Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Disorientation

I went to the grocery store after work and the chiropractor--and p.s.? I LOVE THE CHIROPRACTOR MAN. LOVE! DID I SAY LOVE YET? CUZ. LOVE! Totally.

oh. hi. where was i?

right. grocery store.

So, I walk in and grab the little red riding hood basket...

what? It totally looks like what I would imagine red riding hood carrying. Think about it. Doesn't it? Alright, shutup. This is how my mind works, dont look at me like that.

Annnnnnyway, so I step through the automatic doors and the familiar scent of baked goods and linoleum waft by the ol nose (btw, I'm totally smelling random things lately. must be the WHOLE MONTH AND ONE DAY OF NOT SMOKING. YES. I SAID A WHOLE MONTH AND ONE DAY *bow*).

crap. i keep getting distracted.

So, I'm walking along and notice that my footsteps sound different. They sounded sorta hollow and deep and it felt kinda--yes, eventhough I was wearing shoes--softer.

anyway so im thinking "hmm, wtf"

so I look down.

cuz it only makes sense, no?

and holy hell! theres wood on the floors now! and i look up and hey! the walls look differe..hey! the produce area looks all farmers marketish...hey! what the hell!

and then i realize that

a. man for being a person who is so detail oriented at work (alright well I think so) I certainly am oblivious to obvious shit

and b. holy crap! they are remodeling!

cuz im smart like that.

so I remember that I have a mission and proceed to add things to the red riding hood basket that I need and ...

im all...

HEY WHERE THE HELL IS EVERTHING!

Theres these metal racks in front of the regular shelves (which are empty, btw) with the food. Only, its all in the wrong aisles.

OH SONOFA! IM GONNA HAVE TO RE-LEARN THIS STORE!

I just got this crap down too. damnit.

and I start to notice that every other customer I walk by also has this "wtf?" look on their face. I walked by this chick that had this look and I said "any idea where the rice is?!?!"

and she hahaha'd and said "not a clue."

So I continue to walk around going "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE RICE!?!?!"

I pass the chick again. She says "find it?"

me: "*sigh* No!"

just then an employee walks by and THE CHICK asks "excuse me, where is the rice?"

the employee, outfitted with the same "WTF!?!" look on her face as everybody else goes "uhhh" and proceeds to look at the aisle signs. She walks back and forth between a few aisles with me following behind her, listening to her go "I dunno why they moved everything and didnt bother providing any goddamn maps!"

THE CHICK appears again from some other aisle and goes "found it!"

I say "Oh, the cereal aisle! That makes perfect sense!"

and btw, whats with the nice chick? am I not in NOVA?!?! Home of the sneer and the stare right through you and the DONT YOU KNOW IM IN A FUCKING HURRY! MOVE YOUR ASS CUZ IM MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU AND MAKE IT SNAPPY DAMNIT?!?!

was a nice change i must say ;)

the chip aisle! in the middle of the store! not the far left! What will I do! *sob* I DONT KNOW WHERE SHIT IS!

pah. I didnt even go look to see whats at the far left. it was too much for me to handle.

I thought it was strange that the parking lot was basically empty at 6pm on weekday, and now I know why. CUZ YA CANT FIND NOTHIN!

luckily, im a fairly smart girl and found what I needed (but gah! just barely!)

The really sad part of this whole thing is the fact that the grocery store remodeling is affecting me this much.

jesus.

3 comments:

  1. Solution: Just go to Giant until they are done, they have signs for ya!!! :)

    So, did you make chili?

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  2. holyshit. one. month. and. one. day. i'm jellis. also, they remodeled my (MY, YES MY) tarzhay and it sent me into a tailspin. i feel for ya.

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