Facing Fear

I voluntarily attended a training session at work regarding presentations and like public speaking.

First, let me just say. Holy crap! I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate public speaking. it scares the bejesus out of me. I get all hot in the face region which I am sure means I am a nice shade of magenta, my hands get shaky, my voice cracks. I lose the ability to speak coherently. I forget what Im supposed to be saying. I forget my name! I start to think everyone is looking at me like I am a big fat idiot.

and. I apparently black out.

cuz. I dont remember a single thing I said.

lemme back up a little...

after the "training" part of this session, we were sent away for 30 minutes to think about what we had just learned and try to apply it to a presentation about anything.

anything? come on! gimme some friggin parameters!

So I decide to talk about How I quit smoking (btw! 55 days! and those that were witness to my handful of weak moments...shut it. The reason why I can still say 55 days with pride is because even though i trip up, I go right back to not smoking. k. thx.)

anyway. so I get back to the session kinda late. and people are doing their presentations already. I sit down and I start to like...get insanely nervous.

after a few presentations, I raise my hand.

and then immediately think "oh you stupid bitch! wtf are you doing!"

but oops too late.

so i fumble with the mic cuz I've never messed with any such contraption (aside from karaoke, but thats for another time).

I then begin my presentation by telling my audience that I will be speaking about How I quit smoking.

which is unexpectedly received with applause.

I then poll the audience of smokers...

and I couldn't tell ya who raised their hands or what I said after that. I have my outline of what I was supposed to say. but I uhh...dont remember. any of it.

Miliseconds Minutes later, the torture was over and I got to sit down. Phew. Which, coincidentally, was right about the time that I began to breathe again.

OK so, let's review: I volunteered!

What the fuck! Who does that? Meeting fears head on like that? Certainly not me! I run! I hide! I...volunteer? What's with the courage? shew, I am so proud of myself.

also, i received quite a number of compliments. Which made me float just a little bit today ;)

All in all, me and Ice Cube think it was a good day.