That's some good drivin' right there

As the sun rose yesterday, my tired ass was pulling out of my parking space and headed to KegOfSunshine's house to commence the carpooling goodness, as I do most days. I'm driving by my neighbors spots and notice that the old jallopy buick has a very big dent in the trunk. Like it hit something very round and sturdy. smack in the middle of the trunk area. and I went "ha. that sucks"


["Ha." not cuz im a heartless bitch (ah pipedown you) but because these people are honkers. Like 5am on a Saturday or 12am on a Wednesday, they pull up to their house and honk for whoever to come out! this instant! OR THEY WILL HONK AGAIN! Why can't these fools use their cell phone or like! I dunno! GET OUT OF THE CAR AND OPEN THEIR DOOR AND GO "HEY IM HERE LETS GO!" And it's never a single "beep" its more of a "beep. beepbeepbeepbeepBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEP! and they wait 2 seconds for whoever to leap out of the house and when they dont (two seconds later) it's "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEP BEEEP BEEP"

I often threaten to BF that I'm gonna go out there and unhook their horn--or you know, whatever it takes to disable that bitch.

Also stealers! See, it's like this: HOA decided that we needed actual trash receptacles to put our trash out in due to all the critters gettin' in to stuff. Which, duh. So one day, we each got a shiny new trash can delivered to our front porch. Well, except us, of course. So we called and they delivered another. A couple of days later our neighbor on the end caught us outside and said "Hey! I have your trashcan!" Apparently he pulled ours in to his backyard with his, to be nice. Very sweet no? So then we had two trash cans which was kinda cool but we really dont produce that much trash. Somehow it ended up that I put a birthday candle on one of the trash can lids and sorta left it there for several days in the hot sun. So it melted on to the top of the can. Last year, when we came back from OBX vacation. Said trashcan was gone off our deck. OFF OUR DECK. (We need a goddamn fence. with a lock!) We see this trashcan every Sunday sitting out in front of Honker's house (f'ing neighbors man.). Either they melted the same yellow stripey curvey candle in the same exact place I did. or they are stealers! I say Stealers!]

Man, I can get sidetracked easily. Sorry! Anyway!

So I'm driving down my little street after work the same day and I notice Mr. Honker/Stealer is outside wrestling with the trunk. and you know, I'm already sorta hating this dude. I mean god. stealing a trash can! The horror! But seriously, the honking!? that shit has to stop.

Holy crap I'm doing it again!

ANYWAY.

So I get out of my car and decide to walk over and talk to him and be like neighborly.

Me (Inside): "You stole my trashcan butthole."
Me (Outside): "Oh NO! What Happened!"

Then he mumbles something about his wife in broken english

Me: "I'm sorry?"

Mr. Honker/Stealer: "My wife. She trying to get out. and hit tree *points*"

Me (Inside): "What fucking tree dude"
Me (Outside): "Oh no! Is she ok?! Is everyone Ok?!"

and then I thought maybe this was Saturday when we got that twilight zone snowfall. (P.S. WTF was THAT shit. wasnt it like 70 degrees 3 days prior!?)

Mr. Honker/Stealer: "Yeah she fine. Yesterday, my Wife was trying to get out and she couldn't find brake and she hit tree *points*"

Me (Inside): "K maybe not the snow. and also WHAT FRIGGIN TREE DUDE!?!"
Me (Outside): "Oh no!"

Mr. Honker/Stealer: "I trying to get trunk open to get stuff out" he says while using a hammer and trying to rip the metal open"

Me (Inside): "Sha right dude!"
Me (Outside): [looks down at pile of tail light shards and pieces of metal on the ground] "oh hehe yeah. doesnt look like thats gonna happen."

Mr. Honker/Stealer: "I gonna have to rip off [mumble mumble]"

Me: *blink* "Well I am glad everyone is ok, lemme know if I can help"

Mr. Honker/Stealer: "OK Thank you!"

and I walk away.

Lemme break this down for you in photos (oh I uhh just took the photos and there is apparently a tree on the other side of the street...go figure. Also! I was able to find what tree he was talking about):



Tree, 3 feet IN from curb.


'Nother Tree. 4 feet in from curb BEHIND mailbox.


area behind our parking area (aka other side of street)

see any trees here?! Alright, alright there's a tree there. My mistake.


Oh, this one? The same one from the first pic? Thats like 3 feet back from the curb? That's some skill right there. So. up AND over the curb? and 3 feet back? awesome. Also. notice in the first pic, its not even leaning at all. It's not that big of a tree either! Also, note the relationship between car and said tree (better seen in first pic). Where the heck was she parked? and how the hell? I don't get it.



HEEEEE. I took this while strolling back from "checking the mail." Plate blurred out to protect the honker/stealers innocent. (yeah. im not bitter.)


and this one taken on the way to "check the mail." I'm so sneaky.

Now tell me how fast you gotta be going to get that big of a dent from a tree?! That shit takes some skill man!

Problem Solved!

Last night I picked up BF from the airport, we had a very late dinner and headed home. Shortly after our arrival, I marched directly upstairs to bed because it was all late (for me, anyway). I went up to bed by myself because well, I dont work 24/7, and didn't need to check my email or whatever the hell he was doing on his laptop (()*&#)($*)#@(*$#)@(*$#@) ahem.

Anyway, so he finally came up and I was about 1/4 of the way off to dreamy dreamland. And he starts talking to me as if I am fully awake, and I answer cuz, well, the dude is never here man. It's rare that I get to have conversations in bed with him right next to me.

The conversation drops off eventually...as it does when one participant can barely keep her eyelids open. And I guess he fell asleep quicker than I because the next thing I hear is a very loud and all too familiar

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHHHHHPFFFFFFT"

See the BF doesn't snore. oh no. what he does is like a spontaneous LOUD ASS moan type thing. Which is cool most of the time...when I am already asleep.... because I can sleep through just about anything. However, I was not asleep just yet and when in this particularly fragile state of half asleep half awake, it scares the ever-loving crap out of me.

Since my life is pure comedy, the sirens of ambulances! and firetrucks! and police cars! followed soon thereafter. I swear it was like 40jillion of those bastards. One right after another after another. With an occassional "HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNHHHHHHHPFPFPFT" thrown in there with fine comedic timing.

I'm not even kidding.

So I'm laying there, trying very hard to fall asleep while at the same time waiting all apprehensively for the next "HUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNPFPFPTPFPTPFPT" to rip me back to consciousness.

These moan-type-things age me a year or two each time they occur. That shit catches you off guard man, and there is no pattern to it. There is no way to tell when the next one will scare the ever living bejesus out of me. It is very much like the story over at dooce.com that she just told about a visiting doggy that just barks spontaneously for no reason. eerily so.

So after like, I dunno, 30 minutes of this. I sit up and swing my feet to the floor and sigh because DAMNIT IM ANNOYED I WANNA SLEEP TOO WAHHHHHHHHH.

this wakes him up inexplicably...

... not the moaning. ... no, me ... SIGHING wakes him up. (wtf?)

