Problem Solved!

Last night I picked up BF from the airport, we had a very late dinner and headed home. Shortly after our arrival, I marched directly upstairs to bed because it was all late (for me, anyway). I went up to bed by myself because well, I dont work 24/7, and didn't need to check my email or whatever the hell he was doing on his laptop (()*&#)($*)#@(*$#)@(*$#@) ahem.

Anyway, so he finally came up and I was about 1/4 of the way off to dreamy dreamland. And he starts talking to me as if I am fully awake, and I answer cuz, well, the dude is never here man. It's rare that I get to have conversations in bed with him right next to me.

The conversation drops off eventually...as it does when one participant can barely keep her eyelids open. And I guess he fell asleep quicker than I because the next thing I hear is a very loud and all too familiar

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHPFFFFFFT"

See the BF doesn't snore. oh no. what he does is like a spontaneous LOUD ASS moan type thing. Which is cool most of the time...when I am already asleep.... because I can sleep through just about anything. However, I was not asleep just yet and when in this particularly fragile state of half asleep half awake, it scares the ever-loving crap out of me.

Since my life is pure comedy, the sirens of ambulances! and firetrucks! and police cars! followed soon thereafter. I swear it was like 40jillion of those bastards. One right after another after another. With an occassional "HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNHHHHHHHPFPFPFT" thrown in there with fine comedic timing.

I'm not even kidding.

So I'm laying there, trying very hard to fall asleep while at the same time waiting all apprehensively for the next "HUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNPFPFPTPFPTPFPT" to rip me back to consciousness.

These moan-type-things age me a year or two each time they occur. That shit catches you off guard man, and there is no pattern to it. There is no way to tell when the next one will scare the ever living bejesus out of me. It is very much like the story over at dooce.com that she just told about a visiting doggy that just barks spontaneously for no reason. eerily so.

So after like, I dunno, 30 minutes of this. I sit up and swing my feet to the floor and sigh because DAMNIT IM ANNOYED I WANNA SLEEP TOO WAHHHHHHHHH.

this wakes him up inexplicably...

... not the moaning. ... no, me ... SIGHING wakes him up. (wtf?)

"[semi-conscious] what's the matter? *yawn* am i making noise again?!"

"Yes. Yes you are. and I can't fall asleep *whine*"

"You want earplugs? I have some under the bed?"

"What!?!?" [Did he just say earplugs!?!]

"You want earplugs? I have some under the bed?"

[Yep. he sure did]

and eventhough " what the fu...." is flying through my head, I answer "Yes!" emphatically.

"OK, grab my little silver box from under the bed"

So I get on my knees to retrieve the box--all the while wondering to myself why the hell he has earplugs under the bed--and plop it on the bed. He wrestles around with the box and is all "I can't see where...they...are..."

Because I'm the Queen bitch, I sit there for a minute refusing to turn the light on because, in my head, this was a nice punishment for keeping the PRINCESS awake.

and then I give and turn on the light.

and I'm staring at a .....gun case (again...whaaaaa?) and he is fumbling around with the like thing that holds the ear plugs.

So then he shows me how they work. He closes the box.

At once, I shove them in my ear and I hear...absolutely nothing! Then I turn off the light and fall back into bed. I hear a muffled something and say "WHAT" and realize how loud that probably was. I took one out and start laughing and say "what" again and he laughs a little and says "nothing, nothing" and I shove it back in my ear. And I swear I felt like I fell asleep immediately.

I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm clock because I guess I was worried I was not going to hear the alarm clock.

What with the GUN SHOOTING EAR PLUGS ALL UP IN MY EARS ALL NIGHT blocking out all sounds of life, surely you can imagine why I would worry.

And dude, while the amount of sleep was small, I shit you not--that was probably the best quality sleep I have gotten in quite some time.

KegOfSunshine told me there was a mean thunderstorm last night. But I didn't hear it *happy sigh*

Hope he doesn't plan on taking these bitches away from me.

Mine!