Friday, August 25, 2006

A contract with myself

Let it be known that I, Tricia, do solemnly swear on this 25th day of August in the year of our lord 2006, by the power vested in me by the state of willpower and having a freaking spine that I will smoke no longer and fear no evil. *twitch*

Tricia, heretofore referred to as "ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME" will abide by the following contractual obligations:

  1. ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME will NOT under any circumstances purchase any nicotine products with the exception of Nicotrol and Nicoderm CQ should she require the assistance. *twitch*


  2. When ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME's BF is out of town, this does not give her the right to sneak cigarettes. "No one will know but me" is something of the past.


  3. Even while drinking, ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME will not partake of any nicotine substance, other than the exceptions previously listed (see rule #1)


  4. Upon the occurrence of drama and/or pain and/or anger, ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME will not succum to the evil cigarette.


  5. *twitch* ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME will do her best to NOT ride the emotional rollercoaster that is withdrawal and will instead lavish herself with perfume and all things pretty smelling in celebration of not smelling like an ashtray.She will also wear her circle of friends bracelet with pride and will will (heh) her strength from this bracelet and what it stands for.


  6. ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME will not, under any circumstances replace her nicotine addiction with any other addiction such as food, caffeine, yelling at people, etc.


  7. ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME will reward herself appropriately and as she sees fit. She will ignore the eye rolls and the "uh huhs" she will receive from her supportive friends and family when she announces to them that she has in fact decided to quit smoking for the 10983409238409328th time. This will not phase her. She will instead use that negative energy to reinforce that "DAMNIT I CAN DO THIS" and prove all you poops wrong, for once.


  8. ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME will not be upset when people (aka BF) does not notice that she is in fact, not smoking. She will realize that eventhough this is the hardest thing she has had to do so far in life (omg the dramatics), not everyone has any FUCKING CLUE what it really means to quit smoking. She will instead support herself (see #7).


  9. During those rough times, ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME, will go to the gym or take a yoga class.


  10. ITSABOUTFUCKINGTIME is giving herself life as her birthday present to herself, beginning on the day before her 29th birthday. She will remember that this is the first step in the life of a healthy person and that this is a good thing and not OMG THE TORTURE OF IT ALL!


I, Tricia, will abide by the contractual obligations set forth in this document.

Signed,

Tricia

*twitch* pinky swear. *twitch*

5 comments:

  1. ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!! GOOD FOR YOU! :)

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  2. Glen, henceforth referred to as "IFISEEYOUSMOKINGILLBITCHSLAPYOU" does hereby support his peep, TBerg in her cessation endeavor.

    For his part:

    1. IFISEEYOUSMOKINGILLBITCHSLAPYOU issues an initial "you go, girl!" rally of support.

    2. Additionally, IFISEEYOUSMOKINGILLBITCHSLAPYOU will monitor aforementioned peep and, as the moniker implies, bitch slap said peep if he sees her with a ciggy. He does this out of caring, not malice. No, really.

    3. Lastly, IFISEEYOUSMOKINGILLBITCHSLAPYOU resolves that in times of weakness, he shall not sink to the level of the "told ya so!" dance so popular with the kids these days. He will just continue to (lovingly?) slap until the urge to smoke is gone from his peep. Further, he offers his slapping services on behalf of his peep to any other peep caught doing the "told ya so!" dance, diddy, eye-roll or any other form or fashion thereof.

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  3. I will join you as soon as this pack is done and we will support eachother and do this ("it" didn't sound right) together!!! I NEED LOTS of support from you

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  4. Anonymous9:52 AM

    10/10 post, i missed this last week. hope your birthday rocked hard! =)

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  5. erin: i know right!

    thank you gman, I will have to remember to hide from you :)

    harms, whats up? *taps foot and looks at watch*

    Ti...erm,I mean, anon: bday was cool, and thanks for the compliment! 10/10! how in the world am i gonna top that! ;)

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