Boo! ...and stuff

I never was big on halloween. Yeah, dressing up was cool. Candy was pretty sweet...

but. the like. scary stuff...

holeeeeeeeeee moleeeyyyyy on a stick!

I am such a total chicken. No, really. I mean...umm...The Blair Witch Project scared the ever-loving bejesus out of me! Just now? When I went to retrieve the link, the sound came on and I had to scurry over to that page to close it! cuz! OMG! SCARY STILL! When I saw it for the first time, the ending made the hairs on my arms stand on end, the blood rush from my face and I umm kinda SCREAMED LOUDLY IN THE THEATRE. oopsy heh. I didnt move until the lights went on. My friends were...

LAUGHING AT ME :(

meanies.

and yet, when K told me about this haunted forest thing, I was all.... oh hell no!

and then a day or so later, I was all...WE SHOULD GO! WE SHOULD GO!

wtf?

There is the rumor about how a week or so after watching the movie, said Chicken Shit was having a nice peaceful, relaxing smoke outside before bed. When she came back in, the house was all super dark. Instead of maybe, I dunno, TURNING A LIGHT ON, Chicken Shit proceeded to run from the door to the stairs. She did this so quickly, that when she reached the middle landing she ran right into a big ass plant. She immediately thought of Blair Witch and the trees (and it totally made sense to her too...cuz now? not so much). So guess what she did?

yah, thats right. She SCREAMED at the top of her lungs and continued running straight to her room.

Her mom came into her room and was all "WTF was that ya weirdo" (she really said "you ok? what happened!!?!?!" but I know what she meant by the look on her face). Chicken shit then tried to explain, but just as it seems now, she heard herself talking and immediately realized how just utterly weird she really is.

...but it's just a rumor *cough*

dooooooooooode.

So this morning I was visiting my daily blogs. It's a long list too. I'll make a list one day!* Anyway, so I get to my 5th one (yah, no I was serious, theres like at least 20 I read daily) and theres this talk of "Blopping" and I clickity click the link cuz..wtf is blopping?!!?

and lo!

It's a friggin competition of sorts!

I loves me a good competition! Unless it involves running, cuz then...not so much.

Anyway, So I have entered myself in it.

wanna know what it is?

Tis NaBloPoMo a'course!

...hang on a sec, I just realized the depth of my geekyness.

wow.

did i mention that i also purchased this to help me in my endeavor?

no?

k well nevermind then *cough*

that tshirt is pretty sweet though.

Phew! and also Aww Damnit!

"Your jury service for this term has ended. You are no longer required to report as previously instructed and need not call for any further instructions. We thank you for serving as a juror in the United States District Court."

Hot diggity dog!/*kicks the ground with her shoe* hmph. Woulda been cool to have been a juror on a murder case or something equally as glittery and oh la la.

I am thankful though for missing the opportunity of spending a kazillion hours quality time on 95.

Facing Fear

I voluntarily attended a training session at work regarding presentations and like public speaking.

First, let me just say. Holy crap! I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate public speaking. it scares the bejesus out of me. I get all hot in the face region which I am sure means I am a nice shade of magenta, my hands get shaky, my voice cracks. I lose the ability to speak coherently. I forget what Im supposed to be saying. I forget my name! I start to think everyone is looking at me like I am a big fat idiot.

and. I apparently black out.

cuz. I dont remember a single thing I said.

lemme back up a little...

after the "training" part of this session, we were sent away for 30 minutes to think about what we had just learned and try to apply it to a presentation about anything.

anything? come on! gimme some friggin parameters!

So I decide to talk about How I quit smoking (btw! 55 days! and those that were witness to my handful of weak moments...shut it. The reason why I can still say 55 days with pride is because even though i trip up, I go right back to not smoking. k. thx.)

anyway. so I get back to the session kinda late. and people are doing their presentations already. I sit down and I start to like...get insanely nervous.

after a few presentations, I raise my hand.

and then immediately think "oh you stupid bitch! wtf are you doing!"

but oops too late.

so i fumble with the mic cuz I've never messed with any such contraption (aside from karaoke, but thats for another time).

