Fuck! It's Cold!

I actually tried other words and phrases for the title...

"It's Friggin Cold!", which... meh.

"HOLY COLD BATMAN" completely overused by the Author if you ask me

"HOLY MOTHER ITS COLD"... not bad not bad

but I mean. "FUCK! It's Cold!" its...its perfection, sorry.

also, "FUCK! It's Cold Bitches!" also works but slightly over the top, no?

Annnywayyyy.

I have to say that I was probably one of the few who was not complaining when it was like, I dunno SIXTY FIVE DEGREES IN JANUARY. God, that was indeed blissful I must say. And Christmas? at 50 something degrees? WHATS WRONG WITH THAT? Seems perfectly normal to me.

But now. The whiners have won, and it is FUCK.ING. COLD. OUTSIDE! Man. I even have to wear a goddamn coat.

That right there is the worst part. I hate coats. I hate driving while wearing a coat. However, a coat does keep me warm so... there's that.

Lately, I have been having this weird body temperature control issue where IM COLD ALL THE DAMN TIME. Like teeth chattering cold.

Monday, when I came home from work. I sat down in my coat, gloves and scarf ... AND WAS COLD. I sat like that for a good while. Mind you, I was INSIDE the house...ya know... where the heater is on!

Right now, I have my space heater ON my desk FACING ME. It could possibly melt my right side of my face and probably my shoulder. But I? right now? IM COLD STILL. Yet? My ear might melt off. Seriously, I touched my ear and my earrings burnt my hand.

Oh. Speaking of hands. I am developing a bowling callouse on my left thumb.

How sexy am I now? *prance*

I saw this on another blog (haha! a mommyblog too!) and I am totally buying one right now.

So back to me being cold. (cuz really, it is such an interesting topic) I have been going through this routine with my space heater at work. Where I'm all hovering around it, chattering my teeth until I go... hey! I should try some coffee or somethin'! Then I brave the cold hallways and acquire hot chocolate (because I change my mind. I'm allowed.) and then I sit back down and cup both hands around the steaming cup of chocolatey goodness and blow on it and take sips and burn the crap out of my tongue. But! It's ok! It is for a greater cause than my ability to taste! Once I am done, I start doing a bit of work and then I realize...

HOLY CRAP ITS HOT IN HERE! TURN OFF THAT DAMN HEATER!

Then 10 minutes later.

MOTHERF(#*)$)#@(*$)@ NOW ITS COLD.

.... All. Day. Long.

and no, I am not anemic.

I've discussed this with a few people and they sorta look at me like I have no eyebrows and then go "well, maybe you are getting sick?!?"

which! aha! people! don't you know! I AM NOT GETTING SICK THIS WINTER! NO WAY! NO HOW! NUH UH NOT ME! NO SIR!

NO REALLY! I made a pact with myself even! And! The last time I called in sick was September. SEPTEMBER! I cannot break this streak of mine. I will not allow it.

Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta go get my coffee hot chocolate and get this party started.

Proof that I am on the wrong friggin coast...

So a friend mentioned that Rage Against the Machine was gonna reunite for some concert, and I was all "pffffffft. I'll believe when I see it."

and lo!
Rage Against the Machine will reunite for Cochella
[cue the angels singing]

(I'm also a day late on this but hey. I was snowed in! heh)

But. Guess where that is? Califrickinfornia!

man. *pout*

well there's bound to be some CD's cut from it and BELIEVE YOU ME they will end up in my hot little hands.

I hope anyway.

oh!oh! there will be a DVD!

whew.

though, hey! I dont see RATM in the "performers include" list. wtf?!

wow, check that lineup. Hey uhhh... anyone wanna go to Cali?

heh.

I'm only half kidding.

P.S. I do so enjoy incomplete sentences.

wussy.

So, yesterday, ya know when it was all like OMG ICEY!!! EEEK!... You remember?

I stayed my ass at home, tyvm *bow*

However, most everybody else at work? Went to work. So I feel slightly like a dumbass but I am not letting it affect me... much *cough*

Earlier this morning, I saw that my boss called me. So I quickly applied my make-up and straightened myself out as if I gotten to work that way (pshaw!) and scurried over to her office. Turns out she just wanted to have mexican with me. BTW? Have I mentioned ever my love and simultaneous snobbery of mexican food? Like it has to be a certain kind of mexican for me to even consider it. But I could probably eat mexican every single stinkin day of my life. And I pretty much did when I was in San Antonio *happy sigh*

uhhh..

oh right! So anyway, we talked a little and I was all "yeah sorry, Im a wussy when it comes to ice" As if I havent been working here for the last decade and she has no idea who I am.

and she was all "yeah hehe, I pretty much expect it from you, [team member], and [other team member]... and that's ok! It is all about what you are comfortable with!"

dude, did she just backhand me?

maybe it was the "yeah, I pretty much expect that from you" bit that made me all "WTF!" and fidgety.

I know she didn't mean it the way I took it, but well I am a girl and I overthink things.

oh so! back to the ice.

So yesterday, BF and I went outside to shovel stuff. (i.e., he shovels and I tilt my head and go "but! what about over here? *points*). What? Okokok. I helped him clean off my car. god.

WHAT!?!

Ice scares me and it was everywhere! *sniffle*

Anyway. So I made him put down some sand where I would be walking the next morning cuz I knew the stuff that was now water was gonna refreeze--the thing I hate most about winter and virginia is the flippin ice. So I sorta made this big deal about it. I was all stressy last night about slipping and being a general moron.

This morning, I carefully walk to my car and guess what. I didn't slip! not once! I'd like to say it was because of my insistence with the sand. But I am guessing it really wasn't as bad as it was in my head.