"[semi-conscious] what's the matter? *yawn* am i making noise again?!"

"Yes. Yes you are. and I can't fall asleep *whine*"

"You want earplugs? I have some under the bed?"

"What!?!?" [Did he just say earplugs!?!]

"You want earplugs? I have some under the bed?"

[Yep. he sure did]

and eventhough " what the fu...." is flying through my head, I answer "Yes!" emphatically.

"OK, grab my little silver box from under the bed"

So I get on my knees to retrieve the box--all the while wondering to myself why the hell he has earplugs under the bed--and plop it on the bed. He wrestles around with the box and is all "I can't see where...they...are..."

Because I'm the Queen bitch, I sit there for a minute refusing to turn the light on because, in my head, this was a nice punishment for keeping the PRINCESS awake.

and then I give and turn on the light.

and I'm staring at a .....gun case (again...whaaaaa?) and he is fumbling around with the like thing that holds the ear plugs.

So then he shows me how they work. He closes the box.

At once, I shove them in my ear and I hear...absolutely nothing! Then I turn off the light and fall back into bed. I hear a muffled something and say "WHAT" and realize how loud that probably was. I took one out and start laughing and say "what" again and he laughs a little and says "nothing, nothing" and I shove it back in my ear. And I swear I felt like I fell asleep immediately.

I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm clock because I guess I was worried I was not going to hear the alarm clock.

What with the GUN SHOOTING EAR PLUGS ALL UP IN MY EARS ALL NIGHT blocking out all sounds of life, surely you can imagine why I would worry.

And dude, while the amount of sleep was small, I shit you not--that was probably the best quality sleep I have gotten in quite some time.

KegOfSunshine told me there was a mean thunderstorm last night. But I didn't hear it *happy sigh*

Hope he doesn't plan on taking these bitches away from me.

Mine!

Forward Motion Commences!

Before I say anything, I just have to point out this: www.icanhascheezburger.com--i love this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, after I got sick... I got better (like people do) and then sorta...

...stopped...

...all forward positive motion.?!

Indeed, in some instances, I even took a million steps back. Case in point: I have smoked for the past 2.5 weeks.

Yes, yes. Get the disppointed looks over with. Trust me, I am just as disappointed.

2nd case. I have yet to set foot in the gym since the Strepapolooza of '07 *sigh*

3rd case. My eating is all not healthy. Im drinking like, several sodas a day. Eating like junk (but man so tasty). It's all making me feel awful though. Which leads me to the 4th case where it is spilling over into my homelife (aka clutterathon '05-'07).

See the deal is when we moved into this house, it was stuck somewhere in the 70's where the basement was all wood paneling, and while very groovy baby yeah! we weren't down with it. So we tore it down. put up drywall. painted. put trim on the walls, painted trim, and laid down new carpet--all in like 2 years time (heh).

And by "we" I mean not really me...or the BF, for that matter. I think I painted... a little. Alright, I will admit--he did way more than I did.

But we did leave it alone for like ... I DUNNO... A YEAR give or take. We ended up paying people to finish it because. well. we succcccccccccckkkkk.

What? Why are you looking at me like that!

We like to take our time, dude. There's no need to rush the shit. Where's the fire!?!

heh.

So now, basically I've reached my breaking point. I'm tired of the stacked up boxes in the office, in the basement powder room (yes, you heard me right), in the storage space underneath the stairs. The stacks of like SHIT everywhere cuz we have nowhere to put anything cuz all the storage is being used for like... I dunno what is even IN those boxes. But we keep moving them back and forth and making stacks on the dining room table of stuff to be filed, put away "whenever the office gets done." It's been our mantra since we moved in and IM SO OVER IT.

and hey! what killer timing too! Because we just got the carpet laid in the basement--today! So now! We can move stuff from the office to the newly carpeted area! Put cabinets in the office! And then! It's operation clean-sweep minus the tv camera's!

and maybe chill out on the exclamation marks for a while.

This has done great things for my morale. Forward motion! after 2 years! Yay!

"a while" is a relative amount of time, apparently.

So as my first step, I have smoked my last cigarette. for real. this time no indiscretions. swear.

NO REALLY.

I understand how you can possibly, maybe not like...completely believe me. But I ask you to give me one more chance.

hey how about that bad sentence structure too while we are pointing out things.

P.S. JM: I mailed your stuff. don't faint ;)

Back from the dead

So I've just spent the past 4 days in bed. In bed with strep. I don't recall ever having strep in my whole life, and let me tell you what. I totally made up for that in the past 4 days.

So on Monday I was feeling like sludge. all tired and dragging. I had the vague sense of a scratchy throat but I just ignored it because. Well I have this hypochondriacal (heh) side to me where if someone mentions that they have a cold or someone in my car pool announces that he thinks he has strep, I'm all "hmmm *clears throat and swallows hard* my throat is a little scratchy all of a sudden too! *blink*" and 6 times out of 10 it ends up being nothing.

but haha! not this time!

Tuesday I felt worseish. But I was still brushing it off because HELLO HOW COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY GOTTEN STREP FROM HIM.

And then I woke up Wednesday and my throat felt like it was closing up on me. My ear was screaming in pain. and it hurt like a mother to swallow. So I called in sick. My dear fellow carpool people called me later that day to see how i was doing and if I was going to the Doctor, which, I hadn't at that point. I told them I was gonna "sleep it off"

Hi! I'm an idiot, nice to meetcha!

So i went to urgent care to get swabbed and/or find out what the hell was wrong with me. No strep. Just a cold.

But *blink* I'm not sneezing, or coughing much... how the..?? This is when the Dr. told me I could just have a cold in my throat.

WTF?

So ok blah, I'm not sick. all this shit is in my head. I will be going to work tomorrow! I will!

Then I woke up Thursday and my throat situation was far worse. So I called in again. and made a doctor appointment after I woke up. I went to a new Doctor. An actual like...family doctor! I know! Look at me! Being all...whatever the word is? (Damnit, am I the only one who draws a blank (ha ha) mid-sentence? Tell me I am not.)

I tested positive for strep. He said it like I had just gotten in to Harvard or something. "Hey! You tested positive!"

Yeah. wooohooo.

and then he sat down with his laptop in the exam room and proceeded to type and simultaneously tell me that he was giving me a script for antibiotics and for Lidocaine for the throat pain.

and I said "ok" and held out my hand for the prescription.

he continued staring at his screen and said "Should be ready at your CVS by the time you get there"

How friggin awesome is that? I don't have to sit there and look all extra pathetic so they will fill my prescriptions faster. Hi-tech doctors rock!

Oh, so lemme give you a little insight into Tricia Strep:

1. Cold. Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. Hot. ColdHotColdHotColdHotColdHot and then lots of sweating. I literally woke up in the middle of the night and I felt sweat dripping down my face.


2. Complete and utter exhaustion.


3. Stomach issues. and I'll just leave it at that


4. Huge ass razor blades stuck in my throat. It hurt to cough, to swallow, to talk, to yawn, to open my mouth, to sneeze! HOOLLLLLLLLLLY SHIT ON A STICK SNEEZING HURT

I know, you are so jealous right.

