Tuesday, November 28, 2006

wait, what?

As far back as I can remember, my mother avoided speaking of anything related to the past at all costs. She's tried different tactics over the years: leaving the room when a story was being told, getting angry when my dad would go "remember that babe?", having a sudden case of amnesia and interrupting the story with "when did that happen!?!", etc. Mostly the getting angry tactic is what resonates in my memory section. I never understood what her problem was with the past. It was a blanket reaction, there was nothing I could pin point as a trigger. It was just the past in general.

Examples
  • The time my dad shaved his beard, and the dog Ceiba freaked the hell out and my brother, "T", hid under the bed crying because he thought my Dad was a stranger--this was before I was even born, or as my father would say "when you were a twinkle in your mother's eye."

  • Whenever I bring up our ancestory and like, ya know, where the hell I come from.

  • Stories of my mother's grandmother, who used to make my Dad homemade tortillas which he would eat with butter, cinnamon and sugar. (btw, you must try it if you have never had it--so good) My father and my great-grandmother would communicate via sign language since my great-grandmother spoke zero english and my father spoke zero spanish.

  • The time my brother, T, worshipped Evil Knievel and rode his bike up a ramp and did some crazy jump. T is like michael jordan in that when he does something that requires concentration, he sticks his tongue out. So when he hit the ground, he bit his tongue in half. The story goes that just after that happened, the boys got called in for dinner. Pot Roast. Everyone started eating after grace except for T. My father yelled at him to start eating. So T took a bite, and then his eyes welled up with tears. My father, losing his tiny amount of patience, begins yelling at T while at the same time acting concerned--Ya know..."T! WHAT IS WRONG! EAT YOUR FOOD!" T, silent up to this point, begins to sob and opens his mouth and ... out flops his tongue which is hanging on by a ... yeah...eww! and ouchy!

  • The time T, who wore glasses as a kid, enjoyed sticking his head out the window like dogs like to do. On the ride home from the optometrist, T thought this would be a grand idea and woosh! there went the brand new glasses.

  • How cute T was when he was a kid and wanted so much to be like his big brothers. W and Bubba would be sitting on the curb next to each other and T would come over and squish himself between the two of them.

  • The time I wandered off in the grocery store (there was a toy section in our grocery store, there's no resisting that), when I got tired of checking out the toys I figured it was time to start looking for my dad. I walked down the front of the store peering down each aisle looking for him. I found him after a few aisles, he was looking for me also and looking pretty pissed about it. I tried to soften him up by being funny and yelled out "THERE YOU ARE YA BASTARD!" heh.

  • The time my mother took the boys ice skating and they were skating along holding hands and one of them fell bringing the whole party down. My mom broke her wrist. oopsy :(

  • How when I started walking I would put my arms out in front of me, elbows bent and wrists limp. Yes. The prissyness began at a very early age it seems.

  • How W was both my brothers hero. When W got a newspaper route, they wanted to help. There was a prize for getting the most subscriptions. The prize was a day at AstroWorld! So they helped and they won. T was so excited the night before that he made himself sick and couldn't go :(

  • I've gone off on a tangent again


Anyway, point is anytime ANYTHING from the past came up she would flip out and get really angry.

I have noticed, however, that in recent years it is now my mother who is the one who brings up and tells stories from the *gasp* past.

Take this past holiday trip for example. She brought up someone named "Richard" and told this story about how my grandmother was thawing a turkey out on the counter and he saw the naked bird and flipped out and started crying.

Me: uh. hey mom? Who is Richard?

Mom: Oh. He was my brother. You didnt know him. He died when he was 4.

Me: Wait! You had another brother! What did he die of?

Mom: Yeah. His name was Richard he was younger than Rachel but older than Jerry, he died of Leukemia.

Is it just weird only to find out about additional siblings of your parents when you are almost 30 or is it just me?

oh and!

Apparently I am not Spanish from Spain! No! Im Mexican from Mexico!

I dunno why but that really stunned me.

Wonder what other little nuggets I will learn as time goes on...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I joined the wrong damn competition!

again with the last to know crap...

but uh! Had I known! I would have totally participated! Totally.

What the hell am I talking about, you ask?