Driving on my street however? Let's just say skating is fun! Was fine once I got off our street though. So glad we are paying for people to clear our snow. They do such a fine job. *cough*

I'd say I'm gonna move back to San Antonio, but! IT SNOWS THERE TOO NOW.

friggin el nino.

Confessions of a blank mind

or. Another excuse to make a list!

There's a few thing I have been keeping from you...

I know, I know. I shouldn't do it and it is very hurtful to you but I just couldn't tell you these things. BELIEVE ME this hurts me more than it hurts you.

wait.

what?

Oh. Yeah so, I've got some secrets and I am finally willing to share but shshshshsh cuz this is top secret stuff.

• I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DAMNIT. There. I said it. and SNICKER IF YOU MUST but he is the bees knees dude. the BEES. KNEES. I mean C'MON. How can you possibly resist. Also? Love that song. Doesn't matter what sort of mood I am in, when it comes on... I... I just have to wiggle it.


• AMERICAN IDOL SLAYS ME. The first season I was all "I'm just gonna watch the auditions cuz pssssssssh that's the only funny part *hair toss*" Second and third seasons, I forgot completely. Fourth season, I remembered again and vowed to only watch the auditions because, god. the rest of it so so lame *rolls eyes* and then Constantine happened and I was sucked in. What? It wasn't my fault! Who can resist that grin! WHO. And season 5. oh my goodness season 5. There was Ace *dreamy sigh*. And like, Chris Daughtry and his shiney little head *swoon*. I mean, look how he grips that microphone *pant*

hang on, I need a moment. ahem.

• How'd this get to be all about boys anyway?


• I READ PEOPLE AND US WEEKLY. I EVEN HAVE SUBSCRIPTIONS. OK!?! OK! god.


• I watch The O.C. and Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls. And I get really really excited when these shows come on. At the end of each show, I'm all "WHAT!?!?!! THATS IT! )(#*)$(@*#)(*@)#($*@" as if I didn't already know that they do that shit on purpose


• I LOVE award shows. I really could care LESS who won what. I'm all about who is wearing what and who is with WHOM and dude... did you hear about this? poor lil fella :(


• The other day bf was checking out his mp3's to figure out which ones to put on his shuffle he got from santa. He would play like a couple seconds of a song and I would sing some lyrics from it. I ROCKED THAT GAME. I fancy myself something of a song knower...type...person? Whats the friggin word for that!?. My co-worker, however, would disagree since he knows WAY MORE THAN I DO. But thats really irrelevant *cough*


• I like making lists. Shocked arentcha.


• PUSSYCAT DOLLS ALSO MAKE ME WIGGLE IT (just a lil bit)


• I also think the lead singer of The Deftones, Chino Moreno is smokin hot. And his band rules too.


• I used to be such a fan of Lost but they've successfully drained all interest from my brain. CAN THEY JUST GET RESCUED ALREADY!?! God. And Why doesnt the big dude lose any weight!?! Tom Cruise did! WTF?! At least try to be accurate.


• Oh yeah, I'm back to not hating T.V. anymore


• I like Marilyn Manson. I DONT CARE IF THATS OK WITH YOU OR NOT. I LIKES HIM.


• Rage Against the Machine is probably my all time favorite band. But they broke up *sniffle*


• Now I am on a music tangent


• Also? The Mars Volta? I'm digging them lots n lots. See how I even out the Timberlake/Pussycat dolls thing?


• My sophmore year in high school, I became a country music fan. It was due to the fact that I started dating a "kicker" and well...I dunno I'm stupid. I can listen to country now, if forced. But I don't choose it.


• "Kicker" - a dude/chick who wears boots, big belt buckle and wranglers. And generally just looks like they either just left the rodeo or are going to it.***


• Oh Speaking of rodeos, my first date with this said "kicker"? At the rodeo in San Antonio for a Reba McIntyre concert. Pretty much shoving that shit down my throat from the start. Also, I might've said I liked country music to get his attention *cough*. but thats really just an ugly rumor. *fidget*

I could keep going but I should maybe do some work now.

*** We have a name for them see cuz...CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, not ALL Texans are cowboys and we don't ride around on friggin horses on our dirt roads.

.... we use our john deere tractor. :P

I am feeling the need to add more cuz! I forgot some stuff! and we can't have that!

• I read "mommyblogs" eventhough I am not a mommy. They are some funny chicks man. FUN.NY.


• I love dave matthews band with all my heart. Maybe I am a hippy. so what. (I'm not though. no really.)


• I should do a top ten band list. oohhh! okokok Ill do that.

[/end retardoness ;) ]

A Cast of Characters...

So since I am now an old hand at this here bowling league business, I have had plenty of time to sit and observe the wide-array of bowling personalities on our league, and I thought I would share my insights.

Cuz I'm a giver. I give. I GIVE!

The Bowling Pins: (Snappy name, no? The creativity. It boggles the mind, I know.)

1. The "WHATEVER I DONT CARE" Bowler: I, myself fall into this category. This is the person who acts all "pssssssssh whatever, gutterball, I don't care. IM HERE FOR FUN PEOPLE! FUN! And by the end of the 3rd game they're all "GODDAMNIT (@#U*$(*#@&(!@*&$(@!&$*@!(&!@($*&!@$( THATS IT! IM DONE WITH THIS BOWLING SHIT!!!! #(*@$&#(*$&#@()" ahem. This type of bowler is good on occassion, but generally just sucks out loud at bowling *bow*.


2. The "launch the ball down the lane" Bowler: This is the guy (normally, it is a dude. However, we do have a few female launchers too) who cups the ball in his forearm, fingers BARELY in the holes, and he sort of runs up the lane and THROWS the ball. Now, it may or may not hit the wood prior to hitting the pins. But, believe you me. He will show those pins who's boss.