Hey next time I say something about how it would be nice to have a day off when someone mentions being/getting sick. Smack me. Smack me hard. I'm a complete idiot if I ever.
say.
that.
again.

Today, I am feeling betterish. I'm still very tired. But now is the time for decontamination! Must wash sheets! Must change toothbrush! Must wash dishes!

Btw. How the hell does a kitchen get so friggin dirty when it's just me here? And I'm spending most of my time comatose in my bed? How?

I blame the cats. Little cute furry balls of terror.

This decontamination process is going way slower than I would prefer as I am having to like rest in between chores. Who breaks a sweat putting away dishes? WHO?

Also. Can I just say how much it f'ing blows to be at home alone AND sick? BF has had a horrible schedule as of late. He was in CA for a week came home Saturday, left ass early on Sunday for a team-outing--A CRUISE TO THE BAHAMAS($#)(*@#)(*$%. Came back from cruise Thursday night, left at 4am Friday morning. Will return like, never.

I'm kidding. I think it is like Thursday now? They keep adding days. Poor guy is gonna be a wreck when he comes home.

But. the shit still went to the Bahamas. WITHOUT ME. so theres only so much sensitivity I can muster.

ah, im just playing.

sorta.

Tomorrow is work. and I gotta admit how excited I am at the prospect of NOT being in my house....even if it is work. I happen to love my job most days, so theres also that bonus.

Also, JM, I haven't uhhh mailed your magazines yet. *hides* I uhh... well ... Ya see it's like this. I'm a sufferer of a chronic disease. It's called THE LAZY. I vow to do it this week. I pinky swear.

or like... next week. Ha. I'm kidding!

I think.

6 months Bitches!

Sunday was officially six months since I quit smoking.

and while I have had a handful of indiscretions...It fucking counts dude. IT. FUCKING. COUNTS.

Seriously, don't piss me off man, I'll chew your hand off. Hell I'd figure out a way to smoke your hand.

... Hey, did I mention how bad I suddenly want a goddamn cigarette...Came on strong on Sunday and all I can come up with is that it is 6 months. BF, of course, scoffed at the idea that my subconscious could possibly know that it is 6 months. This is where we started arguing. about nothing. CUZ I HAVE A SHORT TEMPER RIGHT NOW DUE TO ME FIENING LIKE A...

LIKE A...

well like an addict :(

*sigh* Longing, thy name is Philip Morris. I hate you by the way Phil. Hate.

but uhm, can i bum a smoke? I was only kidding just then. NoNoNo. Who said hate!?! Don't be crazy. I luvs you. No really... <3.

Seriously. gimme a cigarette.

I'm not afraid to use violence, ya know. I row now. Im totally badass *flex*

*twitch* I can get through this *twitch*

It's funny how perspectives change...

Earlier, in January, when it got cold finally (or dammit! depending on your outlook), it was like 30s and 40s and I was all brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr its cold.

no wait. i was all: "FUCK! IT'S COLD!"

and then it went all Antarctica on me and was like 10 degrees, and with wind chill was below zero.

and yeah. now THAT'S fucking cold.

On Saturday, I stepped outside to see how cold it was and I left without a coat cuz it felt warm! I got in my car and started the ignition. The car said it was 37 degrees.

*blink* say what?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They are calling for more snow this week.

Mild winter my ass. hmph.

P.S. I will stop bitching about the cold, when it like stops. being cold. FORTHELOVEOFGOD PLEASE STOP!

Inspiration leads to pain

One of our carpoolers pooled money with his family over the holidays and decided to do a biggest loser sort of competition in which the winner would win the money. He dropped out of carpool (bastard) so that he could modify his schedule to fit in working out.

I saw him yesterday morning, and he looks awesome. No more tummy, his face is slimming down and wow. just wow. Such progress in a month. So I talked to him for a bit and asked him some questions. I walked away from our conversation thinking "sheewwwt. I could do that!"

and then I ordered a breakfast burrito from the downstairs deli and thought about it some more.

Later that day, it occurred to me that maybe I needed something fun to keep me going. KegOfSunshine had, coincidently, asked me early that same morning if I wanted to go to a hip hop class with her and her roommate at Bally's. I would have to pay $8 since I am not a member. I got to thinking that, eventhough that sounds way fun, it seems silly to me to pay $8 to go to a gym that I am not a member of, when I pay $40/month for a Gold's membership I haven't used in a few months long ass time.

So I went to my gym's website to see what the dilly-o. I clicked on the various classes and they seemed fun enough but were just so ... I dunno...ordinary. Maybe, perhaps not fun enough to keep me going (this was probably my lazy side talking me out of it already), and then I saw "Fit Row" and I read the description:

This total body exercise will burn calories and sculpt muscle in a non-impact workout that is safe and effective for all fitness levels. . Learn the power of being in the rowing zone on our new rowing machines.

I mean that sounds like perfection. "rowing zone"--that just sounds all kinds of harcore! I can be hardcore! and also! NEW MACHINES! I like New!

So I spent the afternoon watching the minutes tick by til it was home time so I could go to the gym! I was that excited!

So I went early to get a machine in the back (heh) and I sat down next to this girl. I asked her if she had taken this class before, she said yes. To which I said "OK so, how do you do it?"

And holy mother she schooled me on ALL that is rowing. Indeed, it was extremely helpful but I had a hard time keeping my eyeballs from rolling to the back of my head. I was sitting on her right, to my right was another machine and then a mirrored wall. As she talked to me, and I was smiling and nodding, I noticed she would steal a glance of herself in the mirror. So I started to screw with her, nonchalantly moving back and forth. When I moved a little forward, she would look behind my head. and When I moved back she would look in front of my head. It took all I had in me not to crack more than a smile. About 3/4 of the way into her soliloquy on all things crew and rowing, I stopped listening and just counted the times she looked in the mirror.

22 people. TWENTY. TWO.

heh.

Anyway so class started and the instructor was nice and seemed to know her stuff (since, ya know. IM SO EDUCATED NOW) and off we went. We started with the warm-up where she showed us proper technique--Legs, Body, Arms, Arms, Body, Legs. Keeping up is gonna be hard enough, now I have to worry about technique???

Then we moved on to some drills. Beginning of drill one, I looked at the timer, 12:27

oh shit. im so screwed.

Then I thought maybe I should stop paying attention to the timer and focus on my form! my technique! must focus!

....

5 minutes later...


*pant*fuck.*pant* this is hard *pant*

Then we stopped for water, praise God.

and then she said "ok. when you are ready, just start paddling and that will let me know we are ready to move on."

at which point everyone grabbed their paddles and started rowing

and i thought "damnit. you fit people" and shook my fist in my head.

Then we started what she called a "Pyramid"

basically you start out paddling for 1 stroke then you do a rev up stroke, then you hit it as hard as you can for 1 stroke, then paddle for 10 seconds, then paddle for 2 strokes, rev up stroke, hit it hard for 2 strokes... til you got to 10.