NaDruWiNi! It is even fun to say.

oh, sorry, its NaDruWriNi ... i like to say it "NayDrewWeeeKneeee" anyway, cuz it's the little things that make me happy

Perhaps I will have a make-up night this next weekend. We have lots of leftover liquor from the Outer Banks!

hmmm... anyone interested *nudge nudge*

Monday, November 13, 2006

le sigh.

I remember when I first heard the buzz about blogs.

I sorta dismissed it and said "*snobbby sigh* God! People have tooooo much time on their hands!"

and then multiple friends of mine started their own blogs, to which I said "gah! my life is too boring. what the hell would I write about?!!?!"

so thats my excuse for failing NaBloPoMo, my life is boring. I feel it is important to post something vaguely interesting (like this little morsel right here...heh), instead of a run-down of the boring things like:

"today I worked, then I came home and made dinner, then cleaned up and watched some tv, then ironed my clothes then went to bed. the end."

cuz my days are really like that but! theres always something funny about something that happens. and I wait for those pieces to rear their funny heads.

but you see, this process can't be rushed. no no! it's like a fine wine and...

aw ok fine, i give. I suck at NaBloPoMo *sob*

you still love me though, right? RIGHT?!?!

*sniff*

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Day 9: She finally comes to her senses...

Lord knows I am not talking about me here.

I am, however, talking about the Britster!

We are so close see, I can call her that.

No, really.

Anyway! Ha! She finally saw the Big Bright Flashing "L" smacked on Federline's head and is filing for divorce!

MSN SAID SO IT MUST BE TRUE!

I get the feeling this is old news, I somehow only just found out though. *sigh* Always the last to know.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Day 8: Bowling Thumb

what? Don't look at me like that. I already missed a day before, I failed at NaBloPoMo *hangs head*.

I am honestly still trying though. really.

Yes, I am aware that I did not post yesterday too. Stop being a tattletale.

Anyway.

So I joined a bowling league! First game/meet-up/match/whatever you wanna call it was last night.

I must tell you that I am the epitomy of perfect bowling form and motion. really. REALLY! OK so I'm not. at.all.

I bowl sorta uh backwards. First, I am a "righty" but I do everything else with my left. This includes bowling.

Second, Ya know how bowlers sorta have the ball like in the palm of their hand and the ball is facing the ceiling and they throw it with so much grace and end it with a bend back-kick type movement?

here's how i do it:
  • I grab the ball and step up to platform. With appropriate fingers in appropriate holes I hold the ball close to my chin, "visualizing my move." With my other hand, I lovingly cup the ball (dude, 8 lbs is heavy! Shutup, yes i said EIGHT pounds.)

  • Then I make sure bowlers on either side of me are not preparing to also bowl cuz! Bowling etiquette hello!

  • and the "walk" begins. This is basically me dropping the ball to my side, walking up to the lane

  • at the last minute I go hey! I should swing! so I swing my arm. Note: my palm is facing the back of the room and the ball is facing the ground (hello. backwards)

  • then i let'er go. due to backwards-ness of the form, the ball has this backwards rotation on it and seems to slow.down. as it gets to the pins.

  • last night I noticed that I added this sorta kicking out of my back leg, like straight behind me, superman style. sweeeet. i am graceful.


*bow* its pure genius no?

My average you ask? Well you know it was the first game, establishing handicaps and all and uhh *cough*85*cough*

yeah i suck. whatever. as if you expected anything less ;)

I also have bowling thumb. In which the inside of my thumb is all tender and overly warm and sore and sorta hurts slightly when I bend it.

God, I am such a princess. "ohh my thumb hurts! *pout* wahhhh!"

Monday, November 06, 2006

Day 6: Damn You Carlos! *shakes fist*

Before you go all "oohhhh she didnt post yesterday, ohmmm I'm telling.."

First, who ya gonna tell? WHO!?

Second, OMG! It wasn't my fault!

As you may have noticed, I have been posting in the evening time cuz well--IM DRAWING A FRIGGIN BLANK. *sob* the pressure of posting every day is really getting to me. It has to be a good post! a funny post! a meaningful post!

then I realized, why start now with the good/funny/meaningful shit?

So ok, I have been spending lots of time in bed due to this lovely cold/whatever I have. Which, this is also an excuse I have been using.

This, however, is not my current point!

I'm getting to it, shut-up.

So yesterday, we went to breakfast, I did some laundry and cleaned the kitchen cuz God forbid people help out other people when they arent feeling good (OEIFWE)*(R#)*($)#(*$#@$)(@#*$)--ahem, anyway.