3. The "I TAKE THIS WAY TOO SERIOUSLY" Bowler: This person may or may not own their own ball. They will, however, have one of those braces on their wrist and they don't tend to smile a whole lot. There's no smiling in bowling! are you crazy! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS! This is the person who bowls, doesnt get a strike, turns around to the crowd with a combo pissed off/shocked look on their face. Say a few explicatives, and stomp off the wood. They continue to be pissy all.night.long. When they do get a strike, they're all "FINALLY. GOD." Lovely people to be around.


4. The "I KNOW WAY MORE THEN A PERSON SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BOWLING" Bowler: These people discuss their "strategy" when it is not their turn to bowl. The watch others bowl intently and they discuss it WITH ANYONE WHO MIGHT HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF MAKING EYE CONTACT ACCIDENTALLY. They discuss the level of oil on the lanes, or lack thereof. They usually own MORE THAN ONE BALL. These balls are for various occassions, including the level of oil previously mentioned. They are lighthearted about bowling in general but are veryveryveryvery hard on themselves when they do not get a strike OR SOMETIMES when they get a strike but its one of those where theres one pin left and it decides to fall at the last minute cuz THATS NOT A REAL STRIKE. They always say "Well, I'll take it!" When they do not make a strike, however, you can see them whispering explicatives to themselves as they walk off the lane and telling themselves how much they suck. They sit down and proceed to mull over what went wrong until the next time. When they can avenge themselves.


5. The "Pre-celebrator, celebrator" Bowler: This person is so confident in their bowling skills, that as soon as the ball has left their fingertips they immediately start cheering and patting themselves on the back. This works nicely when they get a strike, but there are times, when a strike just was not in the cards. When this happens, they turned around to the group shocked! WHAT THE! DID YOU SEE THAT CRAP!?!!?! This does not, however, stop him from doing this each and every time he bowls.


6. The "kicker" Bowler: This dude is usually a pretty good bowler. Probably a combination of several of the above, but as an added bonus after hey throws the ball he stands and stares and waits. When the ball hits the pins, this dude does some sort of kick or arm pump simultaneously with the strike. Now this becomes funny because he does it every single time--regardless of whether it is a strike or not. When it is not a strike, he turns around, defeated. This is makes me chuckle a little. I DONT KNOW WHY. Or maybe I'm just evil and jealous of good bowlers.


7. The "tantrum throwing" bowler:This is the guy or girl who, after the pins have fallen unsatisfactorily either stomps or yells, etc. They also tend to blame the bowling gods, and say things like "WHAT ELSE CAN I DO!?!" They are usually mediocre bowlers.


8. The "Damn I'm good" Bowler: This bowler is in fact, an excellent bowler. And they know it. They bowl, do the "yes" motion with their arm (elbow bent, hand in fist, fist to side of body--you know what im saying), and then they non-chalantly spin around with a grin on their face and modestly walk back to their seat. Perhaps slapping a few high-fives on his way back. He doesn't need to be dramatic see. cuz he IS INDEED THE AWESOMEST. EVAH.


9. The "I bowl with my eyes wide-shut" Bowler: I don't know if this can be considered a category because I have only seen one person do this but I am running out of categories and I am almost to 10 pins (#@#()*)!(* ahem. Anyway. This person grabs her ball, walks up to her chosen position. Brings the ball up to her nose. and then closes her eyes and, I'm guessing, "visualizes" the pins and her strike. She proceeds to walk and throw the ball WITH HER EYES STILL CLOSED. This works for her about 3/4 of the time. She also wears a wrist guard. heh.


10. The "IM THROWING THE BALL SO HARD THAT I LOOK LIKE IM GONNA BITE IT" Bowler: This guy is usually a good bowler. His "approach" leaves something to be desired (I should talk) and slides before he releases the ball. Once he releases the ball his body goes all awry and he catches himself before he falls. flat. on. his ass. I have yet to see one of these bowlers actually fall, but I always wince when I see them bowl. Also? Falling on the lane? One of my secret fears :( So when I slide, my heart drops to my stomach. every.single.time. You'd think I would get used to it by now. But no, I am a weirdo. No shock there, I suppose.

And there you have it! Don't you feel more educated now?

oh look! a story about the grocery store!

how CLEVER!

shush ;)

So I went to the grocery store on Saturday afternoon, I had a list and duh, I bought shit.

Here's the funny part.

So I am in line, piling all my stuff onto the conveyor belt making sure everything is in its proper category:

Produce
Refrigerated Items
Frozen
Boxed Stuff
cans/jars
bread/eggs

It's a brilliant system, you should try it.

Anyway! So this couple comes up behind me and the conversation goes something like:

Girl: This is the only open regular lane...we could go over there to the self-checkout?

Dude: Nah, we have a lot of stuff and knowing us something will go screwy and we will have to wait and *sigh* no lets stay here.

[This is where I feel eyes staring at the back of my head] I look up and smile cuz "WHAT THE FUCCCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT PEOPLE."

The dude looks at his cart which is just as full as mine and starts to get twitchy. He cranes his neck to see the progress in the self-checkout lanes.

I continue putting my stuff on the belt (YAH. I BOUGHT LOTS).

He comes scurrying back.

Dude: Let's go over there, its open.

Girl: hooonnnneeey noooooooooooooooooooooo. Look! the light is blinking! We will have to wait forever. Plus! we have produce! How do we ring that up?

Dude: You just put it on the scale and choose crap on the monitor (he's in IT I bet).
[and then he begins to tell this story about how he went to "Wally World" to get "TORE TILLAS" and he bought 1 of something but it said he bought 2 and he couldnt figure out how to take it back so he flipped the switched for assistance and he waited forever so he went over to another line and checked out and left]

Girl: *blink* What's that got to do with anything?

Me Inside: AHAHAHAHAHAA

Dude: Oh. Uh... nothin' Hey cmon let's go over there.

