Tuesday, October 17, 2006

A Call to Arms

alright, not really. It's just jury duty for cripes sake.

*eyeroll* she can be soooooooooooo dramatic sometimes.

pipe down over there.

Anyway! So yah it is my turn to fulfill my civic duty and am "on call" for Jury Duty for the next two weeks, which is awesome. Now, I'm not a total control freak or anything but I HATE NOT KNOWING UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE WHAT IM DOING THE NEXT DAY.

okokok after 6pm isnt exactly last minute, but still!

So I made my first call friday evening, all giddy-worried about the logistics of getting to frickin Alexandria by 0830 in the morning from the frickin hood (pwc esse!) without, you know, shooting myself in the head from sitting in traffic for a bazillion years, while at the same time really excited about the prospect of being on the jury of a murder case for like some mafia guy or something. Cuz this is for U.S. District Court bitches! Prime Time Baby!

....I obviously watch too much tv...

anyway so I was not needed on Monday which was a relief and a disappointment all at once.

Fast forward to last night, I am ironing my clothes thinking about what I have to do at work tomorrow when the thought struck me, "HEY STUPID! Hows about you check on your jury duty reporting status!" and then my stomach drops. Cuz, im way too paranoid for my own good and OMG! It's too late to call my carpool if I am called in and HOLYSHIT NOW WHAT DO I DO???!?!

I figure probably the best thing to start off with would be

I dunno...


so i did ;)

and I got the SAME EXACT MESSAGE FROM FRIDAY. In which it told me to please call after 6pm the following business day, Monday, 16 October to check what my new reporting status will be.

The little hamsters in my head start running around and I go "but! it is Monday! OMG! They didnt update the message! So I hang up and redial cuz OF COURSE THEY WILL UPDATE THE MESSAGE IN THE NEXT MINUTE.

and whaddya know! same message!

so I call back a couple more times

hi. im an idiot. nice to meetcha!

so then i decide that they are probably not going to be at the office at 8:30pm (after I tried calling the office twice), and my head is pounding really loud and my ear feels like its gonna fall off so perhaps I should go to bed and I will call tomorrow morning.

Did I mention that I have a swollen gland in my neck and the pain is radiating to my inner ear, my jaw, my teeth and it hurts when i turn my neck?

no? well nevermind. Im ignoring it too! Sick! Me! NO! NOT FUCKING AGAIN! NO! NOOOOOOOO!

ahem. anyway...

I get to work and call the number again (AFTER I had called immediately upon getting into carpool vehicle cuz! they totally would have updated by now, I mean its 6:45AM!)

and whaddya know! same message.

So I pass the time by reading through the crap they sent me, cuz occupying my mind with doing actual work at work is just silly, and I get to this part:

Is jury service mandatory?

Yes. The United States Constitution guarantees the right to a trial by jury in both criminal and civil cases. Your participation as a juror helps make justice happen. Also, the consequences of not reporting for jury service are severe. You could be escorted to the courthouse by a deputy U.S. marshal to explain to a judge why youdid not report. You also could be fined up to $100 or imprisoned for up to three days or both.

This is right about the time I start to lose my shit. I'm all "Oh fuck! Well I... Well I would tell the judge that the message wasn't updated. Yeah, that'll work." and then I thought "but HOW WOULD I PROVE IT!" and then i thought about calling it again and recording the message.

I wish I was kidding.

0828 rolls around and I jump on the phone. cuz im impatient.

Guy gets on phone, I explain my neuroses, he asks me for my name and puts me on hold for a jillion years (yes ok not really, shut-up). He comes back and asks me to spell my last name and he says "ok, just call back tonight after 6pm"

and I say... "ok so im good for today!?!?!"

which. jesus christ tricia.

he says "yes, you are fine."

and then I say "ok so the messag..."

to which he responds quickly with "yes, it wasn't updated."


no troopers comin to escort me to the courthouse today. I can rest easy.

until 6pm tonight anyway ;)


  1. You freakin crack me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I love you!!

  2. You.have.so.much.energy.


  3. i uhh wouldn't call it energy persay *twitch*