Watched the Redskins win a game!

And then a little bit later, we get ready to leave cuz! It's time for Carlos Mencia at the Warner Theatre! As we are driving off to dc, it occurred to me that I hadn't yet posted for the day.

Me: oh no! I haven't posted yet for today!
Me: I want to say this outloud but I know the bf will make fun of me!
Me: okokokok, this thing is at 9, so we should totally be back by 11! definitely 11! I can post then! It'll be fineeeeeee.

We got back at 12:45AM.

damnit.

and I blame Carlos cuz

  1. last time we checked the time it was 9:32 and the thing had.not.started.yet

  2. he had like 23904850395 people come on before him, which made me giggle a little. ya know the van with a million latinos? This is what I am envisioning the "Punisher Tour" is like.

  3. he was funny! so we stayed til the very end! the nerve of him!

  4. i'm old--alright that's not his fault. *sigh*


Can I get a by?

What about a "do-overs"?

no?

hmph.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Day 4: I have a doctor's note...

I've got a cold. and this is my excuse for the worst posts in NaBloPoMo-dome. But god, who can think with this pressure on my face?

Watch this while I go NyQuil up.

sank you bery much

Friday, November 03, 2006

Day 3: Slumber Party's in San Antonio

This whole halloween thing has me thinking back to slumber party's I attended as a weee lass (just follow me here). Yeah there was some of the putting the bra in the freezer or putting a sleeping hand into warm water (you know what i mean, sleeping person's hand in the... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN). But either my friends were evil or we just enjoyed scaring the hell out of each other cuz there are a number of things I recall being staples in our slumber party's...
  • Calling the Donkey Lady: Yeah, wtf? Hear me out. So there's this number you can call--or was--in which the Donkey Lady (half donkey, half lady, of course) would answer and you could hear her hooves galloping along and they'd get faster and louder and OMG HANG UP THE PHONE BEFORE SHE GETS YOU!!!! The idea was that if you stayed on the phone long enough, you would turn around and BAM! Donkey lady right behind you. I know, stupid right? Tell that to a 12 year old (or the biggest chicken in the world, me).

  • Doing Bloody Mary in the bathroom: You know the one. No? How about just the girls? Seriously? Well anyway, SUPPOSEDLY if you go into a bathroom and turn off the lights and flick water at the mirror and chant "Bloody Mary" three times, you turn on the light and the water is red (aka OMG! BLOOD!) or she ends up behind you (wtf is it with the behind you stuff anyway?) Yours truly would run the hell out of the bathroom when the second "bloody mary" was said. *bow* thankyouverymuch

  • Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board: so somebody lays on the floor, everyone kneels down around the person and puts two fingers of each hand under the persons body, think girl scouts honor style--only palms up. THEN you shhhhhhhsshshshsh everyone cuz OMG SO FUNNY!!?!?!and then you close your eyes and concentrate cuz THIS IS SERIOUS PEOPLE. Then you chant "light as a feather, stiff as a board" over and over again and the person is supposed to levitate. Never worked for us though. well not really. we would, however, screw with somebody and go "OMG SHE IS OFF THE GROUND" and they would scream and pull her hands back and we'd laugh and laugh. *sigh* oh. where was i?

  • Quarters! So apparently, the drinking behavior started early with us BUT! we played quarters! with shots of water! WE ARE BRILLIANT. DIDJA KNOW IF YOU CONSUME TOO MUCH WATER YOU THROW UP?!?!?! Not...that I know first-hand or anything *cough*


thats all I remember right now but...kinda f'ed up no? whatever happened to like painting nails and doing makeup and playing dress up!

or like! Barbies!

sheesh.

btw, talking about Bloody Mary and the Donkey Lady did NOT make the hairs on my arms stand on end or cause me to go "WTF WAS THAT" when the cat jumped off the bed.

Nope. not at all.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Day 2: doh

yes im cheating already.

shut-up i have a cold and the mind is all foggy with the like...

cold stuff.

nighty night.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Day 1: While we are on the subject of scary...

The first time I remember ever being scared while watching something, it was this on mtv...


See...the chicken runs deep in me. My brother even had me watch the making of the thriller video--also on mtv--which didnt help, though I totally told him it did.

Creepy dead people! eeps!