Girl: honnneeeey noooooooooooo cmon lets just stay here.

Dude: Cmon!

I look up and give her one of those "I feel your pain sister" smiles and she gives me one of those "ugggggghhhh men" smiles and sighs and off she went.

So I checkout and put the crap in the car. I'm driving down the parking lot and who do I see coming out of the grocery store?

The dude and the girl.

She kicked him and pointed at me and I just smiled.

I feel your pain sister, I feel ya.

Uninspired...

Each and every single day I keep my eyes peeled for something funny to happen...something BLOGWORTHY. So far I've got nothin'. I feel like I should be posting though cuz MY PUBLIC IS WAITING WITH BATED BREATH for a new post!

no really ;)

Which is completely amusing to me cuz I know like *counts on fingers* eight ... er nine! NINE WHOLE PEOPLE WHO READ MY BLOG.

I also know every single person in real life! ohhhhhhhhhhh wait! TWELVE! holy shit dude im a supahstah! DOUBLE DIGITS!

ahem. anyway what was my point.

oh wait I didnt have one. See, this here is like a Seinfeld episode because it is a post about nothing and is funny! OK so only half like a Seinfeld episode (meanie).

I will say that I am digging El Nino, even though its ruining the planet and blah blah blah...its friggin WARM and I LIKES IT. I found myself grumbling under my breath the other day when I had to *gasp* scrape my window one morning.

Hello Trish, its Winter!

I think my problem is that I didn't grow up with snow (south texas...not so much with the white stuff being ya know, in the southern tip of the country and all) and therefore snow scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

I dunno what to do! How do I drive in it! What about walking! and WHAT--god forbid I should ever get stuck somewheres--do I do to get myself like... unstuck! Do I roll the car back and forth or like press down on the gas and bury myself deeper. what! WHAT! WHHHHAAAT! Tell me what to do! I dunno!

Also. Also! ALSO! What about when you get into a spin--im told you are supposed to turn the wheel the opposite way and let off the gas but dont brake. WTF IS THAT ABOUT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THAT? I dunno what my knee-jerk reaction would be to that situation anyway cuz it hasnt happened yet (knock on wood), but I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be THAT.

I am an excellent driver.

Anyway, so my theory is this: had I grown up in snow, this wouldn't be so foreign to me. But I have TRACTION CONTROL so I got nothin' to worry about right? RIGHT?! Right.

Though maybe that theory is a bunch of crap cuz surely SOMEONE in NOVA was brought up in some snowy part of the country. Yet theres a plethora (I did NOT have to look that one up, tyvm!) of accidents on snowy days and serious traffic cuz people are stupid. and also, probably just as scared shitless as I. This is why I try to stay home, or let someone else drive on these days.

You are welcome.

oh...P.S. OH NO! :( Have I mentioned I love Mr. Timberlake? And have since his boyband days. and IM PROUD OF IT! Wait shshshshs use your inside voice! People can hear you! heh.

Dear everyone,

The girl you see in the car? Waving her hands around and yelling at no one with her windows up? Thats not me. No no no, I mean it is me it's just not who I imagine my non-smoker self being.

Yet on the way to drop my poor little kegOfSunshine at home friday mid-morning you could hear me saying:

"go. go! GO! GOOOO! FUUUUUUUUUUCKING GOOOO!!!!!" while wildly flashing my lights cuz FREAKING GO ALREADY DONT YOU SEE ME STOPPING FOR HALF A SECOND TO LET YOU IN.

I need some goddamn yoga or something.

sheesh.

The funny thing is? As sooon as I did that, kegOfSunshine looks over at me in her pain and extreme nausea and busts out with "HAHAHAHAHAAHA"

which made me realize how ridiculous I am being.

After dropping her off, I put the Squizz on and did my best to not pay attention to ALL THE GODDAMN IDIOTS ON THE ROAD.

WHY CANT YOU OPERATE YOUR VEHICLE PERFECTLY LIKE ME!

GOD.

hey, at least im not smoking though. Count your friggin lucky stars damnit.

xo,

Tricia

P.S. You are right, I should probably opt for a calmer, less angry XM Radio channel. But. I don't wanna. so suck it.

P.P.S. Yes, Ok, signing up for Yoga today.

durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I have one day left until I am off for Christmas and it seems as though my brain went on Holiday like last friday...

Exhibits A through whatever:

A. I keep checking my xmas list of shopping still to do (yah. I said STILL TO DO), even though I have the stupid thing burned into my brain. I still go "wait, what is left again?" and read it. for the 32098203948203498203948203948th time.

B. The other day, a co-worker asked me if I wanted anything from Panera. I looked at him blankly (im guessing) and after I had him repeat it, I said "oh...n..no thank you!" Honestly all I heard him say the first time was "woh woh woh woh woh?" Charlie Brown teacher style. He asked me what the look was for and I said "Oh...that was tooooootally not what I was expecting you to say" Cuz I'm quick on my feet like that. *cough*

C. I have stared at my closet every evening this week for a minimum of 10 minutes going "sooooo... what should I wear tomorrow" and I sit on my bed, cock my head to the side and swing my legs back and forth like a complete idiot and stare at my closet as if clothes will magically fly out of it and make themselves into this spectacular outfit. I end up picking the same basic shit every week, why the bewilderment?

C. This past weekend, I was on a christmas cookie mission and baked and made candy and...whew...martha stewart would be proud, let me tell you. BF and I went to the store friday night to get everything I needed. I even had a list! and my recipes just in case I needed to double-check! and turns out! I needed to! Like twice! there was even a whole recipe THAT WAS NOT EVEN ON THE DAMN LIST. how the hell? I made this big deal about making the list and then i left whole cookie recipe ingredients off? nice. and also! I went back to the store once! and sent bf back again! AN HOUR LATER!