I then begin my presentation by telling my audience that I will be speaking about How I quit smoking.

which is unexpectedly received with applause.

I then poll the audience of smokers...

and I couldn't tell ya who raised their hands or what I said after that. I have my outline of what I was supposed to say. but I uhh...dont remember. any of it.

Miliseconds Minutes later, the torture was over and I got to sit down. Phew. Which, coincidentally, was right about the time that I began to breathe again.

OK so, let's review: I volunteered!

What the fuck! Who does that? Meeting fears head on like that? Certainly not me! I run! I hide! I...volunteer? What's with the courage? shew, I am so proud of myself.

also, i received quite a number of compliments. Which made me float just a little bit today ;)

All in all, me and Ice Cube think it was a good day.

A Call to Arms

alright, not really. It's just jury duty for cripes sake.

*eyeroll* she can be soooooooooooo dramatic sometimes.

pipe down over there.

Anyway! So yah it is my turn to fulfill my civic duty and am "on call" for Jury Duty for the next two weeks, which is awesome. Now, I'm not a total control freak or anything but I HATE NOT KNOWING UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE WHAT IM DOING THE NEXT DAY.

okokok after 6pm isnt exactly last minute, but still!

So I made my first call friday evening, all giddy-worried about the logistics of getting to frickin Alexandria by 0830 in the morning from the frickin hood (pwc esse!) without, you know, shooting myself in the head from sitting in traffic for a bazillion years, while at the same time really excited about the prospect of being on the jury of a murder case for like some mafia guy or something. Cuz this is for U.S. District Court bitches! Prime Time Baby!

....I obviously watch too much tv...

anyway so I was not needed on Monday which was a relief and a disappointment all at once.

Fast forward to last night, I am ironing my clothes thinking about what I have to do at work tomorrow when the thought struck me, "HEY STUPID! Hows about you check on your jury duty reporting status!" and then my stomach drops. Cuz, im way too paranoid for my own good and OMG! It's too late to call my carpool if I am called in and HOLYSHIT NOW WHAT DO I DO???!?!

I figure probably the best thing to start off with would be

I dunno...

like CALL THE DAMN NUMBER AND FIND OUT IF YOU ARE NEEDED FIRST BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR SHIT FOR NO REASON.

so i did ;)

and I got the SAME EXACT MESSAGE FROM FRIDAY. In which it told me to please call after 6pm the following business day, Monday, 16 October to check what my new reporting status will be.

The little hamsters in my head start running around and I go "but! it is Monday! OMG! They didnt update the message! So I hang up and redial cuz OF COURSE THEY WILL UPDATE THE MESSAGE IN THE NEXT MINUTE.

and whaddya know! same message!

so I call back a couple more times

hi. im an idiot. nice to meetcha!

so then i decide that they are probably not going to be at the office at 8:30pm (after I tried calling the office twice), and my head is pounding really loud and my ear feels like its gonna fall off so perhaps I should go to bed and I will call tomorrow morning.

Did I mention that I have a swollen gland in my neck and the pain is radiating to my inner ear, my jaw, my teeth and it hurts when i turn my neck?

no? well nevermind. Im ignoring it too! Sick! Me! NO! NOT FUCKING AGAIN! NO! NOOOOOOOO!

ahem. anyway...

I get to work and call the number again (AFTER I had called immediately upon getting into carpool vehicle cuz! they totally would have updated by now, I mean its 6:45AM!)

and whaddya know! same message.

So I pass the time by reading through the crap they sent me, cuz occupying my mind with doing actual work at work is just silly, and I get to this part:

Is jury service mandatory?
Yes. The United States Constitution guarantees the right to a trial by jury in both criminal and civil cases. Your participation as a juror helps make justice happen. Also, the consequences of not reporting for jury service are severe. You could be escorted to the courthouse by a deputy U.S. marshal to explain to a judge why youdid not report. You also could be fined up to $100 or imprisoned for up to three days or both.