What he shoulda done is shown me this:


not so scary anymore, huh.

and p.s. W.T.F.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Boo! ...and stuff



I never was big on halloween. Yeah, dressing up was cool. Candy was pretty sweet...

but. the like. scary stuff...

holeeeeeeeeee moleeeyyyyy on a stick!

I am such a total chicken. No, really. I mean...umm...The Blair Witch Project scared the ever-loving bejesus out of me! Just now? When I went to retrieve the link, the sound came on and I had to scurry over to that page to close it! cuz! OMG! SCARY STILL! When I saw it for the first time, the ending made the hairs on my arms stand on end, the blood rush from my face and I umm kinda SCREAMED LOUDLY IN THE THEATRE. oopsy heh. I didnt move until the lights went on. My friends were...

LAUGHING AT ME :(

meanies.

and yet, when K told me about this haunted forest thing, I was all.... oh hell no!

and then a day or so later, I was all...WE SHOULD GO! WE SHOULD GO!

wtf?

There is the rumor about how a week or so after watching the movie, said Chicken Shit was having a nice peaceful, relaxing smoke outside before bed. When she came back in, the house was all super dark. Instead of maybe, I dunno, TURNING A LIGHT ON, Chicken Shit proceeded to run from the door to the stairs. She did this so quickly, that when she reached the middle landing she ran right into a big ass plant. She immediately thought of Blair Witch and the trees (and it totally made sense to her too...cuz now? not so much). So guess what she did?

yah, thats right. She SCREAMED at the top of her lungs and continued running straight to her room.

Her mom came into her room and was all "WTF was that ya weirdo" (she really said "you ok? what happened!!?!?!" but I know what she meant by the look on her face). Chicken shit then tried to explain, but just as it seems now, she heard herself talking and immediately realized how just utterly weird she really is.

...but it's just a rumor *cough*

Friday, October 27, 2006

dooooooooooode.

So this morning I was visiting my daily blogs. It's a long list too. I'll make a list one day!* Anyway, so I get to my 5th one (yah, no I was serious, theres like at least 20 I read daily) and theres this talk of "Blopping" and I clickity click the link cuz..wtf is blopping?!!?

and lo!

It's a friggin competition of sorts!

I loves me a good competition! Unless it involves running, cuz then...not so much.

Anyway, So I have entered myself in it.

wanna know what it is?

Tis NaBloPoMo a'course!

...hang on a sec, I just realized the depth of my geekyness.

wow.

did i mention that i also purchased this to help me in my endeavor?

no?

k well nevermind then *cough*

that tshirt is pretty sweet though.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Phew! and also Aww Damnit!

"Your jury service for this term has ended. You are no longer required to report as previously instructed and need not call for any further instructions. We thank you for serving as a juror in the United States District Court."


Hot diggity dog!/*kicks the ground with her shoe* hmph. Woulda been cool to have been a juror on a murder case or something equally as glittery and oh la la.

I am thankful though for missing the opportunity of spending a kazillion hours quality time on 95.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Facing Fear

I voluntarily attended a training session at work regarding presentations and like public speaking.

First, let me just say. Holy crap! I haaaaaaaaaaaaaate public speaking. it scares the bejesus out of me. I get all hot in the face region which I am sure means I am a nice shade of magenta, my hands get shaky, my voice cracks. I lose the ability to speak coherently. I forget what Im supposed to be saying. I forget my name! I start to think everyone is looking at me like I am a big fat idiot.

and. I apparently black out.

cuz. I dont remember a single thing I said.

lemme back up a little...

after the "training" part of this session, we were sent away for 30 minutes to think about what we had just learned and try to apply it to a presentation about anything.

anything? come on! gimme some friggin parameters!

So I decide to talk about How I quit smoking (btw! 55 days! and those that were witness to my handful of weak moments...shut it. The reason why I can still say 55 days with pride is because even though i trip up, I go right back to not smoking. k. thx.)

anyway. so I get back to the session kinda late. and people are doing their presentations already. I sit down and I start to like...get insanely nervous.

after a few presentations, I raise my hand.

and then immediately think "oh you stupid bitch! wtf are you doing!"

but oops too late.

so i fumble with the mic cuz I've never messed with any such contraption (aside from karaoke, but thats for another time).

I then begin my presentation by telling my audience that I will be speaking about How I quit smoking.

which is unexpectedly received with applause.