D. Ooops I did C twice. see what I mean?

E. I had to dictionary.com confusion cuz in Exhibit C (the first one) I originally wrote "why the perplexion" and its not even a friggin word as I had suspected. I then thesauresed (dont even tell me thats not a word either) "confusion" to get bewildered so I sound all smart. Only now I have revealed my secret. *sigh* dumbass.

F. I laid on my heating pad last night cuz my back huuuuuuuuuuuuurts, as I do when my... uhh... back hurts (makes sense no?) and I woke up this morning WITH.IT.STILL.ON. Weee!!! howz about a nice house fire to start the morning! Luckily nothing happened but doooode...thats not good!

G. WHAT THE HELL DAMN DAY IS IT DAMNIT. IS IT WEDNESDAY OR THURSDAY?!?! Thursday! No wait! Wednesday! Wait! ...God.

H. I made Chicken Tortilla Soup Monday night for a pot-luck lunch my team was having on Tuesday. As I poured the soup into the crock pot at work Tuesday morning, I realized I FORGOT THE TORTILLA PART. woopsy.

I. The longer I think about this the more I come up with...and I dunno if I need to reveal alllllll that today.

Luckily, I am not operating heavy machinery this week. Carpool, I love you the mostest!

The one where she complains about stuff...

I know...it's all very shocking and like new for me to be complaining *cough*

So in the middle of November, I ordered 4 new tires from tirerack.com to replace my dry-rotted orginal with car tires. Me, cheapass that I am, chose the shipping that was the cheapest which also had the tires backordered. They did not get shipped until just after Thanksgiving. Got the tires put on at a local garage the weekend following thanksgiving. The day the car was in the shop I received a call from the garage where they threw big manly words at me like "camber" and "caster" and "toe" to which I immediately began imagining a big foot on my car and thought "wtf?!"

Anyway, the way the dude explained it made it sound as if he did not have the tool to fix my right camber so I was going to have to pay $79 for this tool and $82 for the alignment.

to which i said "shhaaaa right!"

so I took my car home with brand new tires and a bum foot. It was when I called the dealership to figure out what the hell this mechanic was talking about that I finally understood: He needed to replace the bolt kit! It is a part! Not a tool! How hard is it to say shit like that? He kept referring to it as a "tool" and well. I dont pay for garage equipment. It's a little rule I have, call me crazy.

Last Saturday night, I drop my car off to get the camber shit fixed. I was told that it would be done by COB on sunday. cool.

Then I get a phone call mid-afternoon asking if they could have the car until tomorrow morning because the "general mechanics" do not have the experience to do this camber fix and they would like to wait until a specialized mechanic is available to work on it.

I say sure cuz I have blessed carpool and it is not my week to drive, so what's one more day?

Monday rolls around and I call when I get home from work cuz W.T.F. He then tells me that he will give me a call back after he talks to the mechanic to get an update.

He calls me back. They have NOT started working on the car but will start immediately.

I say "It will be done tonight I hope." and he says yes. He tells me to come at COB (7pm) to pick it up.

BF tells me I was rude. whatever. they have not worked on the car all.day.long. what kinna bullshit is that?

I call at 6:45 juuuuuuuuuuust to make sure. It isn't finished. they can't get it "to spec" and can they keep the car another day.

In my head: "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
Outloud: Actually no, I need my car tomorrow to get to ...you know...work.

(I had to drive myself the next day, had doctors appointments to get to)

He told me I could take the car and asked me to return it as soon as possible.

I asked him "so its ok to drive on it half aligned?!"

he says "I think so"

I say "You think? or you know"

he says "yeah yeah no its fine"

in my head: "im gonna be driving down 95 and a wheel falls off...just watch"

So I pick up the car.

Fast forward to the next morning when I am getting out of the car at work.

There is grease on.my.door.interior.AND.on.the.exterior.

I whisper a few explicatives to myself and then call later in the morning when the garage opens. Phone call went something like:

Garage: "Thanks for calling alsdkjldskfjslkfdthsodf auto care, this is Adam, How may I help you?"
Me: "Hi Adam, Listen I've got a bit of a problem, and I want to know how you are going to make it better."
Adam: chuckles. [Really? thats the first move you wanna make? Laughing at an angry customer? Excellent move.]
Me: [this is where I tell the story. I didnt feel it necessary to repeat...this shit is already long enough] "...and now there's grease on the interior AND exterior of my car."
Adam: "Well ma'am I do apologize, I do not know what is going on with the alignment and I'd like to see this grease that you are talking about. We have upholstery cleaner, so we can clean that."
me: "oookkaaay...."
Adam: "How about I give you the oil change and the alignment free of charge, does that work for you"
Me: [Jaw on floor] "Umm..Ye..Yes. That works"
Me Inside: HOLLLLY SHIT!
Adam: "when will you be dropping the car off?"
Me: "I don't get back into the area until 430/445 so probably 5 or so"
Adam: "OK well I won't be here at 5, but I will inform the assistant manager"
Me: [begin paranoia] "Uh huh...ok"

So I begin to think about how they are gonna screw me and say that they have no idea what I am talking about and can I please fork over the $200 already and shut the hell up.

But no, that didn't happen. The dude knew exactly what I was talking about and even said "I was here on Sunday when this was supposed to be completed"

Me Inside: "Really? So why didnt you work on the shit then. god."
Me Outside: "Oh really?"
Him: "yeah I dunno why it isnt fixed"
me Inside: Me either jackass, me either.
me outside: silence.

k so that was tuesday night.

receive a call wednesday morning telling me how my battery has died and they need to replace it. Batteries normally pull 600 something and mine was pulling 11. They will not charge me for labor, just the battery.

me: "ok so what will my new total be?"
adam: "$89.00--thats the cost of the battery."
me: "oh but I thought I was paying for the bolt kit for the camber too"
adam: "No I am not charging you for that"
me: [Jaw on floor] "ok, go ahead and replace it"
adam: "i will give you a call later and let you know when your car is ready"
me: "okie dokie"

fast forward (heh) to wednesday afternoon.