Stroke 8 on Rep #10 is when the paddle...


...flew out of my hands...


... and slammed into the wheel...

heh. oopsy.

Some people looked back, most were focused on being hardcore. I love those hardcore people for not adding to my embarrassment.

Anyway. then we did like weight lifting with the paddle, some more drills, then up to do squats then down again for drills.

and then, blissful stretching.

and then it was ovah.

HA HA! Holy shit! I made it through!

Aside from my legs feeling like jello and being able to feel every single muscle in my back, I felt fabulous.

I got my shake from the juice bar and walked outta there victorious!

[cue the rocky anthem]

Man. I felt so good last night.

Today. not so much *wince*

holy crap my body hurts. Im sore in the weirdest places. But thats ok dude, I went to the gym and I worked. I worked hard. and I have the soreness to prove it.

Thank you mr. carpool man and other friends who are beginning/in their quest to get fit and healthy. You all have inspired me to follow in your footsteps.

Now, just to keep with it. hmm..

Merry Groundhog Day!

God Bless the Groundhog.

*happy sigh*

Free Hugs!

First of all, this is friggin awesome.

and second, I immediately thought of my little kegOfSunshine and her ability to squeeze love right into you with her hugs ;)

hey sunshine, let's go do this!

also, thanks to BT for showin me this.

God, this makes me all smiley and weepy.

anyone else get teary? no? yeah me either *cough*

Fuck! It's Cold!

I actually tried other words and phrases for the title...

"It's Friggin Cold!", which... meh.

"HOLY COLD BATMAN" completely overused by the Author if you ask me

"HOLY MOTHER ITS COLD"... not bad not bad

but I mean. "FUCK! It's Cold!" its...its perfection, sorry.

also, "FUCK! It's Cold Bitches!" also works but slightly over the top, no?

Annnywayyyy.

I have to say that I was probably one of the few who was not complaining when it was like, I dunno SIXTY FIVE DEGREES IN JANUARY. God, that was indeed blissful I must say. And Christmas? at 50 something degrees? WHATS WRONG WITH THAT? Seems perfectly normal to me.

But now. The whiners have won, and it is FUCK.ING. COLD. OUTSIDE! Man. I even have to wear a goddamn coat.

That right there is the worst part. I hate coats. I hate driving while wearing a coat. However, a coat does keep me warm so... there's that.

Lately, I have been having this weird body temperature control issue where IM COLD ALL THE DAMN TIME. Like teeth chattering cold.

Monday, when I came home from work. I sat down in my coat, gloves and scarf ... AND WAS COLD. I sat like that for a good while. Mind you, I was INSIDE the house...ya know... where the heater is on!

Right now, I have my space heater ON my desk FACING ME. It could possibly melt my right side of my face and probably my shoulder. But I? right now? IM COLD STILL. Yet? My ear might melt off. Seriously, I touched my ear and my earrings burnt my hand.

Oh. Speaking of hands. I am developing a bowling callouse on my left thumb.

How sexy am I now? *prance*

I saw this on another blog (haha! a mommyblog too!) and I am totally buying one right now.

So back to me being cold. (cuz really, it is such an interesting topic) I have been going through this routine with my space heater at work. Where I'm all hovering around it, chattering my teeth until I go... hey! I should try some coffee or somethin'! Then I brave the cold hallways and acquire hot chocolate (because I change my mind. I'm allowed.) and then I sit back down and cup both hands around the steaming cup of chocolatey goodness and blow on it and take sips and burn the crap out of my tongue. But! It's ok! It is for a greater cause than my ability to taste! Once I am done, I start doing a bit of work and then I realize...

HOLY CRAP ITS HOT IN HERE! TURN OFF THAT DAMN HEATER!

Then 10 minutes later.

MOTHERF(#*)$)#@(*$)@ NOW ITS COLD.

.... All. Day. Long.

and no, I am not anemic.

I've discussed this with a few people and they sorta look at me like I have no eyebrows and then go "well, maybe you are getting sick?!?"

which! aha! people! don't you know! I AM NOT GETTING SICK THIS WINTER! NO WAY! NO HOW! NUH UH NOT ME! NO SIR!

NO REALLY! I made a pact with myself even! And! The last time I called in sick was September. SEPTEMBER! I cannot break this streak of mine. I will not allow it.

Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta go get my coffee hot chocolate and get this party started.

Proof that I am on the wrong friggin coast...

So a friend mentioned that Rage Against the Machine was gonna reunite for some concert, and I was all "pffffffft. I'll believe when I see it."

and lo!
Rage Against the Machine will reunite for Cochella
[cue the angels singing]

(I'm also a day late on this but hey. I was snowed in! heh)

But. Guess where that is? Califrickinfornia!

man. *pout*

well there's bound to be some CD's cut from it and BELIEVE YOU ME they will end up in my hot little hands.

I hope anyway.

oh!oh! there will be a DVD!

whew.

though, hey! I dont see RATM in the "performers include" list. wtf?!

wow, check that lineup. Hey uhhh... anyone wanna go to Cali?

heh.

I'm only half kidding.

P.S. I do so enjoy incomplete sentences.

wussy.

So, yesterday, ya know when it was all like OMG ICEY!!! EEEK!... You remember?

I stayed my ass at home, tyvm *bow*

However, most everybody else at work? Went to work. So I feel slightly like a dumbass but I am not letting it affect me... much *cough*

Earlier this morning, I saw that my boss called me. So I quickly applied my make-up and straightened myself out as if I gotten to work that way (pshaw!) and scurried over to her office. Turns out she just wanted to have mexican with me. BTW? Have I mentioned ever my love and simultaneous snobbery of mexican food? Like it has to be a certain kind of mexican for me to even consider it. But I could probably eat mexican every single stinkin day of my life. And I pretty much did when I was in San Antonio *happy sigh*

uhhh..

oh right! So anyway, we talked a little and I was all "yeah sorry, Im a wussy when it comes to ice" As if I havent been working here for the last decade and she has no idea who I am.

and she was all "yeah hehe, I pretty much expect it from you, [team member], and [other team member]... and that's ok! It is all about what you are comfortable with!"

dude, did she just backhand me?

maybe it was the "yeah, I pretty much expect that from you" bit that made me all "WTF!" and fidgety.

I know she didn't mean it the way I took it, but well I am a girl and I overthink things.

oh so! back to the ice.

So yesterday, BF and I went outside to shovel stuff. (i.e., he shovels and I tilt my head and go "but! what about over here? *points*). What? Okokok. I helped him clean off my car. god.

WHAT!?!

Ice scares me and it was everywhere! *sniffle*

Anyway. So I made him put down some sand where I would be walking the next morning cuz I knew the stuff that was now water was gonna refreeze--the thing I hate most about winter and virginia is the flippin ice. So I sorta made this big deal about it. I was all stressy last night about slipping and being a general moron.

This morning, I carefully walk to my car and guess what. I didn't slip! not once! I'd like to say it was because of my insistence with the sand. But I am guessing it really wasn't as bad as it was in my head.