I then poll the audience of smokers...

and I couldn't tell ya who raised their hands or what I said after that. I have my outline of what I was supposed to say. but I uhh...dont remember. any of it.

Miliseconds Minutes later, the torture was over and I got to sit down. Phew. Which, coincidentally, was right about the time that I began to breathe again.

OK so, let's review: I volunteered!

What the fuck! Who does that? Meeting fears head on like that? Certainly not me! I run! I hide! I...volunteer? What's with the courage? shew, I am so proud of myself.

also, i received quite a number of compliments. Which made me float just a little bit today ;)

All in all, me and Ice Cube think it was a good day.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

A Call to Arms

alright, not really. It's just jury duty for cripes sake.

*eyeroll* she can be soooooooooooo dramatic sometimes.

pipe down over there.

Anyway! So yah it is my turn to fulfill my civic duty and am "on call" for Jury Duty for the next two weeks, which is awesome. Now, I'm not a total control freak or anything but I HATE NOT KNOWING UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE WHAT IM DOING THE NEXT DAY.

okokok after 6pm isnt exactly last minute, but still!

So I made my first call friday evening, all giddy-worried about the logistics of getting to frickin Alexandria by 0830 in the morning from the frickin hood (pwc esse!) without, you know, shooting myself in the head from sitting in traffic for a bazillion years, while at the same time really excited about the prospect of being on the jury of a murder case for like some mafia guy or something. Cuz this is for U.S. District Court bitches! Prime Time Baby!

....I obviously watch too much tv...

anyway so I was not needed on Monday which was a relief and a disappointment all at once.

Fast forward to last night, I am ironing my clothes thinking about what I have to do at work tomorrow when the thought struck me, "HEY STUPID! Hows about you check on your jury duty reporting status!" and then my stomach drops. Cuz, im way too paranoid for my own good and OMG! It's too late to call my carpool if I am called in and HOLYSHIT NOW WHAT DO I DO???!?!

I figure probably the best thing to start off with would be

I dunno...

like CALL THE DAMN NUMBER AND FIND OUT IF YOU ARE NEEDED FIRST BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR SHIT FOR NO REASON.

so i did ;)

and I got the SAME EXACT MESSAGE FROM FRIDAY. In which it told me to please call after 6pm the following business day, Monday, 16 October to check what my new reporting status will be.

The little hamsters in my head start running around and I go "but! it is Monday! OMG! They didnt update the message! So I hang up and redial cuz OF COURSE THEY WILL UPDATE THE MESSAGE IN THE NEXT MINUTE.

and whaddya know! same message!

so I call back a couple more times

hi. im an idiot. nice to meetcha!

so then i decide that they are probably not going to be at the office at 8:30pm (after I tried calling the office twice), and my head is pounding really loud and my ear feels like its gonna fall off so perhaps I should go to bed and I will call tomorrow morning.

Did I mention that I have a swollen gland in my neck and the pain is radiating to my inner ear, my jaw, my teeth and it hurts when i turn my neck?

no? well nevermind. Im ignoring it too! Sick! Me! NO! NOT FUCKING AGAIN! NO! NOOOOOOOO!

ahem. anyway...

I get to work and call the number again (AFTER I had called immediately upon getting into carpool vehicle cuz! they totally would have updated by now, I mean its 6:45AM!)

and whaddya know! same message.

So I pass the time by reading through the crap they sent me, cuz occupying my mind with doing actual work at work is just silly, and I get to this part:

Is jury service mandatory?

Yes. The United States Constitution guarantees the right to a trial by jury in both criminal and civil cases. Your participation as a juror helps make justice happen. Also, the consequences of not reporting for jury service are severe. You could be escorted to the courthouse by a deputy U.S. marshal to explain to a judge why youdid not report. You also could be fined up to $100 or imprisoned for up to three days or both.


This is right about the time I start to lose my shit. I'm all "Oh fuck! Well I... Well I would tell the judge that the message wasn't updated. Yeah, that'll work." and then I thought "but HOW WOULD I PROVE IT!" and then i thought about calling it again and recording the message.

I wish I was kidding.

0828 rolls around and I jump on the phone. cuz im impatient.