Adam calls and tells me that the car starts now but wont stay on and the key fob no longer works, the door locks do not work and some other crap doesnt work. They cannot figure it out so they are gonna have my car towed to the dealership so they can fix whatever is wrong. He is going to issue me a rental car in the meantime.

Dealership tells me that my BCM is blown and needs to be replaced. That'll be $531.

Me: "I'm sorry...WHAT!"
Dealership: I see you have had this replaced before, November of 2003
Me: So the car was a little over a year old when it was replaced the first time?
Dealership: seems to be that way...
Me: So help me out here. How does a major electrical module go out in a basically new car TWICE in 4 years?
Dealership: I dunno... maybe the garage jumped the car and thats when the BCM blew
Me: yeah uh huh. Cuz thats a normal thing a garage would do. Jump a car before testing the damn battery.
Dealership: It is hard to prove...
Me: there's a shocker [yes i am being rude, this is friggin ridiculous]"

so i call corporate customer service to like complain cuz wtf!

I got a call this morning. They will replace the BCM Module, all I am responsible for is labor...$180.

Hey, thats better than $531.

shew.

What's funny is that just a few years ago I would have never fought and would have just paid and curled up in a little ball and wimpered.

Not so bad this growing up bidness.

So I called the garage just a minute ago to give them a courtesy update on what the deal is with the car. After much apologizing and kissing my ass I was informed that THE ALIGNMENT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN FINISHED.

Im expecting a call later today when they find out.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!>?!

Oi...

So guess what? I'm getting old :(

I know I know we are all doing it, shush. I get that. It is just that I am just recently noticing the lovely tell tell signs and today is the icing on the cake. And I wanna whine about it *pout* I'm not all OMG! IMA FREAK THE HELL OUT NOW cuz...well I dunno why. But lets just go with it.

The said "tell tell signs":

1. Like a year ago, I was looking in the mirror putting my hair up. When I was done, I turned my head from side to side like I do to admire my handywork (this shit takes talent people!) and a odd piece of light color hair type looking thing was sticking straight out of the side of my head (insert *booiinnnggg* sound effect here). So I was all WTF!?! and I tugged at it and leaned forward in the mirror and squinted and then my eyes widened with the realization that HOLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHIT THATS A GRAY HAIR (p.s. grey/gray?). I then proceeded to redo the updo to hide this new revelation. Didn't work. That little punk sticks out every single time. I wear my hair down lots more often now.


2. Kids of co-workers/fellow employees are now in college. COLLEGE!?!?! Holy Shit dude, these kids were in like middle school when I first met em. My bosses son? Yah. IN THE MILITARY NOW. holy crap. I remember riding in the car with her and her two boys were sitting in the back as we skated along I-81 one winter evening. I remember thinking how intelligent they were for being so young and so well behaved. THE MILITARY people! gah.


3. "laugh lines" or whatever the hell you want to call them have now a permanent spot on my face. No. kidding. I noticed it the other day. When I watched myself go from smile to no smile, lines about the nose and mouth were still there. awesome.


4. My hip pops when I get in and out of BF's acura. I dunno if thats a sign of old and crickety but it sure sounds like it to me.


5. I NOW HAVE TO WEAR GLASSES 24/7. :( I used to wear glasses for the computer to reduce the headaches and the squinting and the smooshin my nose up to the monitor. A month or two ago I started noticing that I was having to squint to see street signs. Big Ass signs, billboards, whatever were B L U R R Y all of a sudden. So then I went to optometrist in nov and lo! I got a new prescription shock of all shocks. I went to day to get the lenses cut to my current frames (cuz im a cheap ass) and I am now having some issues with these "progressive lenses" Ya. thas right. I got trifocles! No need to be slow about the degrading eyesight, full speed ahead I always say! gah.


6. Oh yeah, I turn 30 in months. MONTHS! Full Speed Ahead! Yar! (I missed talk like a pirate day, matey.)

On a side note, these progressive lenses are really screwing with me.

and also ... Oi. :(


**Update:
addition to tell tell signs:

1. I see the chiropractor at least once a week. Make no mistake though, I love every second of it. *happy sigh*
2. I'M IN A BOWLING LEAGUE -- that just sounds old don't it? I now own BOWLING SHOES.
3. I recover from hangovers veeeeeeeeeeery slowly now.
4. Going to bed at 11:00 PM is late for me--though it is a common occurrence.
5. Waking up at 8am on saturday morning is also a common occurrence. I go back to sleep though cuz well CUZ I CAN!

Seriously, I feel like im looking through a fishbowl with these glasses. Apparently blinking aides in eyesight focus, because I am finding myself blinkling LOTS this afternoon.

wait, what?

As far back as I can remember, my mother avoided speaking of anything related to the past at all costs. She's tried different tactics over the years: leaving the room when a story was being told, getting angry when my dad would go "remember that babe?", having a sudden case of amnesia and interrupting the story with "when did that happen!?!", etc. Mostly the getting angry tactic is what resonates in my memory section. I never understood what her problem was with the past. It was a blanket reaction, there was nothing I could pin point as a trigger. It was just the past in general.

Examples

• The time my dad shaved his beard, and the dog Ceiba freaked the hell out and my brother, "T", hid under the bed crying because he thought my Dad was a stranger--this was before I was even born, or as my father would say "when you were a twinkle in your mother's eye."


• Whenever I bring up our ancestory and like, ya know, where the hell I come from.