Driving on my street however? Let's just say skating is fun! Was fine once I got off our street though. So glad we are paying for people to clear our snow. They do such a fine job. *cough*

I'd say I'm gonna move back to San Antonio, but! IT SNOWS THERE TOO NOW.

friggin el nino.

Confessions of a blank mind

or. Another excuse to make a list!

There's a few thing I have been keeping from you...

I know, I know. I shouldn't do it and it is very hurtful to you but I just couldn't tell you these things. BELIEVE ME this hurts me more than it hurts you.

wait.

what?

Oh. Yeah so, I've got some secrets and I am finally willing to share but shshshshsh cuz this is top secret stuff.

• I LOVE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE DAMNIT. There. I said it. and SNICKER IF YOU MUST but he is the bees knees dude. the BEES. KNEES. I mean C'MON. How can you possibly resist. Also? Love that song. Doesn't matter what sort of mood I am in, when it comes on... I... I just have to wiggle it.


• AMERICAN IDOL SLAYS ME. The first season I was all "I'm just gonna watch the auditions cuz pssssssssh that's the only funny part *hair toss*" Second and third seasons, I forgot completely. Fourth season, I remembered again and vowed to only watch the auditions because, god. the rest of it so so lame *rolls eyes* and then Constantine happened and I was sucked in. What? It wasn't my fault! Who can resist that grin! WHO. And season 5. oh my goodness season 5. There was Ace *dreamy sigh*. And like, Chris Daughtry and his shiney little head *swoon*. I mean, look how he grips that microphone *pant*

hang on, I need a moment. ahem.

• How'd this get to be all about boys anyway?


• I READ PEOPLE AND US WEEKLY. I EVEN HAVE SUBSCRIPTIONS. OK!?! OK! god.


• I watch The O.C. and Grey's Anatomy and Gilmore Girls. And I get really really excited when these shows come on. At the end of each show, I'm all "WHAT!?!?!! THATS IT! )(#*)$(@*#)(*@)#($*@" as if I didn't already know that they do that shit on purpose


• I LOVE award shows. I really could care LESS who won what. I'm all about who is wearing what and who is with WHOM and dude... did you hear about this? poor lil fella :(


• The other day bf was checking out his mp3's to figure out which ones to put on his shuffle he got from santa. He would play like a couple seconds of a song and I would sing some lyrics from it. I ROCKED THAT GAME. I fancy myself something of a song knower...type...person? Whats the friggin word for that!?. My co-worker, however, would disagree since he knows WAY MORE THAN I DO. But thats really irrelevant *cough*


• I like making lists. Shocked arentcha.


• PUSSYCAT DOLLS ALSO MAKE ME WIGGLE IT (just a lil bit)


• I also think the lead singer of The Deftones, Chino Moreno is smokin hot. And his band rules too.


• I used to be such a fan of Lost but they've successfully drained all interest from my brain. CAN THEY JUST GET RESCUED ALREADY!?! God. And Why doesnt the big dude lose any weight!?! Tom Cruise did! WTF?! At least try to be accurate.


• Oh yeah, I'm back to not hating T.V. anymore


• I like Marilyn Manson. I DONT CARE IF THATS OK WITH YOU OR NOT. I LIKES HIM.


• Rage Against the Machine is probably my all time favorite band. But they broke up *sniffle*


• Now I am on a music tangent


• Also? The Mars Volta? I'm digging them lots n lots. See how I even out the Timberlake/Pussycat dolls thing?


• My sophmore year in high school, I became a country music fan. It was due to the fact that I started dating a "kicker" and well...I dunno I'm stupid. I can listen to country now, if forced. But I don't choose it.


• "Kicker" - a dude/chick who wears boots, big belt buckle and wranglers. And generally just looks like they either just left the rodeo or are going to it.***


• Oh Speaking of rodeos, my first date with this said "kicker"? At the rodeo in San Antonio for a Reba McIntyre concert. Pretty much shoving that shit down my throat from the start. Also, I might've said I liked country music to get his attention *cough*. but thats really just an ugly rumor. *fidget*

I could keep going but I should maybe do some work now.

*** We have a name for them see cuz...CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, not ALL Texans are cowboys and we don't ride around on friggin horses on our dirt roads.

.... we use our john deere tractor. :P

I am feeling the need to add more cuz! I forgot some stuff! and we can't have that!

• I read "mommyblogs" eventhough I am not a mommy. They are some funny chicks man. FUN.NY.


• I love dave matthews band with all my heart. Maybe I am a hippy. so what. (I'm not though. no really.)


• I should do a top ten band list. oohhh! okokok Ill do that.

[/end retardoness ;) ]

A Cast of Characters...

So since I am now an old hand at this here bowling league business, I have had plenty of time to sit and observe the wide-array of bowling personalities on our league, and I thought I would share my insights.

Cuz I'm a giver. I give. I GIVE!

The Bowling Pins: (Snappy name, no? The creativity. It boggles the mind, I know.)

1. The "WHATEVER I DONT CARE" Bowler: I, myself fall into this category. This is the person who acts all "pssssssssh whatever, gutterball, I don't care. IM HERE FOR FUN PEOPLE! FUN! And by the end of the 3rd game they're all "GODDAMNIT (@#U*$(*#@&(!@*&$(@!&$*@!(&!@($*&!@$( THATS IT! IM DONE WITH THIS BOWLING SHIT!!!! #(*@$&#(*$&#@()" ahem. This type of bowler is good on occassion, but generally just sucks out loud at bowling *bow*.


2. The "launch the ball down the lane" Bowler: This is the guy (normally, it is a dude. However, we do have a few female launchers too) who cups the ball in his forearm, fingers BARELY in the holes, and he sort of runs up the lane and THROWS the ball. Now, it may or may not hit the wood prior to hitting the pins. But, believe you me. He will show those pins who's boss.


3. The "I TAKE THIS WAY TOO SERIOUSLY" Bowler: This person may or may not own their own ball. They will, however, have one of those braces on their wrist and they don't tend to smile a whole lot. There's no smiling in bowling! are you crazy! THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS! This is the person who bowls, doesnt get a strike, turns around to the crowd with a combo pissed off/shocked look on their face. Say a few explicatives, and stomp off the wood. They continue to be pissy all.night.long. When they do get a strike, they're all "FINALLY. GOD." Lovely people to be around.


4. The "I KNOW WAY MORE THEN A PERSON SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BOWLING" Bowler: These people discuss their "strategy" when it is not their turn to bowl. The watch others bowl intently and they discuss it WITH ANYONE WHO MIGHT HAVE MADE THE MISTAKE OF MAKING EYE CONTACT ACCIDENTALLY. They discuss the level of oil on the lanes, or lack thereof. They usually own MORE THAN ONE BALL. These balls are for various occassions, including the level of oil previously mentioned. They are lighthearted about bowling in general but are veryveryveryvery hard on themselves when they do not get a strike OR SOMETIMES when they get a strike but its one of those where theres one pin left and it decides to fall at the last minute cuz THATS NOT A REAL STRIKE. They always say "Well, I'll take it!" When they do not make a strike, however, you can see them whispering explicatives to themselves as they walk off the lane and telling themselves how much they suck. They sit down and proceed to mull over what went wrong until the next time. When they can avenge themselves.