Guy gets on phone, I explain my neuroses, he asks me for my name and puts me on hold for a jillion years (yes ok not really, shut-up). He comes back and asks me to spell my last name and he says "ok, just call back tonight after 6pm"

and I say... "ok so im good for today!?!?!"

which. jesus christ tricia.

he says "yes, you are fine."

and then I say "ok so the messag..."

to which he responds quickly with "yes, it wasn't updated."

phew.

no troopers comin to escort me to the courthouse today. I can rest easy.

until 6pm tonight anyway ;)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

The Weekend Get Away

This weekend, the BF and I headed to the hills of West Virginia for some alone time, togetherness, nature...

and to get our greedy mitts on some free shit!

Wheee! A weekend full of free shit is the awesomest!

So the BF works with a guy who knows a guy who is brothers with a guy who is married to a lady who knows a dude who is related to this chick whos father owns the farm that this dude works on who's distant relative 5 times removed owns this resort place up in "WOOOOOOOODAWGYWESTVIRGINIA!"

alright to be fair. I didn't run into anyone barefoot in overalls chewing on a piece of hay as I had imagined but still, it makes me giggle. also, to be fair again--it was his co-worker's wife that owns the resort, but it was funnier to me the other way.

....Where was I?

ah yes. wooooooooooooooodawgygeterdoneEtc!

so! God knows what I was expecting, but the overall sentiment I feel now is "woooo thank god it wasnt like I had dreamt it up in my head"

cuz. west virginia + spa resort = what the ?

or at least, thats how math goes in my head.

anyway, so the lodging was adequate and the food was...well the food sucked but hey! can't have everything!

The massage, facial, manicure, pedicure (THAT WERE FREE BTW!) were indeed the awesomest.

perhaps was due to the freeness (i make up words, get over it) of the whole thing, either way. awesome is as awesome does.

or something.

*cough* anyway. So I had the massage first, and it was a guy. Aside from the vague sexual connotations of it all--he pulled my hair! Pulled! as in McDreamy on the season Finale pulled my hair! Well, ok, not really like that but wow it sorta got me twitchy. And also there were parts where I couldnt exactly tell where exactly his hands were exactly. I just felt exact uber relaxation and "ahhhhhhhhh"

"ahhhhhh" is a feeling. look it up. OK DONT I LIED.

So I walk out of there very relaxed with a goofy smile on my face cuz. for once in like 21309840129481049184 months, my back isnt all tight and stiff! Its pure bliss! You should try it! no really! It's even better than the chiropractor! But shhh dont tell him though cuz. Love! I heart him!

On to the facial. Its a girl this time. after she slathers random junk on my face and wipes it off and puts more stuff on and wipes it off over and over again. She sits down behind me and starts to move her hands around my face and down my neck in this repeated rhythm. There was no pressure, she was just touching me.

It got me to thinking whether it was really what she was doing that was relaxing--cuz I was very close to just falling asleep--or if it was because I was being touched by another human being that was relaxing. Think about it. Every treatment at a spa involves human touch. every single one. Alright alright almost every single one.

whatever. dont get technical with me.

I forget where I was going with this....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dude: "Whats a Garden Burger?"
Rocket Scientist Waitress: "Well, I think it has lettuce and tomato on it."

No, really. I'm not making it up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damnit what was my point?

umm...

hey! Look over there! *points behind you*


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Disorientation

I went to the grocery store after work and the chiropractor--and p.s.? I LOVE THE CHIROPRACTOR MAN. LOVE! DID I SAY LOVE YET? CUZ. LOVE! Totally.

oh. hi. where was i?

right. grocery store.

So, I walk in and grab the little red riding hood basket...

what? It totally looks like what I would imagine red riding hood carrying. Think about it. Doesn't it? Alright, shutup. This is how my mind works, dont look at me like that.

Annnnnnyway, so I step through the automatic doors and the familiar scent of baked goods and linoleum waft by the ol nose (btw, I'm totally smelling random things lately. must be the WHOLE MONTH AND ONE DAY OF NOT SMOKING. YES. I SAID A WHOLE MONTH AND ONE DAY *bow*).

crap. i keep getting distracted.

So, I'm walking along and notice that my footsteps sound different. They sounded sorta hollow and deep and it felt kinda--yes, eventhough I was wearing shoes--softer.

anyway so im thinking "hmm, wtf"

so I look down.

cuz it only makes sense, no?

and holy hell! theres wood on the floors now! and i look up and hey! the walls look differe..hey! the produce area looks all farmers marketish...hey! what the hell!

and then i realize that

a. man for being a person who is so detail oriented at work (alright well I think so) I certainly am oblivious to obvious shit

and b. holy crap! they are remodeling!

cuz im smart like that.

so I remember that I have a mission and proceed to add things to the red riding hood basket that I need and ...

im all...

