The thing about quitting smoking...

is that you gain weight--or, I did at least. I am hovering around a number that makes me want to collapse on the floor and die, but hey, at least I'm not smoking right?

sigh. (also, 146 days! Suck it nicotine!)

I cant seem to get in to the swing of any kind of healthy regime either. Which is JUST SUPER. I workout for like a week, maybe a day and then im all "soreeeeeee wahhhhhhhhh" and "tiredddddddddd wah" and well. You get the idea.

I know in my head that if I want to make a change and lose the weight I gained I need to get off my flabby ass and make myself do it and keep pushing myself until I want to do it. And really, what's so hard about that? Well... everything apparently. Basically I'm this fat sack of fail. Cool, huh?

And apparently I am also very whiney and feel awfully sorry for myself too.

Anyway... other than that! Things are really really awesome. Like, really.

Having BF home has been just really fantastic. It's like we live together and stuff! And I'M ENGAGED *SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE* STILL! Turns out, it wasnt a dream! So, thats also awesome.

I find lately that we do a lot of laughing. Even though we are in a bit of a stressful time ... twitch... we seem to be making it through and I am so very proud of us for that.

I do have some plans for doin' some things that will aid me in my weightloss endeavors, since I can't seem to get it together on my own. Remember when I was doing Medi-weightloss and I lost a bunch of weight? I'm gonna do that again, except with a different organization. I start April 7th. Wish me luck :)

On Quitting Smoking...again

Being a professional smoking quitter for what? 10 years probably? I believe I've got a good handle on what does and doesnt seem to work. Now that I am days away from 100 FOR REAL days of not smoking (No Shit!), I think I can almost* safely say that this time is a-workin.'

Things that do not work:

• "It's just not a good time right now" - Newsflash sparky: The perfect time does not exist. At least my definition anyway: a time in which there is not a single stressor, no mess ups and no ... well anything. Because, apparently I used ANYTHING as an excuse. Just got laid off? Let's smoke. Trying to get a job? Keep smoking. Got a job but am stressed about keeping it cuz its a contract to hire job and OMFG WHAT IF I DONT GET HIRED AYEEEE! Smoke. Project Over. Whew! Lets smoke! Hired as full-time employee! Where's mah lighter! Concert next week! Will wanna smoke then! Lets smoke until next week! Woops! Cigarettets still in pack! Smoke 'em if you got 'em! I... well you get the idea.
• "I am going to cut down first, THEN I'll quit!" - Who are you kidding dude, you make up for it when you're by yourself. Chimney! I R IT!
• "I wanna quit, but I dont wanna quit." - Gee, I cant imagine why THAT shit doesnt work.
• "I'll quit because I know everyone around me hates it." - Yeah, see above genius.
• "Happy New Year! IMA QUIT!" - Rigggghhhhtt after this cigarette... no wait this one...okokok After this pack! Shit Wait! This pack! Uh huh...

Things that do work:

• Im quitting because I want to. Even though this is probably the worst time ever to quit. Like ever, I am going to do it. Because I want to.

There's no second bullet here because as far as I can tell, this is the only thing that works. Life lesson number 230420492028092: Learned.

* I dont wanna officially say it yet til I hit 3 digits, because, given my track record. I uh.. tend to fail.