• Stories of my mother's grandmother, who used to make my Dad homemade tortillas which he would eat with butter, cinnamon and sugar. (btw, you must try it if you have never had it--so good) My father and my great-grandmother would communicate via sign language since my great-grandmother spoke zero english and my father spoke zero spanish.


• The time my brother, T, worshipped Evil Knievel and rode his bike up a ramp and did some crazy jump. T is like michael jordan in that when he does something that requires concentration, he sticks his tongue out. So when he hit the ground, he bit his tongue in half. The story goes that just after that happened, the boys got called in for dinner. Pot Roast. Everyone started eating after grace except for T. My father yelled at him to start eating. So T took a bite, and then his eyes welled up with tears. My father, losing his tiny amount of patience, begins yelling at T while at the same time acting concerned--Ya know..."T! WHAT IS WRONG! EAT YOUR FOOD!" T, silent up to this point, begins to sob and opens his mouth and ... out flops his tongue which is hanging on by a ... yeah...eww! and ouchy!
  


• The time T, who wore glasses as a kid, enjoyed sticking his head out the window like dogs like to do. On the ride home from the optometrist, T thought this would be a grand idea and woosh! there went the brand new glasses.


• How cute T was when he was a kid and wanted so much to be like his big brothers. W and Bubba would be sitting on the curb next to each other and T would come over and squish himself between the two of them.


• The time I wandered off in the grocery store (there was a toy section in our grocery store, there's no resisting that), when I got tired of checking out the toys I figured it was time to start looking for my dad. I walked down the front of the store peering down each aisle looking for him. I found him after a few aisles, he was looking for me also and looking pretty pissed about it. I tried to soften him up by being funny and yelled out "THERE YOU ARE YA BASTARD!" heh.


• The time my mother took the boys ice skating and they were skating along holding hands and one of them fell bringing the whole party down. My mom broke her wrist. oopsy :(


• How when I started walking I would put my arms out in front of me, elbows bent and wrists limp. Yes. The prissyness began at a very early age it seems.


• How W was both my brothers hero. When W got a newspaper route, they wanted to help. There was a prize for getting the most subscriptions. The prize was a day at AstroWorld! So they helped and they won. T was so excited the night before that he made himself sick and couldn't go :(


• I've gone off on a tangent again

Anyway, point is anytime ANYTHING from the past came up she would flip out and get really angry.

I have noticed, however, that in recent years it is now my mother who is the one who brings up and tells stories from the *gasp* past.

Take this past holiday trip for example. She brought up someone named "Richard" and told this story about how my grandmother was thawing a turkey out on the counter and he saw the naked bird and flipped out and started crying.

Me: uh. hey mom? Who is Richard?

Mom: Oh. He was my brother. You didnt know him. He died when he was 4.

Me: Wait! You had another brother! What did he die of?

Mom: Yeah. His name was Richard he was younger than Rachel but older than Jerry, he died of Leukemia.

Is it just weird only to find out about additional siblings of your parents when you are almost 30 or is it just me?

oh and!

Apparently I am not Spanish from Spain! No! Im Mexican from Mexico!

I dunno why but that really stunned me.

Wonder what other little nuggets I will learn as time goes on...

I joined the wrong damn competition!

again with the last to know crap...

but uh! Had I known! I would have totally participated! Totally.

What the hell am I talking about, you ask?

NaDruWiNi! It is even fun to say.

oh, sorry, its NaDruWriNi ... i like to say it "NayDrewWeeeKneeee" anyway, cuz it's the little things that make me happy

Perhaps I will have a make-up night this next weekend. We have lots of leftover liquor from the Outer Banks!

hmmm... anyone interested *nudge nudge*

le sigh.

I remember when I first heard the buzz about blogs.

I sorta dismissed it and said "*snobbby sigh* God! People have tooooo much time on their hands!"

and then multiple friends of mine started their own blogs, to which I said "gah! my life is too boring. what the hell would I write about?!!?!"

so thats my excuse for failing NaBloPoMo, my life is boring. I feel it is important to post something vaguely interesting (like this little morsel right here...heh), instead of a run-down of the boring things like:

"today I worked, then I came home and made dinner, then cleaned up and watched some tv, then ironed my clothes then went to bed. the end."

cuz my days are really like that but! theres always something funny about something that happens. and I wait for those pieces to rear their funny heads.

but you see, this process can't be rushed. no no! it's like a fine wine and...

aw ok fine, i give. I suck at NaBloPoMo *sob*

you still love me though, right? RIGHT?!?!

*sniff*

Day 9: She finally comes to her senses...

Lord knows I am not talking about me here.

I am, however, talking about the Britster!

We are so close see, I can call her that.

No, really.

Anyway! Ha! She finally saw the Big Bright Flashing "L" smacked on Federline's head and is filing for divorce!

MSN SAID SO IT MUST BE TRUE!

I get the feeling this is old news, I somehow only just found out though. *sigh* Always the last to know.

Day 8: Bowling Thumb

what? Don't look at me like that. I already missed a day before, I failed at NaBloPoMo *hangs head*.

I am honestly still trying though. really.

Yes, I am aware that I did not post yesterday too. Stop being a tattletale.

Anyway.

So I joined a bowling league! First game/meet-up/match/whatever you wanna call it was last night.

I must tell you that I am the epitomy of perfect bowling form and motion. really. REALLY! OK so I'm not. at.all.

I bowl sorta uh backwards. First, I am a "righty" but I do everything else with my left. This includes bowling.

Second, Ya know how bowlers sorta have the ball like in the palm of their hand and the ball is facing the ceiling and they throw it with so much grace and end it with a bend back-kick type movement?

here's how i do it:

• I grab the ball and step up to platform. With appropriate fingers in appropriate holes I hold the ball close to my chin, "visualizing my move." With my other hand, I lovingly cup the ball (dude, 8 lbs is heavy! Shutup, yes i said EIGHT pounds.)