HEY WHERE THE HELL IS EVERTHING!

Theres these metal racks in front of the regular shelves (which are empty, btw) with the food. Only, its all in the wrong aisles.

OH SONOFA! IM GONNA HAVE TO RE-LEARN THIS STORE!

I just got this crap down too. damnit.

and I start to notice that every other customer I walk by also has this "wtf?" look on their face. I walked by this chick that had this look and I said "any idea where the rice is?!?!"

and she hahaha'd and said "not a clue."

So I continue to walk around going "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE RICE!?!?!"

I pass the chick again. She says "find it?"

me: "*sigh* No!"

just then an employee walks by and THE CHICK asks "excuse me, where is the rice?"

the employee, outfitted with the same "WTF!?!" look on her face as everybody else goes "uhhh" and proceeds to look at the aisle signs. She walks back and forth between a few aisles with me following behind her, listening to her go "I dunno why they moved everything and didnt bother providing any goddamn maps!"

THE CHICK appears again from some other aisle and goes "found it!"

I say "Oh, the cereal aisle! That makes perfect sense!"

and btw, whats with the nice chick? am I not in NOVA?!?! Home of the sneer and the stare right through you and the DONT YOU KNOW IM IN A FUCKING HURRY! MOVE YOUR ASS CUZ IM MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU AND MAKE IT SNAPPY DAMNIT?!?!

was a nice change i must say ;)

the chip aisle! in the middle of the store! not the far left! What will I do! *sob* I DONT KNOW WHERE SHIT IS!

pah. I didnt even go look to see whats at the far left. it was too much for me to handle.

I thought it was strange that the parking lot was basically empty at 6pm on weekday, and now I know why. CUZ YA CANT FIND NOTHIN!

luckily, im a fairly smart girl and found what I needed (but gah! just barely!)

The really sad part of this whole thing is the fact that the grocery store remodeling is affecting me this much.

jesus.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

So umm... WTF?!?!

I leave pretty hot weather with sun and random rain storms for a week to go to the beach with fairly warm temperatures, the occasional appearance of the sun, and full on blissful relaxation.

I come back to crisp air, lows in the 40s, chilly mornings and the faintest scent of fall wafting by my nose...

Im sorry. Did I miss something? How can it be fall already?

Im seeing signs that Halloween is just on the horizon. (I also have yet to go into a store since my return, so it is not in my face). And obviously, Im completely ignoring the little Halloween carnival already in appearance at the nursery by my house. SLOW YOUR ROLL PEOPLE, IT ISN'T OCTOBER YET! DAMNIT!

My parents are already talking about Thanksgiving plans...

AND in like 3 days, its officially the last day of summer.

it's just so sad.

I feel like I somehow missed summer all together because I never really felt summer.

You know how summer feels....

hot, sweaty, lazy, mosquitoes, entire days spent at the pool, barbecue, sweet tea, the smell of cocoa butter, sunburn, "WOOOO! It's hot out there! Yeah! It's not the heat that gets you though, its the humidity," lemonade, ice cream, the smell of chlorine, relaxing, no school, carefree, summer evenings when its finally cool enough to sit on the sidewalk without burning your ass, trucker tan (ya know, where your left arm is darker than your right from the right side of your body being exposed to the sun while driving), midnight and its still like 80, freezer pops...

...well I could go on and on...

instead, I spent my summer days in a fucking cold office--though, I am always cold if its below like 75 so that's not a shock--living my own version of The Office, doing like work to make money to responsibly pay my adult bills and buy adult things like, ya know, groceries and kitty litter!

In an odd way, I feel like I just turned around for a second and my youth was secretly replaced with this imposter adulthood. When I turned back around and took my first taste, I scrunched up my nose with the bitterness and went "WTF is this!?!?!"

so so sad.

My summers have been this way for years now, why the sudden feeling of Adulthood?!

ya got me man, in fact its wiggin me out some.

someone hand me a bottle of banana boat before I go mental.

I also dread the end of summer because that means the beginning of fall which means winter is just around the fucking corner, waiting impatiently.

