the one where she recalls random crap and wants to tell you about it

So I was outside smoking taking in the fresh air (whatever, shut-up) and noticed a teeny tiny car with one of those driving school signs on the top. The person was pulling out of the parking lot and making a left onto the street...

ever sooooooo sloooooooowwwwllllly.

and I didnt really think anything about it until I looked away and then looked back and realized, "holy crap, she is STILL turning!"

now, ok, perhaps this is an exaggeration and I have no idea how long she really took but holy moley! it seemed like FOR. EV. ER.

This made me think about when I started driving...(and then I thought Hey! I can blog this! Ya know, the thought process of a normal person...)

I learned to drive when I moved here. I dunno why I never bothered to get my license with all the normal people at 16 but I didnt. I had no interest once so ever, and all my friends had cars and licenses so why bother? also. my dad sort of had this unwritten whispered rule about kids not driving til they were 18.

which, now that I am older? that is a fine fine rule, I mean have you seen those fools drive?

Anyway, when I moved here kicking and screaming (more on that later), my Dad informed me that the sweet '86 T-bird he was driving was going to be mine when he purchased a new car. Once that car was officially mine, man I couldn't stay out of the thing. I'd nervously back it out of the garage (with a big ass grin on my face) and then proceed to wash or wax the thing--like every other day. This was all I could do with it cuz I had not yet acquired my license.

My mom did let me drive it around the neighborhood with her as passenger when Dad was at work but shhhhhhhhhh dont tell.

So when it finally came time for me to get my license, I was 18. Virginia rules are (or were anyway) all hokey about "older new drivers." Bascially, I only had to acquire so many hours of driving time then I could take the written and driving test at the DMV, but I had to wait til I turned 19 (yeah, wtf?).

So we set up my driving lessions to acquire the "driving time." I was all sick with nervous excitement that morning as I waited for my instructor to arrive. She pulled up in this like geo metro which was a little disappointing though I am not sure why I expected to drive some really nice car. I get in the driver's seat. She points out some stuff, has me adjust my mirrors and then she goes "OK! anytime you are ready!" And this is where my hands start to get all shakey cuz jesus christ dontcha ease people into this at all? No? not so much?

So she has me drive to the GW Parkway. Thats right, death road itself. I'm driving along with the grip of steel on the steering wheel, trying to remember to check my mirrors and dont go too fast! and I guess I was hugging the shoulder some cuz I kept driving over those drains on the side of the road and it would make a loud noise but I didnt wanna move closer to the inside cuz! OMG! theres cars driving past me! I could get too close! Even though the chick kept saying "uhm you might wanna move closer to the inside of your lane. Meanwhile, I just kept thinking "yeah right, who's driving! WHO!" and then i noticed the exact same driving set up in front of her in the passenger seat. weird little cars those things are.

I remember the drains vividly, and even when I drive the parkway now I think about it and make it a point to not drive over them. But when I do, the noise isnt as loud as I remember it.

Anyway so long story short (heh) I failed my first test cuz it was drizzling and I was too nervous to notice that the few drops on the window were TOTALLY impairing my view and I did not use my wipers! gasp! the horror!

I ended up having to take the driving test again and I passed and then they informed us about a little rule that I could not take the written test until my 19th birthday. As luck would have it, my birthday fell on the same day that fall semester started and gasp! I had to totally drive myself to my first day of school. So i drove my car to the dmv (shhh) while my parents drove behind me. I took my test and drove to school...

WITH MY PARENTS BEHIND ME THE ENTIRE TIME.

holy crap i felt like i was going to kindergarten all over again or something.

My dad has this thing where he cant pull into a spot and be happy with it ...OH NO! he has to pull out and repark at least twice. He slows down while driving through green lighted intersections cuz! it could totally change any second now and ya gotta be ready for it!

My cousin once side-swiped a PARKED car on her right side. Her excuse was that she cant see the right side of her car and she cant be held responsible for whatever she hits on that side.

These are my genes people!

(and p.s. im driving the carpool this week *snicker* WATCH OUT BITCHES IM COMIN THROUGH!)