5. The "Pre-celebrator, celebrator" Bowler: This person is so confident in their bowling skills, that as soon as the ball has left their fingertips they immediately start cheering and patting themselves on the back. This works nicely when they get a strike, but there are times, when a strike just was not in the cards. When this happens, they turned around to the group shocked! WHAT THE! DID YOU SEE THAT CRAP!?!!?! This does not, however, stop him from doing this each and every time he bowls.


6. The "kicker" Bowler: This dude is usually a pretty good bowler. Probably a combination of several of the above, but as an added bonus after hey throws the ball he stands and stares and waits. When the ball hits the pins, this dude does some sort of kick or arm pump simultaneously with the strike. Now this becomes funny because he does it every single time--regardless of whether it is a strike or not. When it is not a strike, he turns around, defeated. This is makes me chuckle a little. I DONT KNOW WHY. Or maybe I'm just evil and jealous of good bowlers.


7. The "tantrum throwing" bowler:This is the guy or girl who, after the pins have fallen unsatisfactorily either stomps or yells, etc. They also tend to blame the bowling gods, and say things like "WHAT ELSE CAN I DO!?!" They are usually mediocre bowlers.


8. The "Damn I'm good" Bowler: This bowler is in fact, an excellent bowler. And they know it. They bowl, do the "yes" motion with their arm (elbow bent, hand in fist, fist to side of body--you know what im saying), and then they non-chalantly spin around with a grin on their face and modestly walk back to their seat. Perhaps slapping a few high-fives on his way back. He doesn't need to be dramatic see. cuz he IS INDEED THE AWESOMEST. EVAH.


9. The "I bowl with my eyes wide-shut" Bowler: I don't know if this can be considered a category because I have only seen one person do this but I am running out of categories and I am almost to 10 pins (#@#()*)!(* ahem. Anyway. This person grabs her ball, walks up to her chosen position. Brings the ball up to her nose. and then closes her eyes and, I'm guessing, "visualizes" the pins and her strike. She proceeds to walk and throw the ball WITH HER EYES STILL CLOSED. This works for her about 3/4 of the time. She also wears a wrist guard. heh.


10. The "IM THROWING THE BALL SO HARD THAT I LOOK LIKE IM GONNA BITE IT" Bowler: This guy is usually a good bowler. His "approach" leaves something to be desired (I should talk) and slides before he releases the ball. Once he releases the ball his body goes all awry and he catches himself before he falls. flat. on. his ass. I have yet to see one of these bowlers actually fall, but I always wince when I see them bowl. Also? Falling on the lane? One of my secret fears :( So when I slide, my heart drops to my stomach. every.single.time. You'd think I would get used to it by now. But no, I am a weirdo. No shock there, I suppose.

And there you have it! Don't you feel more educated now?

oh look! a story about the grocery store!

how CLEVER!

shush ;)

So I went to the grocery store on Saturday afternoon, I had a list and duh, I bought shit.

Here's the funny part.

So I am in line, piling all my stuff onto the conveyor belt making sure everything is in its proper category:

Produce
Refrigerated Items
Frozen
Boxed Stuff
cans/jars
bread/eggs

It's a brilliant system, you should try it.

Anyway! So this couple comes up behind me and the conversation goes something like:

Girl: This is the only open regular lane...we could go over there to the self-checkout?

Dude: Nah, we have a lot of stuff and knowing us something will go screwy and we will have to wait and *sigh* no lets stay here.

[This is where I feel eyes staring at the back of my head] I look up and smile cuz "WHAT THE FUCCCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT PEOPLE."

The dude looks at his cart which is just as full as mine and starts to get twitchy. He cranes his neck to see the progress in the self-checkout lanes.

I continue putting my stuff on the belt (YAH. I BOUGHT LOTS).

He comes scurrying back.

Dude: Let's go over there, its open.

Girl: hooonnnneeey noooooooooooooooooooooo. Look! the light is blinking! We will have to wait forever. Plus! we have produce! How do we ring that up?

Dude: You just put it on the scale and choose crap on the monitor (he's in IT I bet).
[and then he begins to tell this story about how he went to "Wally World" to get "TORE TILLAS" and he bought 1 of something but it said he bought 2 and he couldnt figure out how to take it back so he flipped the switched for assistance and he waited forever so he went over to another line and checked out and left]

Girl: *blink* What's that got to do with anything?

Me Inside: AHAHAHAHAHAA

Dude: Oh. Uh... nothin' Hey cmon let's go over there.

Girl: honnneeeey noooooooooooo cmon lets just stay here.

Dude: Cmon!

I look up and give her one of those "I feel your pain sister" smiles and she gives me one of those "ugggggghhhh men" smiles and sighs and off she went.

So I checkout and put the crap in the car. I'm driving down the parking lot and who do I see coming out of the grocery store?

The dude and the girl.

She kicked him and pointed at me and I just smiled.

I feel your pain sister, I feel ya.

Uninspired...

Each and every single day I keep my eyes peeled for something funny to happen...something BLOGWORTHY. So far I've got nothin'. I feel like I should be posting though cuz MY PUBLIC IS WAITING WITH BATED BREATH for a new post!

no really ;)

Which is completely amusing to me cuz I know like *counts on fingers* eight ... er nine! NINE WHOLE PEOPLE WHO READ MY BLOG.

I also know every single person in real life! ohhhhhhhhhhh wait! TWELVE! holy shit dude im a supahstah! DOUBLE DIGITS!

ahem. anyway what was my point.

oh wait I didnt have one. See, this here is like a Seinfeld episode because it is a post about nothing and is funny! OK so only half like a Seinfeld episode (meanie).

I will say that I am digging El Nino, even though its ruining the planet and blah blah blah...its friggin WARM and I LIKES IT. I found myself grumbling under my breath the other day when I had to *gasp* scrape my window one morning.

Hello Trish, its Winter!

I think my problem is that I didn't grow up with snow (south texas...not so much with the white stuff being ya know, in the southern tip of the country and all) and therefore snow scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

I dunno what to do! How do I drive in it! What about walking! and WHAT--god forbid I should ever get stuck somewheres--do I do to get myself like... unstuck! Do I roll the car back and forth or like press down on the gas and bury myself deeper. what! WHAT! WHHHHAAAT! Tell me what to do! I dunno!

Also. Also! ALSO! What about when you get into a spin--im told you are supposed to turn the wheel the opposite way and let off the gas but dont brake. WTF IS THAT ABOUT. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THAT? I dunno what my knee-jerk reaction would be to that situation anyway cuz it hasnt happened yet (knock on wood), but I'm fairly certain it wouldn't be THAT.

I am an excellent driver.

Anyway, so my theory is this: had I grown up in snow, this wouldn't be so foreign to me. But I have TRACTION CONTROL so I got nothin' to worry about right? RIGHT?! Right.