Tapping her icey blue fingers.

Eyeing me with her frigid stare.

I hate that bitch.

omg no seriously! I hate winter. haaaaaaaaaaate.

I hate winter coats, hats, gloves--all of which I avoid wearing at all costs. In fact, two of my coats are still in the closet at work from last friggin winter. I hate driving in ice, snow, sleet. (thank god I don't work for the postal service). I hate being cold. I hate the dry skin. I hate having to layer clothes cuz one friggin layer is never enough. Thermal Underwear!?!? omg don't get me started.

heh I act like I live in friggin Fargo, North Dakota or something (eh?!)

bah. I need to fly south for the winter. Who's with me!

Summer! Come back! I miss you already!

Monday, September 18, 2006

What I Did On Summer Vacation
By Tricia

"Them bikes be like 'waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'""the pool isnt so bad once your legs go numb""wheres the gas grill? all i see is this park grill piece of crap???""holy shit look at that spider!""I have sand everywhere. *wipes sand on K's arm*. Sand from my ass. you are welcome." "hey look! the sun is out! oh wait...nevermind" "sound good cause they free....shewt" "jerry is back on dish duty tomorrow" "We are sooooo gonna regret this tomorrow *giggle and clink shot glasses* HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANYWAY!" "is Erin alive? Yeah I texted her twice earlier she is alive. hahah you texted her?!?!" "so what did you drink? Lemon drops. Amateur. $150 of lemon drops. Holy shit! That's like professional." "I wonder what the kitties are doing right now? Plotting our demise, probably" "Thats from just today in the sun? Yeah. I hate you. I really hate you." "HOW MUCH FOOD DID YOU GUYS BUY ANYWAY!" "FOOZBALL IS THE DEVIL" "WE NEE MO WAX!" "Is the pool warm? Uh *shiver* no" "We are out of beer. WHAT!?! We are out of beer. How the hell?!!? What I meant to say was, we are out of beer." "Holy shit check out the ceiling. eww" "I think maybe next time, you should think about a bigger truck" "YOU DIDNT SAY LAST CARD!!!!! Yes I did! Oh. Damnit." "Theres images flying around in my head that I really didnt need" "damn dude, your burps are awful" "That's a lot of cake. Yeah umm. apparently 1/2 a sheet is smaller in my head" "Yeah, Shewt"

Friday, September 08, 2006

I don't know what I've been told...

Skinny Tricia's got a lot of soul!

SO! I FOUND! AN OUTSIDE BOOTCAMP CLASS! IN MY AREA!

It's Monday/Wednesday/Friday at 7pm just down the street from my house.

I'm so excited! I think I just peed a little!

$5-$8/session which is roughly $65/month

hi. one personal trainer session for one hour was gonna be $60.

lsdkjfslkfjsldkfjsdlfkjSQWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

AND AND AND YOU GET THE FIRST WEEK FOR FREE.

Class starts first Monday of Oktober. Yes, I said oKtober. Hey Look! I'm German!

So, who's down for it. CMON! You know you wanna! Cluss? Harm? Erin? Karri? BF? *taps foot*

Of course, I am already apprehensive about a couple of things:
  1. I can't run to save my life. No really, if someone was chasing me, it wouldn't be that hard to catch up. heck they'd prolly run right past me

  2. the idea of a "bootcamp" workout scares the crap out of me. Army visions are flooding my head. "Gump! What's your sole purpose in this army?" "To do whatever you tell me, Drill Sergeant!" (see! There's a forrest gump quote for every occasion! believe me now?)

  3. omg. running. ick


I'm sure more will come to me.

My god I am excited. lasdkjflsdkfjsldf

P.S. The title reminds me of a cheer from my high school. heh. ya ready? (ok!)

I DONT KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN TOLD
i dont know what ive been told

CLARK COUGARS GOTTA ALOTTA SOUL
clark cougars gotta alotta soul

WE GOTTA TEAM THATS GO GO GO
we gotta team thats go go go

WE ARE THE BEST AND YOU SHOULD KNOW
we are the best and you should know

BOM BOM CHICKAMOM BOM *clap*
BOM BOM CHICAMOM BOM HEEEEEEEY *clap*
BOM BOM CHICKAMOM BOM *clap*
BOM BOM CHICAMOM BOM HEEEEEEEY *clap*
BOM!

i crack myself up.