of progress if you ask me man. Also, let's not split hairs about when I may or may have not said I was going to quit "For Real! No Really!" Don't dwell on the past. God.

  3. I'm relocating to Charlotte, NC in like uhhh... just over a month, and let me tell you, there's nothing fun or funny about moving. Unless you find dropping a ton of money on crap and going through your stuff that you should have gotten rid of the last time you moved--I'm talking to you, BF--fun, then yes. It's a total blast! And ho ho! So very very funny. Though, it gives me a reason to make many lists and spreadsheets and that makes my inner nerd grin from ear to ear.

  4. I just came back from vacation. BF and I spent a week in Destin, FL. You guys heard of this place? It's in the panhandle of FL, east of Pensacola (listen to me acting like I know where stuff is). ANYWAY. It's apparently the #1 beach in the U.S. So #1 beach in the US. Yet, I've never heard of it. Why am I always the last to know these things. hmph. Where was I.. oh! So yes! It is indeed beautiful! White Sands, clear(ish) water. And I took my camera! Plugged it in on sunday when we got in to charge up.... and then left it there plugged in. all week. What can I say, I'm *that* good. Don't be jealous.

  5. I have apparently shed my tough Texas skin for good, and am suddenly reminded of how much sunburns suck. The day we went to the beautiful beach, I didn't put anything on before we left. Because ... well I have no idea. I do remember thinking "pffft. I don't really need sunscreen! I don't burn remember! I'll put it on later!" And we went into the water first thing, then came out. It was then time for the application of sunscreen. So I started applying to my arms and noticed that sand was like mixing with it and while I do love a good facial scrub every now and again, it didn't feel nice. So I said screw it, "I won't burn anyway", and just laid out in the sun all exposed and vulnerable. As we were walking back to the hotel, BF said "ohhhhh you are gonna be hurtingggggggg! Look how red you are!" To which I looked down at my skin, and said "pffffft. im not burned it'll be fine." We walked into the hotel room, and I marched right over to the mirror and said "Holy Freckles Batman!" (yes, I really said that.) because I suddenly looked like Pippy Longstocking (or you know, some other character with lots of freckles... work with me here). I jumped in the shower, and this is about the time I realized I was indeed burned. Because I basically took a cold shower and it felt glorious. Normally, I take steaming hot showers and continue to make the water hotter the longer I am in, so this was outside of the norm-- and very much a RED HOT DONTYOUFRICKINTOUCHME Signal. *ahem*

  6. Ouch! Don't touch me! I didn't touch you! That hurt! I put my hand over your skin, no contact was made! That's close enough to touching me! Don't touch me! I'm burned! Hello! It Hurts! Geez.

  7. Yes. I am a baby. So what.

  8. Yay lists!

P.S. I am going to make a concerted effort to NOT disappear for large amounts of time anymore. No, really.