Though maybe that theory is a bunch of crap cuz surely SOMEONE in NOVA was brought up in some snowy part of the country. Yet theres a plethora (I did NOT have to look that one up, tyvm!) of accidents on snowy days and serious traffic cuz people are stupid. and also, probably just as scared shitless as I. This is why I try to stay home, or let someone else drive on these days.

You are welcome.

oh...P.S. OH NO! :( Have I mentioned I love Mr. Timberlake? And have since his boyband days. and IM PROUD OF IT! Wait shshshshs use your inside voice! People can hear you! heh.

Dear everyone,

The girl you see in the car? Waving her hands around and yelling at no one with her windows up? Thats not me. No no no, I mean it is me it's just not who I imagine my non-smoker self being.

Yet on the way to drop my poor little kegOfSunshine at home friday mid-morning you could hear me saying:

"go. go! GO! GOOOO! FUUUUUUUUUUCKING GOOOO!!!!!" while wildly flashing my lights cuz FREAKING GO ALREADY DONT YOU SEE ME STOPPING FOR HALF A SECOND TO LET YOU IN.

I need some goddamn yoga or something.

sheesh.

The funny thing is? As sooon as I did that, kegOfSunshine looks over at me in her pain and extreme nausea and busts out with "HAHAHAHAHAAHA"

which made me realize how ridiculous I am being.

After dropping her off, I put the Squizz on and did my best to not pay attention to ALL THE GODDAMN IDIOTS ON THE ROAD.

WHY CANT YOU OPERATE YOUR VEHICLE PERFECTLY LIKE ME!

GOD.

hey, at least im not smoking though. Count your friggin lucky stars damnit.

xo,

Tricia

P.S. You are right, I should probably opt for a calmer, less angry XM Radio channel. But. I don't wanna. so suck it.

P.P.S. Yes, Ok, signing up for Yoga today.

durrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I have one day left until I am off for Christmas and it seems as though my brain went on Holiday like last friday...

Exhibits A through whatever:

A. I keep checking my xmas list of shopping still to do (yah. I said STILL TO DO), even though I have the stupid thing burned into my brain. I still go "wait, what is left again?" and read it. for the 32098203948203498203948203948th time.

B. The other day, a co-worker asked me if I wanted anything from Panera. I looked at him blankly (im guessing) and after I had him repeat it, I said "oh...n..no thank you!" Honestly all I heard him say the first time was "woh woh woh woh woh?" Charlie Brown teacher style. He asked me what the look was for and I said "Oh...that was tooooootally not what I was expecting you to say" Cuz I'm quick on my feet like that. *cough*

C. I have stared at my closet every evening this week for a minimum of 10 minutes going "sooooo... what should I wear tomorrow" and I sit on my bed, cock my head to the side and swing my legs back and forth like a complete idiot and stare at my closet as if clothes will magically fly out of it and make themselves into this spectacular outfit. I end up picking the same basic shit every week, why the bewilderment?

C. This past weekend, I was on a christmas cookie mission and baked and made candy and...whew...martha stewart would be proud, let me tell you. BF and I went to the store friday night to get everything I needed. I even had a list! and my recipes just in case I needed to double-check! and turns out! I needed to! Like twice! there was even a whole recipe THAT WAS NOT EVEN ON THE DAMN LIST. how the hell? I made this big deal about making the list and then i left whole cookie recipe ingredients off? nice. and also! I went back to the store once! and sent bf back again! AN HOUR LATER!

D. Ooops I did C twice. see what I mean?

E. I had to dictionary.com confusion cuz in Exhibit C (the first one) I originally wrote "why the perplexion" and its not even a friggin word as I had suspected. I then thesauresed (dont even tell me thats not a word either) "confusion" to get bewildered so I sound all smart. Only now I have revealed my secret. *sigh* dumbass.

F. I laid on my heating pad last night cuz my back huuuuuuuuuuuuurts, as I do when my... uhh... back hurts (makes sense no?) and I woke up this morning WITH.IT.STILL.ON. Weee!!! howz about a nice house fire to start the morning! Luckily nothing happened but doooode...thats not good!

G. WHAT THE HELL DAMN DAY IS IT DAMNIT. IS IT WEDNESDAY OR THURSDAY?!?! Thursday! No wait! Wednesday! Wait! ...God.

H. I made Chicken Tortilla Soup Monday night for a pot-luck lunch my team was having on Tuesday. As I poured the soup into the crock pot at work Tuesday morning, I realized I FORGOT THE TORTILLA PART. woopsy.

I. The longer I think about this the more I come up with...and I dunno if I need to reveal alllllll that today.

Luckily, I am not operating heavy machinery this week. Carpool, I love you the mostest!

The one where she complains about stuff...

I know...it's all very shocking and like new for me to be complaining *cough*

So in the middle of November, I ordered 4 new tires from tirerack.com to replace my dry-rotted orginal with car tires. Me, cheapass that I am, chose the shipping that was the cheapest which also had the tires backordered. They did not get shipped until just after Thanksgiving. Got the tires put on at a local garage the weekend following thanksgiving. The day the car was in the shop I received a call from the garage where they threw big manly words at me like "camber" and "caster" and "toe" to which I immediately began imagining a big foot on my car and thought "wtf?!"

Anyway, the way the dude explained it made it sound as if he did not have the tool to fix my right camber so I was going to have to pay $79 for this tool and $82 for the alignment.

to which i said "shhaaaa right!"

so I took my car home with brand new tires and a bum foot. It was when I called the dealership to figure out what the hell this mechanic was talking about that I finally understood: He needed to replace the bolt kit! It is a part! Not a tool! How hard is it to say shit like that? He kept referring to it as a "tool" and well. I dont pay for garage equipment. It's a little rule I have, call me crazy.

Last Saturday night, I drop my car off to get the camber shit fixed. I was told that it would be done by COB on sunday. cool.

Then I get a phone call mid-afternoon asking if they could have the car until tomorrow morning because the "general mechanics" do not have the experience to do this camber fix and they would like to wait until a specialized mechanic is available to work on it.

I say sure cuz I have blessed carpool and it is not my week to drive, so what's one more day?

Monday rolls around and I call when I get home from work cuz W.T.F. He then tells me that he will give me a call back after he talks to the mechanic to get an update.

He calls me back. They have NOT started working on the car but will start immediately.

I say "It will be done tonight I hope." and he says yes. He tells me to come at COB (7pm) to pick it up.

BF tells me I was rude. whatever. they have not worked on the car all.day.long. what kinna bullshit is that?

I call at 6:45 juuuuuuuuuuust to make sure. It isn't finished. they can't get it "to spec" and can they keep the car another day.

In my head: "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"
Outloud: Actually no, I need my car tomorrow to get to ...you know...work.

(I had to drive myself the next day, had doctors appointments to get to)

He told me I could take the car and asked me to return it as soon as possible.

I asked him "so its ok to drive on it half aligned?!"

he says "I think so"

I say "You think? or you know"

he says "yeah yeah no its fine"

in my head: "im gonna be driving down 95 and a wheel falls off...just watch"

So I pick up the car.

