I have just finished my last cigarette...for good.
Hush up, It's gonna work this time.
Ugh. it better work.
I've smoked "officially" since I was 17. I came home from school one day and my mom was at the dining room table. I put my backpack down and sat down with her for our daily rundown of the days events. My dad came up behind me and put an ashtray in front of me. He said "next time, use it." (doh, busted) And that was that.
No one could really say anything I guess. At that time all 3 of my brothers and my father all smoked. My poor mom had to deal with a smokey house for years and years.
When I was younger, I used to complain about how the smoke would stink up my hair. I would announce anytime anyone lit up that they were taking 7 years off their life and "ewww smoking is grody."
and then I started smoking. Ironic, isn't it?
anyway so 11 years of smoking...it's time to close that chapter before I kill myself for real. Everyone in my family has quit. EVERYONE. so, damnit I've got willpower in the ol' genes!
This is the perfect time to quit cuz we are going to visit some friends of ours who got married recently. Her mom and his dad have both passed in recent years due to cancer. She gives me the evil stare when I smoke in front of her. And since we are staying at their house during our visit, I'd just rather avoid the uncomfyness of it all.
I am NOT looking forward to the moodiness, and the exhaustion, and the holyMotherOfGodBackYouEvilGirlBackISayMOODINESS. I know my boyfriend sure isn't. Poor guy. He has gone through this with me countless times. He is usually quite a trooper. There has been once or twice where he said "GOD! Go smoke already!" hehe...I crossed the line there I suppose. Oopsy.
I am, however, looking forward to not being stinky and not being worried about when I will be able to have my next cigarette, and no more $40/carton...geesh.
I am going to try to control my moods by taking my aggression out on gym equipment. I gotta keep my appetite in check, cuz if past try's (and there have been many) are any indication, I become eatingEverythingInSightMonsterGirl (rar!).
ugh. pleaseworkpleaseworkpleaseworkpleaseworkpleasework. IcandothisIcandothisIcandothisIcandothis.
* My boyfriend calls me "smoookkaaaay" like from the movie Friday. He thinks it's funny. I find it kinda offensive. Time to give me a new nickname love ;D