This is right about the time I start to lose my shit. I'm all "Oh fuck! Well I... Well I would tell the judge that the message wasn't updated. Yeah, that'll work." and then I thought "but HOW WOULD I PROVE IT!" and then i thought about calling it again and recording the message.

I wish I was kidding.

0828 rolls around and I jump on the phone. cuz im impatient.

Guy gets on phone, I explain my neuroses, he asks me for my name and puts me on hold for a jillion years (yes ok not really, shut-up). He comes back and asks me to spell my last name and he says "ok, just call back tonight after 6pm"

and I say... "ok so im good for today!?!?!"

which. jesus christ tricia.

he says "yes, you are fine."

and then I say "ok so the messag..."

to which he responds quickly with "yes, it wasn't updated."

phew.

no troopers comin to escort me to the courthouse today. I can rest easy.

until 6pm tonight anyway ;)

The Weekend Get Away

This weekend, the BF and I headed to the hills of West Virginia for some alone time, togetherness, nature...

and to get our greedy mitts on some free shit!

Wheee! A weekend full of free shit is the awesomest!

So the BF works with a guy who knows a guy who is brothers with a guy who is married to a lady who knows a dude who is related to this chick whos father owns the farm that this dude works on who's distant relative 5 times removed owns this resort place up in "WOOOOOOOODAWGYWESTVIRGINIA!"

alright to be fair. I didn't run into anyone barefoot in overalls chewing on a piece of hay as I had imagined but still, it makes me giggle. also, to be fair again--it was his co-worker's wife that owns the resort, but it was funnier to me the other way.

....Where was I?

ah yes. wooooooooooooooodawgygeterdoneEtc!

so! God knows what I was expecting, but the overall sentiment I feel now is "woooo thank god it wasnt like I had dreamt it up in my head"

cuz. west virginia + spa resort = what the ?

or at least, thats how math goes in my head.

anyway, so the lodging was adequate and the food was...well the food sucked but hey! can't have everything!

The massage, facial, manicure, pedicure (THAT WERE FREE BTW!) were indeed the awesomest.

perhaps was due to the freeness (i make up words, get over it) of the whole thing, either way. awesome is as awesome does.

or something.

*cough* anyway. So I had the massage first, and it was a guy. Aside from the vague sexual connotations of it all--he pulled my hair! Pulled! as in McDreamy on the season Finale pulled my hair! Well, ok, not really like that but wow it sorta got me twitchy. And also there were parts where I couldnt exactly tell where exactly his hands were exactly. I just felt exact uber relaxation and "ahhhhhhhhh"

"ahhhhhh" is a feeling. look it up. OK DONT I LIED.

So I walk out of there very relaxed with a goofy smile on my face cuz. for once in like 21309840129481049184 months, my back isnt all tight and stiff! Its pure bliss! You should try it! no really! It's even better than the chiropractor! But shhh dont tell him though cuz. Love! I heart him!

On to the facial. Its a girl this time. after she slathers random junk on my face and wipes it off and puts more stuff on and wipes it off over and over again. She sits down behind me and starts to move her hands around my face and down my neck in this repeated rhythm. There was no pressure, she was just touching me.

It got me to thinking whether it was really what she was doing that was relaxing--cuz I was very close to just falling asleep--or if it was because I was being touched by another human being that was relaxing. Think about it. Every treatment at a spa involves human touch. every single one. Alright alright almost every single one.

whatever. dont get technical with me.

I forget where I was going with this....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dude: "Whats a Garden Burger?"
Rocket Scientist Waitress: "Well, I think it has lettuce and tomato on it."

No, really. I'm not making it up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damnit what was my point?

umm...

hey! Look over there! *points behind you*