Fast forward to the next morning when I am getting out of the car at work.

There is grease on.my.door.interior.AND.on.the.exterior.

I whisper a few explicatives to myself and then call later in the morning when the garage opens. Phone call went something like:

Garage: "Thanks for calling alsdkjldskfjslkfdthsodf auto care, this is Adam, How may I help you?"
Me: "Hi Adam, Listen I've got a bit of a problem, and I want to know how you are going to make it better."
Adam: chuckles. [Really? thats the first move you wanna make? Laughing at an angry customer? Excellent move.]
Me: [this is where I tell the story. I didnt feel it necessary to repeat...this shit is already long enough] "...and now there's grease on the interior AND exterior of my car."
Adam: "Well ma'am I do apologize, I do not know what is going on with the alignment and I'd like to see this grease that you are talking about. We have upholstery cleaner, so we can clean that."
me: "oookkaaay...."
Adam: "How about I give you the oil change and the alignment free of charge, does that work for you"
Me: [Jaw on floor] "Umm..Ye..Yes. That works"
Me Inside: HOLLLLY SHIT!
Adam: "when will you be dropping the car off?"
Me: "I don't get back into the area until 430/445 so probably 5 or so"
Adam: "OK well I won't be here at 5, but I will inform the assistant manager"
Me: [begin paranoia] "Uh huh...ok"

So I begin to think about how they are gonna screw me and say that they have no idea what I am talking about and can I please fork over the $200 already and shut the hell up.

But no, that didn't happen. The dude knew exactly what I was talking about and even said "I was here on Sunday when this was supposed to be completed"

Me Inside: "Really? So why didnt you work on the shit then. god."
Me Outside: "Oh really?"
Him: "yeah I dunno why it isnt fixed"
me Inside: Me either jackass, me either.
me outside: silence.

k so that was tuesday night.

receive a call wednesday morning telling me how my battery has died and they need to replace it. Batteries normally pull 600 something and mine was pulling 11. They will not charge me for labor, just the battery.

me: "ok so what will my new total be?"
adam: "$89.00--thats the cost of the battery."
me: "oh but I thought I was paying for the bolt kit for the camber too"
adam: "No I am not charging you for that"
me: [Jaw on floor] "ok, go ahead and replace it"
adam: "i will give you a call later and let you know when your car is ready"
me: "okie dokie"

fast forward (heh) to wednesday afternoon.

Adam calls and tells me that the car starts now but wont stay on and the key fob no longer works, the door locks do not work and some other crap doesnt work. They cannot figure it out so they are gonna have my car towed to the dealership so they can fix whatever is wrong. He is going to issue me a rental car in the meantime.

Dealership tells me that my BCM is blown and needs to be replaced. That'll be $531.

Me: "I'm sorry...WHAT!"
Dealership: I see you have had this replaced before, November of 2003
Me: So the car was a little over a year old when it was replaced the first time?
Dealership: seems to be that way...
Me: So help me out here. How does a major electrical module go out in a basically new car TWICE in 4 years?
Dealership: I dunno... maybe the garage jumped the car and thats when the BCM blew
Me: yeah uh huh. Cuz thats a normal thing a garage would do. Jump a car before testing the damn battery.
Dealership: It is hard to prove...
Me: there's a shocker [yes i am being rude, this is friggin ridiculous]"

so i call corporate customer service to like complain cuz wtf!

I got a call this morning. They will replace the BCM Module, all I am responsible for is labor...$180.

Hey, thats better than $531.

shew.

What's funny is that just a few years ago I would have never fought and would have just paid and curled up in a little ball and wimpered.

Not so bad this growing up bidness.

So I called the garage just a minute ago to give them a courtesy update on what the deal is with the car. After much apologizing and kissing my ass I was informed that THE ALIGNMENT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN FINISHED.

Im expecting a call later today when they find out.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!>?!

Oi...

So guess what? I'm getting old :(

I know I know we are all doing it, shush. I get that. It is just that I am just recently noticing the lovely tell tell signs and today is the icing on the cake. And I wanna whine about it *pout* I'm not all OMG! IMA FREAK THE HELL OUT NOW cuz...well I dunno why. But lets just go with it.

The said "tell tell signs":

1. Like a year ago, I was looking in the mirror putting my hair up. When I was done, I turned my head from side to side like I do to admire my handywork (this shit takes talent people!) and a odd piece of light color hair type looking thing was sticking straight out of the side of my head (insert *booiinnnggg* sound effect here). So I was all WTF!?! and I tugged at it and leaned forward in the mirror and squinted and then my eyes widened with the realization that HOLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE SHIT THATS A GRAY HAIR (p.s. grey/gray?). I then proceeded to redo the updo to hide this new revelation. Didn't work. That little punk sticks out every single time. I wear my hair down lots more often now.


2. Kids of co-workers/fellow employees are now in college. COLLEGE!?!?! Holy Shit dude, these kids were in like middle school when I first met em. My bosses son? Yah. IN THE MILITARY NOW. holy crap. I remember riding in the car with her and her two boys were sitting in the back as we skated along I-81 one winter evening. I remember thinking how intelligent they were for being so young and so well behaved. THE MILITARY people! gah.


3. "laugh lines" or whatever the hell you want to call them have now a permanent spot on my face. No. kidding. I noticed it the other day. When I watched myself go from smile to no smile, lines about the nose and mouth were still there. awesome.


4. My hip pops when I get in and out of BF's acura. I dunno if thats a sign of old and crickety but it sure sounds like it to me.


5. I NOW HAVE TO WEAR GLASSES 24/7. :( I used to wear glasses for the computer to reduce the headaches and the squinting and the smooshin my nose up to the monitor. A month or two ago I started noticing that I was having to squint to see street signs. Big Ass signs, billboards, whatever were B L U R R Y all of a sudden. So then I went to optometrist in nov and lo! I got a new prescription shock of all shocks. I went to day to get the lenses cut to my current frames (cuz im a cheap ass) and I am now having some issues with these "progressive lenses" Ya. thas right. I got trifocles! No need to be slow about the degrading eyesight, full speed ahead I always say! gah.


6. Oh yeah, I turn 30 in months. MONTHS! Full Speed Ahead! Yar! (I missed talk like a pirate day, matey.)

On a side note, these progressive lenses are really screwing with me.

and also ... Oi. :(


**Update:
addition to tell tell signs:

1. I see the chiropractor at least once a week. Make no mistake though, I love every second of it. *happy sigh*
2. I'M IN A BOWLING LEAGUE -- that just sounds old don't it? I now own BOWLING SHOES.
3. I recover from hangovers veeeeeeeeeeery slowly now.
4. Going to bed at 11:00 PM is late for me--though it is a common occurrence.
5. Waking up at 8am on saturday morning is also a common occurrence. I go back to sleep though cuz well CUZ I CAN!

Seriously, I feel like im looking through a fishbowl with these glasses. Apparently blinking aides in eyesight focus, because I am finding myself blinkling LOTS this afternoon.