• Then I make sure bowlers on either side of me are not preparing to also bowl cuz! Bowling etiquette hello!


• and the "walk" begins. This is basically me dropping the ball to my side, walking up to the lane


• at the last minute I go hey! I should swing! so I swing my arm. Note: my palm is facing the back of the room and the ball is facing the ground (hello. backwards)


• then i let'er go. due to backwards-ness of the form, the ball has this backwards rotation on it and seems to slow.down. as it gets to the pins.


• last night I noticed that I added this sorta kicking out of my back leg, like straight behind me, superman style. sweeeet. i am graceful.

*bow* its pure genius no?

My average you ask? Well you know it was the first game, establishing handicaps and all and uhh *cough*85*cough*

yeah i suck. whatever. as if you expected anything less ;)

I also have bowling thumb. In which the inside of my thumb is all tender and overly warm and sore and sorta hurts slightly when I bend it.

God, I am such a princess. "ohh my thumb hurts! *pout* wahhhh!"

Day 6: Damn You Carlos! *shakes fist*

Before you go all "oohhhh she didnt post yesterday, ohmmm I'm telling.."

First, who ya gonna tell? WHO!?

Second, OMG! It wasn't my fault!

As you may have noticed, I have been posting in the evening time cuz well--IM DRAWING A FRIGGIN BLANK. *sob* the pressure of posting every day is really getting to me. It has to be a good post! a funny post! a meaningful post!

then I realized, why start now with the good/funny/meaningful shit?

So ok, I have been spending lots of time in bed due to this lovely cold/whatever I have. Which, this is also an excuse I have been using.

This, however, is not my current point!

I'm getting to it, shut-up.

So yesterday, we went to breakfast, I did some laundry and cleaned the kitchen cuz God forbid people help out other people when they arent feeling good (OEIFWE)*(R#)*($)#(*$#@$)(@#*$)--ahem, anyway.

Watched the Redskins win a game!

And then a little bit later, we get ready to leave cuz! It's time for Carlos Mencia at the Warner Theatre! As we are driving off to dc, it occurred to me that I hadn't yet posted for the day.

Me: oh no! I haven't posted yet for today!
Me: I want to say this outloud but I know the bf will make fun of me!
Me: okokokok, this thing is at 9, so we should totally be back by 11! definitely 11! I can post then! It'll be fineeeeeee.

We got back at 12:45AM.

damnit.

and I blame Carlos cuz

1. last time we checked the time it was 9:32 and the thing had.not.started.yet


2. he had like 23904850395 people come on before him, which made me giggle a little. ya know the van with a million latinos? This is what I am envisioning the "Punisher Tour" is like.


3. he was funny! so we stayed til the very end! the nerve of him!


4. i'm old--alright that's not his fault. *sigh*

Can I get a by?

What about a "do-overs"?

no?

hmph.

Day 4: I have a doctor's note...

I've got a cold. and this is my excuse for the worst posts in NaBloPoMo-dome. But god, who can think with this pressure on my face?

Watch this while I go NyQuil up.

sank you bery much

Day 3: Slumber Party's in San Antonio

This whole halloween thing has me thinking back to slumber party's I attended as a weee lass (just follow me here). Yeah there was some of the putting the bra in the freezer or putting a sleeping hand into warm water (you know what i mean, sleeping person's hand in the... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN). But either my friends were evil or we just enjoyed scaring the hell out of each other cuz there are a number of things I recall being staples in our slumber party's...

• Calling the Donkey Lady: Yeah, wtf? Hear me out. So there's this number you can call--or was--in which the Donkey Lady (half donkey, half lady, of course) would answer and you could hear her hooves galloping along and they'd get faster and louder and OMG HANG UP THE PHONE BEFORE SHE GETS YOU!!!! The idea was that if you stayed on the phone long enough, you would turn around and BAM! Donkey lady right behind you. I know, stupid right? Tell that to a 12 year old (or the biggest chicken in the world, me).


• Doing Bloody Mary in the bathroom: You know the one. No? How about just the girls? Seriously? Well anyway, SUPPOSEDLY if you go into a bathroom and turn off the lights and flick water at the mirror and chant "Bloody Mary" three times, you turn on the light and the water is red (aka OMG! BLOOD!) or she ends up behind you (wtf is it with the behind you stuff anyway?) Yours truly would run the hell out of the bathroom when the second "bloody mary" was said. *bow* thankyouverymuch


• Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board: so somebody lays on the floor, everyone kneels down around the person and puts two fingers of each hand under the persons body, think girl scouts honor style--only palms up. THEN you shhhhhhhsshshshsh everyone cuz OMG SO FUNNY!!?!?!and then you close your eyes and concentrate cuz THIS IS SERIOUS PEOPLE. Then you chant "light as a feather, stiff as a board" over and over again and the person is supposed to levitate. Never worked for us though. well not really. we would, however, screw with somebody and go "OMG SHE IS OFF THE GROUND" and they would scream and pull her hands back and we'd laugh and laugh. *sigh* oh. where was i?


• Quarters! So apparently, the drinking behavior started early with us BUT! we played quarters! with shots of water! WE ARE BRILLIANT. DIDJA KNOW IF YOU CONSUME TOO MUCH WATER YOU THROW UP?!?!?! Not...that I know first-hand or anything *cough*

thats all I remember right now but...kinda f'ed up no? whatever happened to like painting nails and doing makeup and playing dress up!

or like! Barbies!

sheesh.

btw, talking about Bloody Mary and the Donkey Lady did NOT make the hairs on my arms stand on end or cause me to go "WTF WAS THAT" when the cat jumped off the bed.

Nope. not at all.

Day 2: doh

yes im cheating already.

shut-up i have a cold and the mind is all foggy with the like...

cold stuff.

nighty night.